


Failure By Design

by Lyson



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Terminal Illnesses, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-18 21:09:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyson/pseuds/Lyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world that's not home, Edward is faced with a version of Alphonse that had never grown to be but he doesn't doubt would be his brothers image, except with fantastic blue eyes, a personality thats awkward & a sexy accent. Edward hates that he likes the stark contrast. On the other hand, Alfons is oblivious to what he's getting into with the Fullmetal Alchemist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Lonely Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Fullmetal Alchemist franchise or any of the characters in the anime's/manga. I also do not own the lyrics featured at the end of the chapter, it belongs to Brand New, the song is called Failure By Design.
> 
> Art: By Lyson on Deviantart

 

 

* * *

**One Lonely Visitor**

* * *

The first day Alfons Heiderich saw Edward Elric was not the day he first met him, no, the day he was meeting him was right then, two days after he'd first seen him walk into Oberth's classroom and request to speak with him while they all, the students, filed out after a lecture.

But seeing him had left a lasting impression on the 18 year old German boy.

An impression that he was content to keep to himself since it was not something acceptable by any standard in Germany and he was quite sure, across the world.

Alfons Heiderich had, since he'd first gone through puberty, known he was 'gay'. Although he preferred to say – to himself- that he was more physically inclined to like men.

He had no airs or delusions about loving a man, building a home with a man or having a long term relationship with one, he was too smart to think such things were ever going to be possible. As it was, he would marry a woman someday and have children like every other man, have a home and be the man of it.

But for right then, as a student and a young man who intended to live long and prosper, Alfons would not rule out the possibility of having some hot and satisfying –secret – sexual trysts with handsome men before he settled down one day.

He had plenty of time to be married and be contrite.

Of course he'd been singing that private song since he was 15, that he would fool around with a handsome guy he might fancy, but nothing had come of it. All things considered, what with his father not returning after the war and his mother passing away a year ago, there had been no time.

Alfons had only his future to focus on and so he'd used his apparently higher than average academic talents to get into a university to study the one thing that had always amazed him…

…the stars…and how to reach them.

But on the day he saw Edward Elric, Alfons felt suddenly that the stars had been outclassed.

Edward Elric was perpetual abstract surreal beauty in the shape of a lean, fair but not pale skinned, rich blonde haired young man…and his eyes…his eyes were gold. Alfons had not imagined it.

They were actually gold, lighter and more honey toned than even his hair.

His face was finely angled, his nose pointed and only slightly upturned, his eyes were somehow both oval and slanted at the ends, lined with fine darker blonde lashes much like his thin eyebrows.

His hair was long, reaching down to his mid back, fine and pin straight, tied back into a pony tail mid high at the back of his head, his face framed by jaw length bangs.

And his lips.

Not too full…not too thin, well shaped and the faintest pink colour… set in a displeased straight line as he stood before Alfon's, a few noticeable inches shorter than himself but his posture making him seem more upright and confident than Alfons could muster on his best day.

Alfons was rather tall and also rather thin. He didn't think he was unhealthy but he wasn't a macho man.

"Edward will be joining us here at the University, he is from England, he's come all this way and he is going to be majoring in Rocketry." Oberth said pleasantly, speaking German as he always did but in front of someone Alfons would assume didn't speak the language.

Edward's golden eyes were focused, dully, on Oberth as he spoke.

"I see…" he smiled and looked at Edward, "…welcome." He spoke in German to test the language barrier.

When Edward looked at him for the second time since he walked into the university lab, he again seemed to want to avoid eye contact.

"Thank you." He said back in clear and well accented German.

He didn't smile though and he looked away again around the lab and then to Oberth when he spoke.

Alfons wondered if there was something on his face or something about himself that was making Edward uncomfortable, he seemed uncomfortable.

"I wanted to ask you if you would help him get familiar with the university grounds, show him the labs, the eating hall – …"

"The library." Edward said pointedly and glanced at Alfons.

"Ah yes, especially the library…" he laughed, "…Edward is a lover of books, I'm told he can read for hours uninterrupted." He said cheerfully and Alfons noticed that he seemed familiar with Edward.

Alfons smiled as well and nodded, thinking it was funny how Edward didn't want to be around him but he would now be stuck with his company for a while.

He found this to be to his fortune though, his self esteem didn't allow him to think for a second that a guy who looked like Edward would even be remotely interested in him but at least he'd be in his company for a while.

Alfons didn't think of himself as unattractive, since girls seemed to think him –sweet and considerate- among his peers and he was flirted with regularly by them, he knew he wasn't unattractive. His own self-analysis confirmed it over the years of growing into himself, he was lean and tall, he deemed himself good looking since his features were not awkward or un-proportioned.

His eyes were round and a baby blue colour, his nose sharp, his mouth pale white, a matte white like all of his skin, his hair was a wheat blonde colour, straight and thick and brushed over to the right side but not too neatly, some of it hanging over his face since it was longer in the front than the back. He had a sweet smile – a girl had told him- and a mouth of good teeth. And even if he wasn't quite muscularly built as most other male students at the university, he had broad shoulders and firmness in his voice when he spoke that labelled him mature and respectable among his peers.

Oberth had announced his leaving and Alfons nodded, Edward said nothing.

He turned back to the shorter blonde,

"What would you like to see first?" he smiled again, politely.

Edward glanced at him, this time his gaze lingered a second longer and he sighed,

"You don't have to show me around, I can manage on my own…just tell me where the library is."

Edward had a light voice, almost a natural mocking calm tone and while Alfons found the exasperation and detachment in his tone a little rude, he answered anyway,  
"I don't mind, " he honestly didn't, "I have no classes after this so it won't be a problem."

There again, Edward looked uncomfortable, like he'd rather not spend any time with Alfons if he could help it. Alfons made a gesture with his hand, straightening his satchel on his shoulder as he moved toward the lab exit, pleased when Edward's foot steps sounded behind him.

They fell into step beside each other, Alfons glanced over at him, Edward's height reached the height of his forehead, so the difference in height wasn't much. He took in Edward's appearance, he wore a white shirt with a brown coat over it and a similarly coloured pants with black scuffed shoes, somehow the clothes didn't seem right on his person though.

When Alfon's had first seen Edward, all he'd been able to register was that he'd never seen a person who looked so unusual and attractive, there was something about Edward's skin, his eyes and even the way he walked that just screamed foreign…perhaps it was an England thing. Before Edward he'd hardly met or knew well an English person.

"You speak German well."

He saw something a lot like a smirk on Edward's face for a second,

"So do you…"

Alfons smiled back, even if it sounded like an insult, he wouldn't be offended.

"I've been speaking this language all my life, so my version of it will be less text book than your own."

Edward looked at him this time, his golden eyes actually meeting Alfons' light blue eyes but he didn't say anything, he just kept the small smirk.

Alfons decided to keep the conversation going as they walked passed the students in the halls,

"What about your English, I'm sure you don't punctuate and articulate every thing you say?" he ventured.

This time Edward actually smiled, showing off some of his pretty white teeth, Alfons felt his tummy flutter,

"My English is pretty average, but I've heard all about my bad language and all that junk from people…" he seemed amused.

"Bad language? You mean, speaking bad English or profanity?" he wondered.

"Profanity." Edward clarified almost proudly.

They reached the library entrance and Alfons stopped. Edward did too and his eyes seemed to reflect his interest suddenly,

"Here is it, it's not the greatest library in Romania, but it has a great selection."

"Have you read all of them?" Edward asked an –absurd as far as Alfons was concerned- question.

He snorted,

"All of them, are you mad? No..." he trailed off when Edward didn't appear to be joking.

Edward glanced at him again, back to the original discomfort,

"I probably won't read the useless ones either…" he said casually.

Alfons blinked, finding himself astonished to a certain extent because Edward had apparently been serious.

He moved past it though, since he realised he was staring at Edward stupidly,

"You can come back, let me show your classes, the eating hall and the gymnasium in case - …" he was walking again.

"Don't worry about the gymnasium…" Edward said rather stiffly as he followed hesitantly.

Alfons thought it was strange, every guy ended up there at some point since physical fitness went hand in hand with masculinity while you were young enough to care, even he ran the track sometimes.

"You don't exercise?" he asked innocently.

Edward just shook his head stiffly and so Alfons dropped the line of questioning.

* * *

Once he'd shown Edward around mostly in silence, the university day was drawing to a close so they made their way to the exit, walking along with other students, who stared at Edward, as they walked through the grounds.

Alfons looked at Edward for what would be the final time…that day atleast,

"Where are you staying?"

Edward didn't look at him as they stopped walking,

"I live with my father, I'm going this way…" he gestured.

Alfons found it annoying that he was going in the opposite direction,

"I'll be going then…" he gestured his way, "…um, how old are you Edward?" he asked as a last thought and Edward paused and glanced back,

"17." He said simply and walked off.

Alfons watched him walk away for a moment and then turned off on his route home.

* * *

* * *

 

 

This story is inspired by the song Failure By Design By Brand New

Lyrics:

Watch you on the one's and two's.  
Through a window in a well lit room.  
Become a recluse.  
And I blame myself because I make things hard  
and you're just trying to help.  
And when I wake up you're the first to call.  
This is one more late night basement song.  
And I'm so sore.  
My voice has gone to hell.

And this is one more sleepless night because we don't believe in failure.  
Baby, if I could I'd sit this out.

(This is over when I say it's over.)  
This is a lesson in procrastination.  
I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.  
Every single second that I put it off  
Means another lonely night I got to race the clock.  
(I ignore it and it ignores me too.)  
What say we go and crash your car?  
And every time I leave you go and lock the door.  
So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.  
I'm another day late and one year older.  
It's failure by design.

And we just want sleep.  
But this night is hell.  
I'm sick and sunk and I blame myself because I make things hard  
and you're just trying to help.  
I got no gas. (No Gas)  
I'm winding out my gears.  
This is one more day on the verge of tears.  
And now my head hurts. ( Head hurts)  
And my health is a joke.  
Now I got to stop because the headphones broke.


	2. Lets Keep It Simple

* * *

**Lets Keep It Simple**

* * *

Edward hadn't left his thoughts all of the previous night, Alfons was yet to stop thinking about him. Drinking with his friends had made him think to ask Edward to join them sometime but he didn't think he was well acquainted enough with the shorter blonde yet.

He kept playing the question out in his head though, thinking that if at some point it came up, he might just ask to see what happened.

All he knew was that he was keen on getting to know Edward better.

The following day during Oberth's class he found himself glancing at Edward often, noticing how he wrote down only certain things Oberth said, with his left hand and sometimes his right. He was here half way through the semester and Alfons wondered if he knew what Oberth was talking about.

He also had been wondering how a 17 year old was accepted to this class, since he'd had a hard time getting in himself.

When the class was over, he made his way to Edward and fell into step with him,

"You have other classes?"

"No, I only came here for rocketry." He didn't spare more than a glance at Alfons.

"You must be very intelligent to have been accepted at your age, Oberth originally only wanted potential apprentices to apply." He said honestly.

Edward seemed to frown at the statement but said nothing.

"Want to have lunch together? I don't have another class in this hour."

Again Edward glanced at him and he frowned.

Alfons had been putting off his offense for a while but this time he gave Edward his most annoyed look,

"Do you have a problem with me?" he slowed walking in the mostly empty hall.

Edward stopped a few steps ahead of him and turned around, avoiding eye contact,

"No, I don't…" he decided to look directly at Alfons' sincere face, "…it'll just take me some time to adjust to being around you…" he said sounding a little put off.

Many thoughts crossed Alfons' mind, but he settled on an obvious one,

"Are you anti social..?" he thought about asking another question, "Or is it me personally?"

Alfons had noticed the very first time Edward saw him, he'd paled a little and looked away immediately. Almost like seeing Alfons had upset him, he figured there had to be a reason for it.

Edward's expression became a little uncomfortable at the second question and vaguely Alfons wondered if he'd at some point given Edward the impression he found him attractive. He quickly tried to think back, to remember if he'd stared a little too obviously or sounded too interested…he didn't think he had…he was more careful than that…

"It's you…" Edward said and walked a little closer.

Alfons found himself nervous as Edward closed the gap, leaving just a foot between them.

"Did I do something to upset you?"

Edward made a face that distinctly showed Alfons was wrong, the expression made Edward seem more real,

"No…it's because you look like someone…a lot like someone…" he finally clarified.

Alfons blinked,

"I remind you of someone you don't like?" he said it the way he perceived it.

Edward rolled his golden eyes and stared straight at Alfons, his expression softened,

"No…you  **look**  like my brother…"

He was momentarily distracted by the softness of Edward's expression, the way his lips pressed together in slight upset right after his words…

'… _his words…'_  Alfons realised Edward had said something.

He managed to remember and blinked a few times,

"I resemble your brother?"

Edward stepped away to his dismay and nodded, starting to walk again,

"Yeah, it's an understatement but 'resemble' is the right word." He mumbled.

Alfons didn't really think he could look so much like another person, but perhaps he could, even though he and Edward didn't look alike.

"Shouldn't we look more alike if I resemble your brother so much…" he tried to lighten the mood, unused to serious conversations that weren't about rockets, politics or war. Alfons had never had close personal conversations. Germany was filled with people having conversations but it was never about much beside the latest political grate.

He'd grown up around that, like most of his generation had.

Unless you were romantically involved and sleeping with someone, there wasn't much else to talk about.

But Edward didn't even seem to be aware of it, his distress wasn't political or out of government betrayal.

It was personal and he expressed it so openly.

"He didn't actually get to grow up…but I'm sure he would look exactly like you if he had." Edward said quietly with a fond, sad smile on his face.

Alfons was a little thrown off, the resemblance must be severe if Edward could say that.

"I'm sorry…about your brother…" he assumed the worst, "…how old was he?"

Edward smiled and it was a little happier,

"Last time I saw him smile, he was 10. Last time I saw him at all…he was 15…." He trailed off.

It sounded tragic, Alfons knew tragedy.

"How did he die?" he asked quietly, they were outside now, the luke warm sun upon them, making Edward's hair shine very attractively.

"I hope he's not dead…" Alfons looked at him with a frown, "…I hope I was able to save him…"

Edward wasn't really in the moment right then, the distance in his eyes was immense and Alfons wondered if he was even still aware of him standing there.

He didn't understand what Edward meant but it seemed very serious.

"Edward…" he began, making the shorter blonde look at him suddenly,

"I'm gonna be in the library…" was all he said before he turned away and walked back the way they'd come.

Alfons sighed and looked down at his books in his arms.

He didn't understand Edward at all.

* * *

As the months passed and winter was fully upon Romania, Alfons was realising more and more that he did not understand Edward Elric but it made no difference to the fact that he wanted to spend all of his free time with the young genius.

Genius. Indeed.

It had become apparent to Alfons and the other students, that Edward understood things on a different level. He was certainly surpassing them all and Oberth was the only one who didn't seem surprised.

Like he'd known that Edward was so advanced.

Surreal.

It was a little irritating at first, when they moved onto their practical rocketry assignments and Edward would bring to their apprenticeship meetings detailed sketches, designs and calculations that would leave him reading and looking over it until he understood it…with Edward explaining to him in his airy voice.

Edward and he had taken to being 'friends' in the very stretched sense of the word, their conversations had plateaued like Alfons would have expected, from being something close to personal that one time to now only being study and rocketry related.

Edward was remarkable in so many ways it made the other 5 apprentices and himself a little jealous.

The boy was a genius.

He drew sketches like a master…with his left hand.

He understood calculations in a matter of seconds.

Physics, science, calculus…Alfons didn't know how, but Edward had a deep knowledge of it all.

But…he was useless at engineering, which was Alfons' second major and something he had to do to be a rocket engineer as well as a rocket scientist.

Edward seemed to fall short when it came to working intricately with his hands so he had obviously decided to stop at rocket scientist.

It made Alfons both pleased with himself and curious about Edward's one shortfall…besides his lack of personality.

Alfons was excellent with his hands and machinery and he enjoyed working with machines and building them, he wasn't the strongest guy but he did love to get greasy and in depth with a slick rocket design.

Edward always looked awkward when it came to the engineering part of things, he didn't mind lifting something heavy, with impressive ease and some butterflies to Alfons' tummy, but he wouldn't actually work with assembling.

And Alfons had a hunch it had something to do with Edward's constant clenching and unclenching of his right fist, the stiff limp he'd developed during winter in his left leg and the way he held his right shoulder sometimes with a look of discomfort on his face.

Maybe some injury?

Alfons had been itching to ask but since he and Edward were stuck on being work colleges and not friends, there was no room for personal questions.

And so it went on that way, Edward surpassing them all in the study of astrophysics and rocketry while they all figured out how to put together what they'd like to call a rocket in order to pass Oberth's rocketry apprenticeship.


	3. No Happy Ending Tune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Chapters will be short

 

**Disclaimer: In the First Chapter**

* * *

**No Happy Ending Tune**

* * *

As the end of the year rolled around and everyone was excited…Edward was not.

His mood had deteriorated drastically over the final two months of the year, almost like he'd been deflated…disappointed.

And yet their rocket prototype was complete and they were all looking at a pass.

There was a lot to celebrate.

But Edward obviously saw it differently.

It was upsetting when they all passed and were excited about their futures developing a rocket ship of a new age while Edward looked at his certification degree with an impassiveness that was almost depressing.

Even Oberth seemed offended as he regarded Edward pushing the degree into his bag like a note paper.

Once they had all said thank you, Edward as well, they were leaving and Alfons and the other older men were going to have drinks and celebrate.

They would be returning to Munich to make a name for themselves and develop something the world had yet to see, making Germany proud as they were hopefully the first to breach the atmosphere…

Edward couldn't be bothered, he walked a separate way from them making them all look at him and shake their heads. Alfons, who was too fond of Edward for his own good and without any good reason he knew of, followed Edward in quick strides.

"Edward…" he stated so the other would stop walking and he did, turning around and raising his eyebrows expectantly.

Edward's one hand was in his black coat pocket, he wore a grey scarf around his neck, black slacks with black shoes and his always present white gloves, one was visible on his hand around his satchel strap across his chest.

"Yeah?" he again sounded so detached.

"You're not even going to celebrate this achievement, your not even happy?" he frowned at the shorter blonde, he was wrapped in his own grey coat, with a scarf and pants the same colour brown and black shoes.

Edward didn't even have a valid reaction,

"I don't drink Alfons, despite how popular it seems to be in this place…" he said off handed, barely explaining himself.

"Fine, you don't drink…" to Alfons it seemed strange not to but somehow didn't take away from Edward's harsh stature as a young man, "…but you can join us and discuss the future. We'll be making history Edward, developing propulsion rockets to go into space, Germany will be so proud."

"I don't care about making something that will undoubtedly be turned into a weapon for your warring country Heidrich, I've been there and done that…" he actually sounded irate, "…I was interested in rocketry and astronomy for my own reasons and it's been completely useless…useless…" he repeated a little angrily, turning and walking away.

Alfons was really offended,

"My rockets will not be weapons…" he insisted, "…it will be the turning of an age and bring back honour and pride to my country. Don't you care about anything besides your own gain Edward?" he said loudly across the short distance between them.

Edward stopped walking and the air was cold and seemed still.

The blonde turned around and looked at Alfons, his golden eyes an entirely different shade and clearly angry.

Edward had no qualms about his actions and Alfons was really unprepared to be punched with Edward's left hand straight across his jaw…and it  **hurt.** Left handed obviously wasn't weaker were Edward Elric was concerned.

He was sitting on the ground, touching his split and bleeding lip, trying to ignore the throbbing he had across the right side of his face and through his ass and side from hitting the ground, when the most amazing thing happened.

Edward was crouching down beside him, helping him up and speaking in a soft tone like he'd never heard,

"I'm sorry,  **Alfons** , I shouldn't have hit you…" Edward was saying and it was the first time Edward had used his name and not his last name to address him.

It was so desperately sweet how he sounded it out with the German dialect.

When he was standing again, he belatedly remembered the pain in his face and pushed Edward away from him, the hands on his shoulders slipped away and Edward gave him his space.

Alfons flexed his jaw and made a groaning noise.

He'd never been punched before.

He was a nice guy! He never said anything offensive enough to be hit in the face.

He looked angrily at Edward,

"What the hell did you hit me for?!" he shouted.

Edward seemed surprised and completely regretful, upsetting Alfons more at how attractive he looked even when sad,

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…you just upset me…"

"What I said was so bad it made you hit me?!" he yelled again, genuinely angry.

Edward frowned, it seemed more natural on his face,

"You don't even know anything about me, you shouldn't just say things like that."

Alfons frowned right back,  
"If I don't know you, it's only your own fault. I've tried being your friend but your determined to be miserable and alone!" he shouted at Edward, it was unusual for him to raise his voice but usually Alfons was never quite so upset with anyone…or in pain from their being punched by them.

He noticed belatedly that his words had struck a cord with Edward, his eyes were sad now, his eyebrows pulling together lightly as he lowered his gaze to the cement path of the university grounds between dead grass patches.

Alfons didn't let himself be suckered by those sad –beautiful- features,

"I obviously misunderstood your initial enthusiasm for rocketry, I assumed you wanted to be a part of something bigger, like all of us." He reasoned, still hoping to see a spark in Edward's eyes, like he had sometime months ago when Edward was explaining complicated things to them about what they all thought they understood…but hadn't really grasped quite as quickly as him.

There was so much to Edward Elric…and yet nothing at all.

Like something was stopping him from being…real.

"I guess you did." Edward said resigned and with no reaction as Alfons had hoped, "I'm sure you'll reach your dreams, if you want it bad enough you'll do anything to get it." He said cryptically and then turned and walked away, not glancing back.

Alfons stared at his back as he walked away, his golden ponytail swaying behind him silkily, lightly limping though it was barely noticeable.

He didn't understand Edward at all.

* * *

Alfons was packing his bags in his shared room at the University, his room mate had cleared out earlier that morning, complaining of a hangover from the end of year celebration everyone had partaken of the night before. Alfons had never been one to drink more than two beers when he went out, content to keep his wits about him at all times.

As he folded in another plain white shirt, he remembered how he'd glanced around several times and to the door of the pub the night before, hoping to see that golden hair somewhere, hoping Edward would change his mind, come around and let Alfons buy him a beer.

They'd laugh about the bruise over Alfon's right cheek.

Edward would say sorry and smile, Alfons knew his smile would be stunning if he ever got to see it.

Edward had such a pretty mouth.

Alfons sighed and gave up on his rolling of a pair of socks, sitting down on his bed, staring across at the empty one across from him without really seeing it.

He felt awful, his face hurt and he'd been asked countless times how he'd gotten that bruise and split lip.

He hadn't wanted to say Edward hit him because the guys he was friends with already saw Edward in a bad light because of his apparent disrespect for what they all felt was an achievement.

So he hadn't said Edward, he'd just said 'It was a misunderstanding with someone' but they looked at him knowingly. After all, half an hour before he'd joined them drinking, he'd been with Edward and unharmed.

It was pretty obvious. But men being men, they brushed it off and despite the pain, Alfons ignored it too and drank an extra mug of beer that night.

Because he had feelings to drown. Feelings for another man in general were bad enough, without it being feelings for a man like Edward Elric, who didn't really seem to acknowledge him for the most part unless he made himself known.

Sighing again, too many times in one morning, Alfons stood up and continued packing.

He'd taken a shower that morning and was going to catch the 11 AM train to Munich, so he had an hour to get to the station.

Then he'd be back home.

* * *

"He just left?" Alfons looked a little distressed and tired from the long train ride.

Gracia placed a cup of tea down for him,

"Yes, he just came to me about two months ago and said he was leaving the country."

Alfons sighed, again, and leaned on the table covered with a cloth decorated with flowers and humming birds, staring at the tea.

Upon returning to his apartment after arriving back in Munich, Gracia had intercepted him to tell him the news.

"How am I going to afford rent without a room mate…" he mumbled. He'd still been paying half his rent –basically storage- while in Romania, the decent thing to do since his room mate, Oskar Schmidt was attending a cheaper school here in Munich and was still staying in the two bedroom flat.

Now the guy had just up and left, according to his land lady Gracia, two months ago which meant, only half the rent had been paid each month and he would owe her money.

Not wanting to be a bother when he owed her money, he didn't even want the warm tea.

"Miss Gracia, would you be willing to give me time to make up for Oskar's rent, I had no idea he'd even left." He asked hopefully, his blue eyes tired.

She smiled as sat down and sipped her own tea,

"Its fine Alfons, no one's been living here so your money covered anything you might owe for storage. In the meantime, until you find a new room mate, you can just pay your usual half rent and amenities." she smiled and tapped the table to remind him of his cooling tea.

She was always such a nice lady and she was probably feeling bad for his terrible bruised and exhausted appearance, although she hadn't asked. He lifted the cup and sipped from the sweet tea, appreciating it a lot.

"Thank you Miss Gracia."

She nodded.


	4. Hurry Up And Wait

Living alone had been pretty much the same as living with Oskar, who had been a socialite, overly familiar friend of drinking and coming in at all hours of the night. Except now, the bathroom stayed a little cleaner as well as the rest of the flat.

The second bedroom still stood empty, Oskar’s stuff was all gone, save for a few of his poster’s of some political movements on the walls. The mattress on a wrought iron base was void of sheets and the room was starting to collect dust in the now almost four months it had been unoccupied.

Alfons wasn’t much of a duster.

He had started a job, working with a few of his previous colleagues and some new ones on rocket development, they had a small sponsor to start with and it was going well, working in a small rented warehouse and trying to scrape their dreams together.

He was walking along his street returning home in the setting evening sun light, passing a few familiar faces, people he’d met since moving to Munich after his mother died when he was 15, he’d gone to live with an aunt in Munich. Alfons had lived in the aftermath of a war about as well as any average person could.

Swept store floors and windows so he could make money to help pay for the overly priced food and his lodgings at his aunt, sleeping in a backroom of her house. His father most likely killed at war, his mother gone and an only child, Alfons knew his fair share of tragedy. By his own standards he’d done alright.

Cried like a little girl every night for a year after coming to Munich to live with the old and rather cold woman, but still attended school which she paid for, insisting he become independent as soon as possible to make her brother –his father- proud.

Once he turned 17 he hadn’t hesitated to leave.

He’d been working steadily at his odd jobs and saved some money, enough to rent out half a flat with a guy he didn’t know but it was better than facing a woman who always looked like she couldn’t wait for him to leave. From there it was school and part time work and Alfons began supporting himself, though barely sometimes.

And once he’d completed school and done so well he was offered a scholarship, he’d tried desperately to get into Oberth’s class and was accepted.

He’d continued working odd jobs in Romania, it had been a never ending process, work and school. He doubted his friends and peers had even known he was working on his off class days.

Now it seemed to be paying off, he was earning a little better and doing something he loved.

He smiled to someone who passed by him and then glanced around the street, his gaze passing over a figure with long blonde tied back hair across the street.

Alfons stopped walking as he did a double take and blinked his blue eyes a few times to be sure…that it was in fact the back of Edward Elric’s head. No one else had hair that rich blonde colour or hair that unusually long.

He felt himself smile, he hadn’t thought of Edward since leaving Romania, assuming he would be leaving the younger boy and never seeing his face again, he wasn’t one to hold onto silly hopes about beautiful –or just incredibly handsome- boys like Edward.

To see him right then, in Munich and just a few blocks down from his flat, was a rather pleasant surprise.

He crossed the street and walked up to the slightly shorter boy who had been talking with an older woman who was walking away now, about to announce himself when Edward turned around, not even looking around and walked straight into Alfons, his forehead hitting Alfons’ nose and making him back step unsteadily while groaning and holding his nose.

" _Alfons! Shit, I didn’t know anyone was behind me!”_ Edward’s usually exasperated tone was slightly higher than usual, that was about as shocked as he could sound.

Alfons opened his eyes while feeling his nose and he half smiled at Edward,

 _“Hi, Edwart…”_ he responded in English since Edward had – for the first time- spoken to him in English.

Which he understood partially but was no expert at speaking.

English sounded much better on Edward, if Alfons was honest. Even though he spoke German like a text book pro, English was his native tongue and his voice was more natural using it. It gave him tingles, the kind he hadn’t felt since last seeing Edward.

Edward frowned at the pronunciation of his name but showed no more reaction to it as Alfons continued in his bad English,

 _“…you har veery goot tu injooring me Edwart.”_ He smiled anyway, moving his hand from his nose, which was paining but not really hurt badly.

Edward seemed stunned at his bad English because he had a confused look on his face,

 _“You’re Amestrian is terrible…”_ he said more to himself in English.

 _“Amestruin?”_ Alfons tried to pronounce the word he did not recognise in German or English.

Edward blinked,

 _“I said English.”_ He said still in English.

_“Nein, you sedt-…”_

“Speak German, that’s awful.” He frowned at Alfons, reverting back to German, almost like the bad English made him squirm.

Alfons shook his head, still elated to be seeing Edward after so long,

“It’s good to see you…you look…” he was going to say something smooth and complimentary, for some reason he was itching to flirt…Edward did bad things to his mind, but he couldn’t since Edward did in fact not look too well, “…thinner. And paler…and…are you alright?” he noticed the bags under Edward’s gold eyes.

Edward blinked tiredly and waved the piece of paper in his hand for Alfons to see,

“I was just asking that lady for directions to this place…” he was actually holding it somewhat out for Alfons to look at.

The older boy didn’t like Edward’s evasiveness to his question but he took the paper from Edward’s gloved hand and looked at the address,

“This is in that direction…” he gestured behind him, the way he’d been coming from, “…who lives here?” he enquired, curious about anything to do with Edward.

There was no guarded expression like there usually was when he’d asked Edward a question in the past, Edward just shrugged,

“No one, it’s a vacant flat…I’m looking for a place to stay.”

Suddenly hope practically shone out of Alfons’ ears and his eyes brightened, his tummy fluttering before he’d even made a suggestion and thought about what Edward’s response might be,

“You are looking to rent?” he sounded cheerier.

Edward nodded, still looking tired and too thin in his brown coat and fitted pants that Alfons remembered used to shape his legs a little closer before…yes he’d noticed and wondered after Edward’s physical build beneath the un-suiting clothing many a time.

“That’s coincidental…” he tried to convince himself he didn’t sound or look like a leering pervert as he grinned toothily, “…I stay in a two bedroom apartment by myself, I’ve been looking for a new room mate since the last one left months ago.” He paused and saw no change in Edward’s face so he went on, “It would be cheaper than renting on your own and it’d help me with finances as well…win-win situation?” he raised his eyebrows.

Edward seemed to consider it, glancing away from Alfons to regard the pavement very seriously.

He was taking a good many seconds and Alfons thought once again that Edward truly thought little of him to not take up such a sound offer. Cheaper rent and living with someone familiar who was technically a ‘friend’.

So he sighed and shifted his work bag on his shoulder over his long closed coat, prepared for the rejection and an uncomfortable look on Edward’s face.

“Yeah, why not.” Was Edward’s mumbled and shrugged response, “…how soon can I move in?” he said very candidly.

Alfons blinked,

“Ah, well…as soon as you’d like…” he nodded, that fluttering returning when he saw Edward nod back at him,

“How about now?”

Blinking again, Alfons found himself nodding,

“Now…now is good, its fine…its…perfect.” He smiled brightly, “…shall I help you fetch your things from where you were previously staying?” he was really excited to have Edward stay with him, so close…

He didn’t want to be creepy but he was suddenly feeling all of the things he’d felt getting to know Edward months ago return, he hated to hope, it was for naïve people, but with Edward moving in and them possibly becoming closer…maybe he could hope…to be with someone he actually wanted.

A man…not a woman. Secretly but still.

Of course –he mentally slapped himself- Edward would have to be interested first…if at all.

' _Stop getting ahead of yourself…’_ he thought and finally noticed Edward’s voice was coming from behind him, he’d apparently walked away and was talking.

“…to move today…” he caught that last trailed off bit.

Alfons turned around to see Edward standing beside a car with the top down, it was a light blue colour,

“What?” he said intelligibly.

Edward made a huffy face which was different -adorable- on his features and he waved his hand at the car exaggeratedly,

“I **said** …” he made sure Alfons was paying attention with a stare, “…I have all of my things here in the car, I was planning on moving in somewhere today.”

Alfons tried not to zone out thinking of the fact that Edward hadn’t avoided his gaze even once so far and paid attention, walking over the small distance to the parked car.

He glanced over the bags and books and the trunk half open as a large…chest of some sort wouldn’t co operatively fit in it.

“You have a car…” was all he thought to say.

Edward’s face became expressional again, annoyed…and Alfons found he liked this side of Edward.

He was being…companionable.

“Obviously, or all of my shit wouldn’t be in it.” Edward explained politely, “Now get in, lets get to your place so I can stop driving around.” He looked tired again as he got into the drivers side and moved his two bags over a bit in the back for Alfons to get in.

Even though…really…he could have walked the less than two blocks down the street –he could literally see the front entrance of his flat from where they were- Alfons jumped in.

Why? Because he wanted to see Edward drive **obviously.**

He was feeling pretty stupid as they started moving, Edward seemed to be comfortable driving, like he’d done it a lot and had become familiar with it. Then again, it was like rolling forward before Alfons piped up –a little pitchy and embarrassed as they almost rolled passed it- ,

“Here it is.”

The car jerked to a halt a meter passed the entrance and Edward turned to look at him with a ‘seriously’ expression.

Alfons decided it was better left un-commented on and changed the subject as he opened the door and stepped down,

“I’ll help you carry!”

Puffing out his bottom lip for a moment, making Alfons’ stomach flutter yet again, Edward leaned over and grabbed two bags, tossing them at Alfons roughly.

He caught them awkwardly and with an ‘oof’ but caught them none the less.

He knew Edward was strong, but that toss had unexpectedly hurt his chest.

He watched as Edward easily grabbed the four remaining bags and some books from the back seat, carrying them in a way that seemed like a disaster of gravity waiting to happen, alas, impressively they made it to the bottom stairs next to Gracia’s flower shop without anything falling and then up.

At the top of the stairs, Alfons put the bags down to dig through his bag for his flat key and he glanced at Edward who had been staring at…him.

He seemed un-phased at being caught staring at Alfons’ general person,

“I’m gonna bring the chest up…” he was taking his long coat off and he tossed it over the bags.

Leaving him in a white long sleeve shirt, his gloves still covering his hands.

Alfons nearly dropped the key he’d just found,

“It looks heavy, wait for me to help you!”

Edward was already going down the stairs.

He rushed to open the door and moved all of Edward’s stuff in with his legs and arms in a bit of a jumble then half closed his door and rushed down the stairs.

He reached the bottom of the stairs as Edward was _dragging_ the chest inside to the stairway passed the side glass doors to Gracia’s shop, it was large and looked heavy.

Feeling spry and excited, Alfons skipped the last two steps and jumped over to help Edward, who gave him a twitchy look at his bounciness, obviously not sharing his glee.

He grabbed the other side of the case and lifted…then added his other hand since it was heavier than he’d imagined…and Edward had been dragging it with one hand.

It was absurd that the idea of Edward being so strong made him tingle. He felt girlish.

Just as they lifted the case and shuffled toward the stair case, getting a few steps up with Alfons on the top, Edward using both hands now for better balance, Gracia popped her head around the glass doors corner to look at them climbing the staircase in awkward shuffles.

The chest was large and would be hard to get up the stairs.

“Alfons?” she announced.

Edward and he both looked over and for a brief moment Alfons felt an immense weight pull on his arms as Edward’s support at the bottom almost completely went lax.

“Edward!” he shouted and clutched the handle for all he was worth, images of dropping a heavy chest and squashing beautiful Edward freaking him out.

Edward, paler than a moment ago, spun his head back around with some realisation and applied his pressure from his side, holding the chest up and allowing Alfons a moment to stop panicking.

He was about to ask, or yell, Edward made him want to yell, about why he’d slackened his pressure when Gracia walked over.

“Hi Miss Gracia…” he smiled, rechanneling his feelings into a happy smile, happy Edward would be living with him…

Edward hadn’t looked at her again and Alfons could have sworn he’d seen that pale avoiding gaze on Edward before…when they’d first met.

“This is Edward Elric, he will be my new room mate.” Alfons laughed nervously, because Edward was being rude.

She looked at his back again, shoulders tense but admissible by the weight rested on his body.

“Wonderful, Alfons has been looking for a new room mate.” She smiled.

Edward barely glanced at her, flashing a terse half smile,

“I’ll be a good tenant…thanks.”

Alfons nearly fell over when Edward pushed upward and he had to regain his footing up the stairs.

Gracia was frowning but she mumbled a pleasant –Welcome Edward- anyway.

The struggle up the two flights of stairs was quiet except for Edward’s harsh curses…mostly because Alfons was not a steady helper in the carrying and balancing department.

Blame it on his lack of muscles, he knew he was just a skinny guy compared to Edward’s apparent strength.

 _‘I wonder if he has a six pack…’_ Alfons pondered as the shuffled into the flat and finally placed the chest down in the centre of what was the entrance and part way into kitchen/eating area. A door immediately to their right of the entrance was a bathroom.

Another closed door was visible across from the kitchen

Edward stood up and rolled his right shoulder, pressed a left palm over the top as if massaging it.

Alfons didn’t ask, even though he wanted to having noticed Edward doing that often back in University, instead he smiled and gestured around as he spoke,

“This here…” he knocked on the door closest to them, “…is the bathroom. There’s no shower, only a tub, basin and loo.” He said as Gracia had once said to him and Oskar years ago.

Then he pointed to the kitchen less than three meters away with a wooden four seat table in the middle,

“That’s the kitchen and eating area…” he placed his keys down on the cupboard in the entrance , next to the telephone and then pointed to the other visible white door,

“That will be your bedroom…and down this hall…” he gestured round the corner wall passed a mounted cupboard on the wall, “…is a closet where towels and linen are kept, a den with a couch and a small shelf of my magazines, papers and books and my bedroom is at the end.” He nodded.

Edward glanced around,

“It’s small…” he said rudely.

Alfons frowned,

“I’m not exactly wealthy…I live where I can afford to. Where did you live…in a house?” he asked sarcastically since it was rare for middle class university students to live anywhere but small flats.

“Yeah…” Edward said casually, “…it was a big place with lots of things in it…but it was empty.” He sounded a little down and Alfons felt he wanted to hug him…but he wouldn’t.

“Oh…you said you lived with your father, yes?” he remembered then as Edward started to lift some of his bags and many heavy hardcover text books off the floor.

“Yeah.” Vague as ever.

Alfons picked up the last few bags and started toward Edward’s new bedroom,

“Have you decided to be financially independent?”

“Pffft…” the sound almost had Alfons laughing, “…that old bastard deserved having to take care of me financially…and every other way a father should. He was a skiddish lightweight where being a father actually mattered…” Edward spoke as if there was nothing wrong with speaking of a parent that way.

Alfons opened the door to Edward’s room, the dusty, stuffy room. Initially he hadn’t cared to keep it to clean since he didn’t care who moved in…but now he just felt like Edward would think he were a pig.

“You know…” he placed Edward’s bags down on the wooden desk in the room, “…you really shouldn’t speak that way about your father.” He tried to keep the focus off the room.

If Edward noticed its condition, he said nothing and instead shook his head and looked away from Alfons,

“What do you know about it anyway…” he mumbled.

Alfons **despised** those words, Edward still hadn’t realised it was **his** own fault Alfons knew nothing about him.

“Why don’t you tell me, then I’d know.” He ventured in a light tone, watching the slightly shorter blonde look around the room and frown at the posters on the wall…in what looked like confusion.

Alfons figured Edward lived in a bubble somehow.

He turned his gold eyes to Alfons, blinking at what he’d heard, and honest enquiry about his father.

“It’s not really your business…” he started and Alfons looked a little offended and then Edward shrugged, “…but the short of it is that he left my, mom, brother and I when I was two and Al was one. I didn’t see him again until I was 15, by then he was completely useless to me.” He said offhandedly and went about packing his books on the empty shelves.

Alfons took in the information and considered what questions Edward was most likely to answer then he settled for a statement, slightly questioning but not directly.

“Surely your mother and your brother might have felt differently.”

Some part of him expected Edward to get angry, but the only reaction he got was Edward turning around from the bookshelf and turning a heavy book over in his hand while staring at the dusty closed curtains over the single window.

It was not a textbook, but a notebook full of pages and some of them were sticking out.

 _‘A journal?’_ his curiosity itched like a girls.

“My mother died before he showed up again, long before. I was 10 when she died, he didn’t even come to the funeral or to see if Al and I were ok.” He said in his usual soft tone.

 _‘Al…’_ Alfons thought after the shortened name.

He wanted to ask but chose to offer some information as well,

“My mother has also passed…” he paused, “…and my father has not returned from war…I assume he’s dead.” He looked at Edward and felt a little less alone because of the shared sadness in his eyes.

He was glad they were talking about personal stuff, in University they’d never gotten farther than Edward saying he resembled his brother. Which brought the question back,

“You called your brother ‘Al’…what’s his full name.” he picked up the last of the books and walked over to hand them to Edward.

His fingers brushed over the smooth fabric of Edward’s gloves when the books crossed hands and he noticed Edward was oblivious, piling the remaining books on top of the ‘journal’ book on the shelf.

He had that uncomfortable look on his face as he turned back to Alfons but he answered anyway,

“His name…is Alphonse.”

Then came a moment of quiet pause in conversation.

Edward walked by him across the room and had pulled open the drawers in the corner at the bottom of the bed, inspected their cleanliness to hold his clothes and decided it was worthy, the closed spaces didn’t have dust in them at least. He walked over and grabbed two bags, settling on his knees on the wood floor to start packing clothes into the drawers.

 

Seeing as how Edward wasn’t going to comment, he chose not to either, despite how creepy it seemed that he apparently looked alike and had the same name as Edward’s brother, albeit the different pronunciation and probably spelling.

Wondering how creepy this could get, he asked for the sake of knowing,

“And your parents names?” he walked over and sat on the white sheet-less mattress at the bottom of the bed, just a foot or so from where Edward was packing, taking a moment to look over Edward’s side profile as well.

Edward glanced at him and smirked,

“What were yours?” he sounded a little curious too.

Definitely creepy.

“Josepha, was my mothers and my fathers, Arnold.” He said and held his breath subconsciously.

Edward didn’t seem to be creeped out,

“Trisha and Vaan, Elric and Hohenheim.” He packed many pairs of plain white boxers into a drawer and Alfons got distracted by it for a moment, picturing them on Edward…with nothing else.

Living with him…meant there was a chance he might even get to see it.

He felt himself about to blush so he refocused,

“Elric is your last name, so you mean, your father is Vaan Hohenheim and your mother did not take his last name, nor did you and your brother.” he clarified.

“S’far as I know…they never got married. My mother’s tombstone didn’t say Trisha Hohenheim…” he sounded a little proud of that last bit.

Alfons found himself watching Edward’s gloved hands as he packed in socks now and for a moment he caught a glimpse of skin when Edward leaned over.

Yellowish beige…skin…on his right wrist.

Edward’s –perfect- skin, was not yellow beige. Edward was fair but it was a cream beige complexion, a soft even toned complexion.

He wasn’t going to ask, how would he even ask ‘Why is your right arm skin yellowish’ without sounding forward and rude. Edward got up, right leg first and then his left and for the first time, Alfons noticed when Edward stepped on his left side, the wooden floorboards made a more hollow sound. Like he was heavier on his left side.

Edward came back over with his last few bags and got onto his knees again, his left thumping a little harder but Alfons was distracted because –so completely pleasantly and unexpectedly- Edward placed his left hand on his knee to help himself balance, probably without even realising.

The contact was brief but Alfons found it made him rather giddy, that was the first willing contact Edward had ever made with him…ever. Besides when he punched him. But that was different.

Alfons smiled a little stupidly while Edward refolded his white, grey and faded blue shirts into the third draw from the bottom,

“Well, at least our parents names are not the same so it seems less creepy…” he paused, “…you know, you look German and your father is German…and his name sounds familiar, I mean, aside from the University in Stuttgart.” He figured he’d heard it somewhere else.

Edward shoved the drawer closed and stood up a little more fluently now, not using Alfons’ hopeful knee to aid him,

“My father isn’t German and neither am I.”

“Well perhaps…not raised German. But he must have German heritage…”

“He’s not German!” Edward said a little loudly as he walked out of the room.

Alfons would not back down, ever since getting punched by Edward, he’d been a little less afraid to yell at people because he was always on the defensive,

“His last name is Hohenheim, Edward, that’s German! And his first name is Von, that too is German.” He insisted as he followed.

“Vaan…Vaaaaaan, V-a-a-n, not short, like with an O.” he stressed while he started to drag his chest through to the room.

Alfons stepped back from the door way so Edward could bring it through,

“The difference is not much at all, you say Alphon-s-e-. I am Alfon-z. But it is the same thing more or less.” He placed his hands on his hips, his thumbs hooking into the bottom of his suspenders at his pants waist.

He still had his coat on while Edward’s was lying over the cupboard in the hall where Alfons had tossed it.

“I don’t call you Alphonse with an ‘s’, I know how to say your fucking name, I know your not my brother!!” he dropped the lifted end of the case and the tension in the room had seemingly come out of nowhere.

When Edward had said the last bit, it sounded like he’d been telling himself that for a while.

Strain evident in his voice.

Alfons’ shoulders slumped,

“I-…”

“Look just get out…I need to unpack my chest.” Edward had his hands on his hips and nodded toward the door.

Right then Edward again seemed like he had an hour ago when he’d first seem him in the street.

Thinner, paler and so tired. His beautiful skin seemed a little sallow and as Alfons gave him one last long look, he saw what he knew to be faded scars etched faintly into his face, he hadn’t noticed before, but Edward had at least 5 or 6 noticeable faded scars on his face.

And he looked older for it.

Without another word, Alfons walked around Edward and the chest half blocking the doorway and he walked away.


	5. Beautiful And Strange

Hours passed.

At some point Edward had shut the door…and locked it.

Alfons had been in his own room but about an hour ago he'd decided to take a bath and he was now making a light supper, it was almost 9 pm and they both hadn't eaten.

The day seemed a blur.

He'd been returning from work like he usually would and then Edward entered the scene and everything, every priority or order of things he usually followed fell to the way side.

By 7.30 he'd normally be reading the day's paper after dinner and relaxing himself to sleep after a long day but today had gone differently.

He hadn't even noticed it had gotten darker in the apartment until after he'd closed himself into his bedroom following Edward's request for him to 'get out'.

It was late now and after a warm bath he'd realised he was hungry and remembered he had a housemate again. With Oskar he had been the one to cook because the other hadn't known a thing about it and Alfons had been taught by his aunt to sufficiently cook for himself.

Their arrangement had been that Alfons did cooking and once a week Oskar would clean.

Although it never worked out that way most of the time. Alfons cooked for himself because Oskar would be out and so he'd clean as well on a weekend while Oskar was passed out from drinking too much.

He wondered how things would be with Edward.

He stirred the hot stew a few last times and then put the burner off, deciding it was well and ready to be eaten, he was very hungry. He assumed Edward would be too.

He walked over and took two bowls out of the mounted cupboard and then placed them on the table with spoons. He remembered he had some rolls left over from the day before so he placed them in another plate on the table.

He was glad he was earning better, it meant he could eat a little better. Sometimes, he was even able to afford some meat although it was very rare and usually very little. But not right then, it was potato stew but it still smelled good.

He walked around the table and knocked on Edward's door,

"Edward, I've made something to eat. You must be hungry, yes?" he waited for almost a minute, but received no response.

With a deep sigh, Alfons left the door and sat in his usual place, his back facing the front door.

He had just about begun eating when Edward's door opened and a dishevelled Edward came shuffling out.

His hair was in a low ponytail like he'd tied it back loosely just now, his blonde bangs hanging over his ears and in his face untidily. His white shirt was creased and un-tucked from his pants, the waistcoat he'd been wearing was gone. Even his dark brown pants were creased and he walked around in his white socks.

The very sight of an –apparently- awoken Edward made Alfons flustered.

He'd never been witness to someone he was attracted to waking up from sleep and his imagination provided the image of waking up in bed with Edward, looking as lovely and sleepy as right then.

The daydream was shattered as the younger teen sat down heavily across from him after scraping the chair back loudly, he groaned and ran a hand back through his hair, pulling the bangs back behind his ear on the left side, but they only fell forward again. His golden eyes were still a little puffy from what could be a short or restless sleep and he had lines of exhaustion at the corners too.

"Are you alright?" Alfons asked as he got up, taking Edward's empty bowl previously set out to the pot on the burner and dishing into it, generously, for him.

Another groan,

"I have a headache…nothing major." He mumbled.

"You were asleep?" Alfons tried to keep the talk simple lest he create more tension, he placed the still hot food bowl in front of Edward, just under his nose so he'd catch the smell and heat and become hungry, something told Alfons Edward needed to eat, he'd become so much thinner.

Edward nodded,

"Yeah…I fell asleep at the desk while I was reading…" he noticed the food and his fine blonde eyebrows raised, "…thanks Alfons." He said a little louder and as the taller blonde sat down he smiled back at the half smile Edward gave him and pushed the plate with the rolls over to him.

"You can take whatever linen you need from the hall closet for the bed." He explained.

Edward took that moment to glance down the dark short hall, he could see one door, probably the closet, but not the other room door or the den entrance, Alfons saw this but then he watched Edward lift his spoon in his right hand.

Un-gloved.

For the first time since meeting him.

Edward was not wearing his gloves.

And true enough, his right hand skin was yellowish…and smooth, creasing only were Edward's fingers curved to hold the spoon and at the corner of his wrist.

It was  **not** skin.

How could he not be curious?

He swallowed down what was in his mouth, noticing for the first time that Edward's bowl was half empty…apparently the food was efficiently evaporating into the black hole that was his pretty mouth.

With raised eyebrows,

"There's more in the pot…but you should eat slower, or you'll get indigestion."

Edward nodded,

"Thanks mom." He mumbled sarcastically and continued inhaling his food.

Ignoring that in favour of his curiosity, Alfons tried to sound lightly interested,

"Is that a different kind of glove on your hand?" a very tight skin like glove.

He ate as he spared a glance at Edward, who glanced at his hand just realising he'd taken his gloves off.

Alfons' question was met with no resistance,

"It's rubber…its sort of a glove." Edward had finished off his bowl and stood up to get more.

"Sort of?" he was already full after one roll and few spoons and Edward was still going.

"It covers my entire right arm up to my mid shoulder." No resistance.

Alfons blinked as the shorter blonde sat down again, licking stew from the corners of his lips,

"Why?" it was simple and pretty much the only thing he figured was left to ask, because Edward's left hand was very clearly not covered in a rubber arm glove, it was normal and matched his complexion.

Edward paused and looked at him seriously, under the intense gaze he felt like he was being forward, he didn't know if it was really his place to ask.

Edward let his spoon settle in his bowl and Alfons almost flinched when Edward shifted and reached his right hand over the table and wiggled his fingers.

"W-what?" Alfons asked, he'd like to think Edward wanted to hold his hand but he wasn't delusional.

"Feel it." Edward said softly.

Those words on Edward's lips made him draw blank for a second but he recovered and placed his own spoon down in his bowl so he could use his right hand. He rubbed the tips of his fingers over the top of the glove first, feeling the smooth rubber texture and then opened his hand and pressed his fingers around Edward's four fingers, as if he might be about to kiss the hand.

But he instead let his thumb trace where he knew joints and bones should be and what he felt was hard, sharp and stiff, not shaped all that much like regular bones and joints but in the same places.

He let the fingers go, noting how there was no warmth in Edward's hand at all.

"Take it off." The younger blonde spoke again.

Oh the words.

Alfons knew his cheeks had turned a little pinkish because Edward's voice was low, as if he was allowing him to see a dark secret and while it was plutonic in nature, Alfons wished he were taking something else off.

"The –g-glove?"  _'Obviously the glove, idiot.'_  He mocked his own stupidity at the question.

Edward nodded and absently licked his lips, tasting stew and making Alfons blush a little more.

 _'Maybe living with someone you're sexually attracted to but cannot have is not a good thing…'_  he thought sadly.

In a hesitant movement, Alfons reached back to the extended hand and using both hands, he pinched at Edward's rubber covered finger tips until he'd pulled up a space to grip and then he started pulling it off.

Edward helped it along, rolling his white sleeve up and pulling at the tighter points like the upper and forearm with his left hand, until with a final few pulls the yellowish glove slipped down Edward's forearm and all Alfons saw was light coloured plastic.

He absently dragged it off the arm completely until Edward's wrist underneath was visible and then his metal hand. The smooth fawn coloured plastic covered his forearm from what he could see, but his hand was hard metal shaped like fingers, a thumb and a squared rigid wrist which was closed off inside the plastic by rubber to what Alfons could only assume was wiring and not so basic gear mechanisms.

He was an engineer so he knew how moving machinery worked.

But he was stunned as realisation set in and he held the glove in his hands a little tighter,

"Your arm is…a prosthetic…" he paused as Edward moved the fingers making the metal click softly and then took his hand back and flexed the fingers to himself looking mostly indifferent, "…an advanced one. I've never seen a prosthetic that functions like a real limb, they're usually just ordinary stationary replacement limbs." He was fascinated and scared for Edward somehow.

Edward nodded,

"Yeah, my old man was useful in this department. He made them for me."

"Edward your ar-…wait…them?" Alfons glanced at his left arm.

Edward met and followed his gaze and then Alfons heard the heavy thumping of Edward's leg under the table,

"My left leg, from above my knee downward, too."

"Your arm…an-and your leg Edward." He had a sad expression on his face, wondering how someone so young lost two limbs. He felt sad enough to cry, he didn't know how he would function without two limbs.

Yet Edward was strong…and a genius…and fully functional, even his fake limbs were so real. He'd never have guessed…

"Hey, don't make a face like someone just died. It's been like this for years, since I was 11. I'm used to it." Edward was giving him a look like he was overreacting.

Alfons felt Edward's rubber glove slip from his hands as the younger blonde reached over and pulled it back to himself. He frowned, he remembered Edward saying his mum died when he was ten, had the tragedy happened because they were uncared for?

He felt so hurt for Edward, yet Edward seemed not to think much of his loss.

Although after years, he supposed it made sense. Edward would, by now, have accepted what he cannot change. Then he thought of what Edward said about his brother, he frowned deeper, vaguely aware that Edward had the glove back on and was starting to eat again.

He said the last time he'd seen his brother smile…he was ten. A year younger than Edward…the same age timeline that Edward just said he'd lost his limbs.

He gasped quietly and focused his sad blue eyes on Edward, who regarded him indifferently,

"Your little brother…what happened to him?"

He didn't know how much the expression of pain on his face affected Edward until the younger blonde's features softened and he looked like he was looking right through Alfons.

"Don't look at me like that Alfons…" he asked quietly, "…I hate seeing that look…on…your face."

The words were too personal to be meant for him, even if it was his name pronounced in German dialect, the words were not about him. Edward was obviously seeing his brother, seeing his brother sad.

He looked away, hurt and feeling a little lost, to be looked through like that made him feel like Edward didn't even consider him his own person.

"My brother lost…more than limbs, he lost his body." Edward said quietly a moment later.

Frankly, the words made little sense. Logic would define that meant Alphonse would be dead but Edward had said, the last time he saw his brother he had been 15. So,

"Is he in a coma?" it made sense.

Edward was chewing on a roll, Alfons was no longer hungry.

Edward shook his head and sighed, the pain in his face betraying the casual tone he spoke with,

"I haven't seen him in almost two years…and I don't know if he's even alive…I don't want to talk about my brother." He said with finality, no longer making eye contact.

There was some more thoughtful silence.

Alfons nodded and sighed,

"For what it's worth, I'd have never guessed you were disabled in such a way. Nobody would…not with how fluent your movements are most of the time."

The words 'disabled' and 'most of the time' made Edward's face twitch, but he showed no reaction otherwise.

Conversation stilled again, Alfons had many questions but he knew Edward would not continue being forthcoming with answers.

So he stood up and grabbed the bowls, placing them in the kitchen sink, filling the silence for a moment as he washed them quickly.

"Oh…right…" he heard Edward say minutes later and he got up and Alfons dried his hands off, turning just as Edward disappeared into his room, leaving the door open.

He walked around the table and stepped into the doorway, Edward glanced at him and didn't shoo him, so he remained. He watched as Edward, not hiding, pulled out a leather money wallet from his only unpacked bag, a smaller satchel type of bag.

He walked over to Alfons,

"How much will cover my half of everything for this month."

Alfons blinked and glanced down to see a thick wad of Marks inside Edward's wallet, he cleared his throat and then said the amount that Oskar used to pay to cover his rent and amenities, explaining the latter might vary depending on their usage. Then added that for groceries they would split the cost of and all personal items were their own expense.

Edward handed him the amount with a few extra notes and then closed the wallet off, he dropped it onto the desk. Carelessly, seeing as how that was no small amount of Marks in it.

Edward leaned against the desk,

"I'll have to get a job, I don't know when that old bastard will send me money again." He said with an irritated expression.

Alfons folded the notes over and closed his fist around it.

"Why did you move away from your father?" he asked what he felt would be the last question he might get an answer to.

Edward glanced at him and then walked by him, out of the room and he turned into the short hall,

"About two months ago, when I got back here from Romania, I found a letter from him saying he'd gone off somewhere in Europe to lecture Advanced Mathematics…" he opened the closet door and found himself a sheet, a pillow case and a blanket, as well as a towel to use in the bath,

"He dated it and it was already a month or so over…he hadn't bothered to come back and occasionally he'd sent me money, but in no particular order of dates that I could monitor…so I decided to move out, live somewhere smaller, easier to manage. I'm no housekeeper…" he mumbled the last part, bunching his bed items under his right arm and closing the door.

Instead of going back to his room though, Edward walked down the hall toward the other bedroom. Alfons' bedroom.

He had followed and was still thinking about what Edward had told him when he noticed and he frowned,

"What are you doing, that's my room." They passed the door-less dark den entrance.

"Yeah, yeah, I just want to see it…relax." Edward didn't hesitate to open the door and look inside.

Alfons sighed and stood behind Edward, apparently boundaries would be over stepped in this relationship.

But he wouldn't say anything, right then Edward hadn't established whether he liked privacy or not, so he'd wait for the lines to be clear and specify that he preferred his room left alone. It was a habit that would die hard, his need for locked doors and to have a quiet space all for himself, since he hadn't had it growing up.

"You're room is smaller, Alfons." Edward pointed out and closed the door, turning to look at him.

He still liked hearing his name from Edward,

"I chose that bedroom when I first moved in. Size wise it's not the best, but…I like that it's out of the way and kind of private." He explained, watching Edward's gold eyes in the dimly lit hall, still bright.

Edward raised an eyebrow and didn't maintain eye contact,

"Why? You bring a lot of girls home?" he walked by Alfons again as if the question was not an awkward one.

"Wha! No, no don't be ridiculous. I am not a pig to treat women so carelessly. I am a gentleman, if I date, l date one person." He followed Edward, raising one firm digit into the air to make his point.

"Wow…so you're like a romantic, forever after kind of guy huh." Edward had a teasing tone to his voice as Alfons followed him into his room.

Alfons was blushing but more out of embarrassment and not Edward's playful expression when he glanced at him, dumping his linens and such onto the mattress.

"I would like to find one person, yes." He said honestly, details of gender aside. Then he wondered, "…what about you, do you sleep around?" he decided to be as forward as Edward.

Edward actually fell silent and Alfons felt his stomach lurch, why did that silence feel like a guilty one?

"I…guess, 'who' has not always mattered to me. But I wouldn't say I sleep around." He said airily, that same disinterest from months ago.

But Alfons heard the 'always' which implied Edward had had some meaningful sexual partners in his life, at least.

Whereas Alfons had only three experiences to think back on. The first one, his kiss with a girl at 16 and the second and third one, which had been sexual, had been in a dark club in a dodgy area of Munich where men with his tastes went to act out their sinful needs…one time before he left for Romania and just after he'd returned to Munich two months ago.

Was he really such a gentleman?

He could commend himself on his strong resolve most of the time, but his needs caught up with him eventually. He wasn't going to feel bad around Edward though, who obviously got around.

He felt upset about it though.

But then again Edward didn't exactly look or act like a sweetheart.

"Well…good night Edward. I have work tomorrow so I'll be going to bed." He reached for the handle to close the door behind himself while Edward was making up his bed.

"Night Alfons."

He could get used to hearing that all the same.


	6. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

The days that followed were very moderate in atmosphere.

It had been a Tuesday when Edward had moved in and by the time Friday rolled around they already had a sort of routine established.

When Alfons would get back after work, Edward would be reading. He’d make supper after bathing and Edward would pry himself from his reading to make his food a victim and then return to his reading and taking notes in that book Alfons had originally thought to be a journal.

Then Alfons would read his paper while Edward read some more, conversation barely happened at all and then he’d sleep and start all over again while Edward did whatever he did after Alfons went lights out.

In the mornings he’d make breakfast and then leave some for Edward and then return again that night to the same process.

So Friday afternoon, getting off work earlier than usual, Alfons decided to change things up.

When Alfons arrived back at the flat he was in high spirits, despite Edward not being overly talkative –the same as usual – he still managed to find himself enjoying every minute of Edward’s company in the days passed living together.

Already in just the week past he’d gotten to see Edward’s just woken expression, ruffled hair and creased clothes a whole four times…every morning when the younger boy woke up and shuffled either to the table or to the bathroom. It surprised Alfons that even though Edward probably only slept in the wee hours of the morning, he still woke up at 6 every day.

Of course he probably went back to sleep after Alfons left, he assumed but couldn’t be sure. Some days he’d come home and Edward’s door was closed, silence on the other side but then when dinner was ready he’d emerge looking very awake, although his beautiful eyes were sometimes red, so Alfons just thought he was probably researching and reading always. But then one day he’d returned just before Ed came through the front door himself, he didn’t say where he’d been but he was fully dressed and sombre as usual.

He was an enigma and Alfons just wanted to get a glimpse of the real true Edward, to see him really smile.

He hoped his planned dinner would achieve that.

He walked inside the flat, bumping the door closed with his shoulder and dumping his satchel onto the floor, holding onto the grocery packet with his free hand. He walked into the kitchen area, taking his usual glance at Edward’s door which was closed.

He sighed, realising he’d be alone through making dinner again…unless…he just knocked and asked Ed for help?

Edward had proven to be a great flat mate, the place was never untidy, there would always only be one lonely coffee cup in the sink or a glass when Alfons would return home. Alfons even took the time to notice that while he’d expected long blonde hairs to clog up his bath tub drain…there had been no such incident. Apparently Edward was rather mindful of his surroundings and how they affected other people.

So why wouldn’t he help prepare supper?

Deciding he’d go ahead with his plan, Alfons shed his coat before he unpacked the cooking items and meat pack of sausage onto the counter in between the sink and stove top and then turned to Edward’s door and walked over, knocking twice as was generally polite in every household, before opening.

But before he just opened he hesitated…not wanting to upset Edward, he knocked twice more and then when no immediate response came, he opened the door just a crack so he could pop his head inside.

“Edward?” he asked into the room, his eyes settling on the blonde.

Alfons was rather pleased – and impressed- that he didn’t pass out at the loss of blood from his body to his face and groin at the sight of Edward…in the middle of the room doing one handed push ups…shirtless…and in loose pants that had started to stick to his defined legs from his obvious sweat worthy exertion.

“Alfons?” Edward glanced up at him from a side angle, his voice a little breathy, his long bangs sticking to his forehead a bit. He did two more and then stopped, bringing his right –yellow- arm down from his lower back and then bringing his legs in and settling in a crouch, shallow breaths making his defined shoulders and chest rise and fall lightly, he was looking at Alfons…

Who was unaware of the fact he looked like a dazed fool standing there staring at a shirtless –and oh so fucking gorgeous- Edward.

“Alfons…I didn’t hear you knock.” Edward spoke again standing up.

When he moved to stand up, Alfons came back to reality, tearing his gaze away from the – **ridiculously taut, defined and fit** \- torso of the younger man. He was quite sure it wasn’t normal for anyone their age to be so completely ripped, yet lean…and sheened with sweat.

His face was red, he knew it and Edward knew it and he didn’t know how to move passed the obvious blush.

“You German’s are pretty conservative huh…” Edward was smirking, “…you never seen another guy shirtless before?” he asked casually as he pushed his braid over his shoulder onto his sticky back and reached for his T shirt hanging over the back of the chair at the desk.

“I…well…” Alfons glanced at Edward as he raised the shirt up and pulled it over his head, “…it’s…um…” he stared at the floor again, “…yes, we’re conservative.” He mumbled in agreement.

Edward was quiet a moment but Alfons, since he was still red in his face, didn’t dare look at him.

“Right, I’ll keep that in mind I guess.” Edward said, sounding unconvinced somehow.

That worried Alfons, right then, beaming like a red light, he was as obvious as possible, if Edward caught on and became offended, there’d be no excuses.

“You wanted something?” he took his hair out of its braid slowly, looking away from Alfons as he did so.

Alfons glanced at him, having never seen his hair braided before and only in the pony tail, he thought it looked good on Edward,

“I was going to ask you…to um, help me with supper. I bought…some meat for tonight.” He sounded soft and pathetic even to himself.

“Meat? Wasn’t that expensive?” Edward was done re-braiding, as he turned to Alfons his fingers finished off the looping of the band at the end.

“Yes…” Alfons felt his face cooling down just a little so he looked at Ed more directly, “…but I’m able to afford it once in a while.”

Edward shrugged, his hands on his narrow hips,

“Okay…sounds good. Sure I’ll help out.” He walked toward Alfons who –again stupidly- practically jumped out of the doorway, doubting his resolve at that moment to not sniff, touch or even worse, make some amateur move on Edward as he passed by in the tight space of the door way.

Edward walked over to the kitchen sink and started to wash his hands, giving Alfons a moment without his gaze so the fairer blonde could try and compose himself. Of all the things he fantasised about all his life and more recently about Edward, the image he was gifted with moments ago was heavenly.

Even right then his mind replayed the defined abs all the way to the deep lined V shape of Edward’s adonis belt…a perfect shape, so perfect he could probably outline it clearly with his fingertips…

He was turning red again, very quickly.

He sighed quietly, trying to clear his mind.

Edward’s physical build made him ashamed of himself when he thought about it.

Edwards arms, shoulders…his chest…his abs…they looked so firm, he wished he could have just felt…

Alarmingly – for Edward- Alfons smacked himself in the face. It was the quickest solution to squashing the growing heat in his crotch but for Edward it was a loud smacking sound and when he turned around with dripping wet hands, Alfons had a five finger red swelling hand print on his right cheek, where he stood against the wall beside Ed’s door.

“Did you…just…slap yourself…in the face?” he asked with an eye twitch of confusion.

Alfons blinked, his right cheek stinging,

“Yes, I did.” He answered calmly, “…but no matter…let’s make supper.” He smiled very happily and joined Edward at the sink to wash his own hands.

Trying to ignore the fact that Edward…was trying not to laugh at him.

 

* * *

 

Edward sat back after finishing off the meal,

“That was great…thanks Alfons.”

Alfons was still chewing on his last mouthful so he waited to swallow and then nodded with a smile,

“And thank you…I hadn’t imagined you knew how to cook.” He was being serious.

Ed let out an amused huff,

“Cook…I wouldn’t call it that. I know how to put ingredients together really well and calculate proportions and amounts…but that’s an entirely different skill. Even if I did get all the stuff in a pot together right…I’d just burn it anyway…” he seemed almost nostalgic at the words.

“Is that an assumption or a memory?” Alfons laughed and then sipped his water, he had been the one to ultimately ‘cook’ the food they’d just eaten.

Ed’s fine blonde eyebrows rose,

“A memory…” he smirked.

He wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere, since Edward seemed to have really enjoyed the late evening time they’d spent together.

“Well, it’s a skill never the less.” Alfons added and stood up to gather the dishes.

Edward stood too,

“You want me to help you with the dishes?” he often offered.

“No, thank you.” Alfons always answered.

“Ok…well I’m gonna take a bath since you’re not gonna use it right now.” He scraped his chair in to place after standing up and then walked round to do the same to Alfon’s chair.

But Alfons was too busy shuffling dishes into the warm water to take notice of Ed’s announcement right away, thinking nothing of it at first, he knew Edward took baths.

Of course…as he started to scrub away the food from the second bowl…it dawned on him that Edward only took baths once he was already in bed usually.

He smiled, it was a nice change to the routine…then again, seeing Edward working out half naked was a nice change too.

He blushed. Thinking back to when Edward had said he wouldn’t use the gymnasium at the university. After seeing his arm and leg, he understood why Edward would avoid the attention that would obviously ensue…in a changing Germany as well…it was a risky thing to reveal to just anyone.

Not that Edward needed a gym, the apartment seemed to be working out great for both of them.

Alfons was still blushing and experiencing rather cliché butterflies in his abdomen region.

He blinked as he washed distractedly, trying to purify his thoughts, letting his mind drift back to politics when all else failed.

He knew even though Edward looked German and sounded German and really wasn’t disabled in any way by his advanced mechanical limbs…there were dangerous people in Germany at the moment…the things he’d been hearing down at the pub and at work about getting all of the outsiders out of Germany were a little worrisome.

Edward was so proud of not being German…he only hoped the younger boy didn’t go blurting it out around some of the more patriotic types in town.

He briefly thought about talking to Edward about it as he finished off rinsing the dishes.

Once he was done he dried his hands on the plain brown dish cloth hanging above the skin and then turned around to go to his room, slipping his suspenders off his shoulders with a sigh.

He walked into his bedroom and started unbuttoning his shirt, in the back of his mind he was aware of the sound of running water from the bathroom even after he closed his door.

He’d lain in bed listening to that sound often, he noticed that it often took a good 10 minutes before the bath would be drawn.

Alfons had tried to picture it one night, Edward undressing down to his underwear, brushing his teeth, shaving…if he did that at all Alfons didn’t know. Then stripping naked…

That was as far as he got usually, because he wanted to be able to face Edward the next day and not feel guilty about beating off to an imaginary naked image of him, although it was so hard to resist doing.

Like right then, the water stopped running and he heard the sounds of the water as Edward got into the tub, small apartment, thin walls and all.

His neck was already reddish again and his ears would be joining in soon, he had never been quite so flustered before, no one had made him so horny before. But of course, he’d never lived with another man he desired sexually before either.

And that damn emotional attachment was becoming a pain too, mind you.

“Damnit…” he mumbled and ran his hand over his crotch, feeling his growing arousal inside his loose pants.

But he didn’t do anything about it, Alfons tried his best not to give in to those urges. He always reminded himself that his parents had been good Christians and they would hate him for his sins.

He only thought of that when he needed to push away the needs, it didn’t always work though as he got older. When he was younger, early teens, he’d fantasise about being with other boys, he’d wanted to but the opportunities never easily presented themselves and Alfon’s guilt and childhood instilled fears kept him from seeking it out.

That was until he was a little older and all of that pent up frustration was harder to ignore.

That was when he’d made those two secret trips to the dodgy underground slews of Germany to have some anonymous and only half satisfying sex. The places people went to keep dirty secrets.

He knew it wasn’t decent or very safe and he put a lot of hope into the condoms he wore to keep him from illness, he’d been lucky so far…then again, the risk would increase if the frequency did.

He didn’t want that.

As he bunched his removed white shirt in his hands he sighed, all he wanted was to be with someone he could love, one person. But because he was…technically gay, he could never really be with someone he wanted.

Edward was a nice dream and all but realistically he knew the chances of Edward being gay, interested in him or even tolerant of such a thing were minimal.

It was a very nice dream though.

He took his suspenders off of his pants, then stepped out of his tight shoes and wiggled his toes as he pulled his socks off, gathering all the clothes for the hamper, tomorrow he’d go downstairs and do their laundry.

It would be their first weekend together, so the first weekend doing laundry together, spending whole days together. He wondered if it would go well.

He bunched the clothes against himself, leaving the room in his pants and a white under vest to see if Edward was done in the bathroom.

There was silence in there but the door was still shut so he waited at the side of the door.

A minute later the door opened and Alfons looked to the side, Edward stepped out.

For the second time that night Alfons felt like he’d pass out.

Edward only noticed him then, folding over the knot of the towel around his waist.

All Alfons could see was SKIN. Lots and lots of naked skin.

“Alfons!” Edward yelled, “You look like you’re gonna pass out!”

Alfons felt like it too and he offered Edward a very stressed smile, red in the face and the bunch of clothes suspiciously at his lower mid section,

“It’s my fault, I’m un-used to you bathing when I’m awake, I forgot it would…well…that you might be…almost… _naked_ …” that last word was partially squeaked out.

Edward shook his head, making some of his open damp hair release drips of water onto his naked shoulders,

“You’re strange, Alfons.” He mumbled.

“Eh…” he managed a sound and shamefully –not subtly- his eyes took another look over the expanse of skin.

If Edward noticed the mild leering he didn’t comment but when Alfons frowned he did too,

“What?” Edward asked, glancing at his towel to make sure it was still in place, then at his shoulder skin fold to see if he’d put it back on wrong in the bathroom.

“You’re body…” Alfons’ skin colour was returning to normal in his face as he became serious, “…is covered in scars…” it was said quietly.

It was the wrong thing to point out,

“Yeah, well stop fucking staring at it then!” Edward yelled and walked away furiously, open wet hair leaving water droplets in his trail.

He hadn’t meant anything bad by it, he wasn’t disturbed or anything…or disgusted like maybe Ed perceived it, he’d just been shocked.

17 years old and so badly scarred.

Not just around his right shoulder but over his chest, his sides…his mid-section had a huge scar on the left side, like something thick and sharp might leave behind after being plunged into him.

He shivered at the thought of Edward being so horribly injured.

He hadn’t noticed earlier in the late afternoon light of the room, the discoloured skin had blended with the peach orange hues of sundown, but now in the lighting from the bathroom and passage, it was clearer.

He closed his eyes tightly and grimaced, he knew he’d upset the other yet again by his careless words.

But Edward just seemed to have more and more secrets.

And Alfons had more and more questions.


	7. Jumping Somebody Else's Train

Alfons didn't attempt to make things right between himself and Edward that night, he knew from previous encounters back in university and when he'd been punched in the face, that Edward had a short temper and would need time to cool down.

So the following morning he walked out of his room like he usually did on a weekend, not in his work clothes rushing to the bathroom quickly, but in his pyjamas, with his hair about as messy as its short length could get, dragging his bare feet a little since he was still groggy, he wandered into the bathroom.

Five minutes later he emerged, his hair a little neater and face washed, feeling a little more alert.

Alert enough to realise that there were noises coming from Edward's room, like clacking and shuffling.

Yesterday he remembered knocking insufficiently loud so this time he made sure Edward would hear his louder knocks,

"Edward? Are you up?" he called from outside the door.

There was quiet, the clacking stopped and then he heard a response,

"Yeah…come in."

Glad that Edward hadn't said the opposite he opened the door and peered in before stepping inside and watching Edward as he leaned over the trunk in his room.

He'd never seen Edward in boxer shorts but his mind supplied him enough decency not to stare at Edward's rear and his bare right leg because his left leg prosthetic was visible from above the back of his knee down, the covering wasn't over it and it was far more distracting right then.

Alfons didn't want to stare at the mechanical intricacies too much in case Edward noticed so he focussed on what the other was doing.

That trunk was always closed, since Edward had moved in, he'd never gotten to see what the golden eyed teen kept in there, so curious as he was, he took small quiet steps closer,

"What're you looking for this early?" he enquired harmlessly.

Edward glanced at him over his shoulder, he wore a grey sleeveless T shirt with his white boxers and didn't say anything because Alfons had reached the trunk and now knew exactly what Edward was doing.

"Two of them are broken…" he mumbled as he picked up on of the prosthetic arms, "…my legs last longer than my arm prosthetics…" he walked away from the trunk holding an arm in his hands.

His arm prosthetic was exposed too and Alfons didn't hide his stare, looking over the plastic covering that was over Edward's entire right shoulder and under.

"It's part of your shoulder…?" he didn't know how to say 'Are you missing part of your shoulder' nicely.

Edward had sat down on the bed and placed the prosthetic arm on his lap,

"No…the plastic covering keeps my port concealed." He said as if that made sense.

"Port…?" Alfons tried to understand but even the English word didn't quite fit.

"Yeah…" Edward mumbled and unclipped the leather straps of the prosthetic with a click and a grimace, "…for my auto…" he trailed off and blinked, then looked at Alfons, "…it's to connect the prosthetic."

Alfons was staring at the empty space where Edward's arm was a moment ago, inside of his shoulder socket covering was metal and wire and a round entrance point also surrounded by metal plating and wires, a few screws,

"I see…" he didn't have a clue but he was astonished at how advanced it looked, "You're father did that…" he pointed to the port in Ed's shoulder.

The younger blonde seemed to think of what to say while he lifted the new arm up,

"No, he made these arms and legs…a friend of mine made and installed the port in my arm. If it weren't for her, my father would have had no foundation to create these limbs for me here…" it was a soft explanation, ended with the attachment of the limb, a click and another wince from Edward as he fastened the straps under his shirt.

Installed…that word alone freaked him out. He had heard of bio chemical experimentation, anyone who had their ears to the ground these days heard rumours about the new regime and their experiments. He wondered if this was the same kind of engineering.

He had so many questions, where was she from? Where was Edward from that the limbs of advanced technology were not common here?

He didn't know a part of the world notorious for machinery built into people…the Japanese maybe?

With so many questions and that nostalgic sad look on Edward's face as he rubbed his shoulder, Alfons decided not to upset the situation any further,

"It looks like it hurts." He walked closer, "…may I?" he gestured to the discarded arm.

Edward nodded and continued rubbing his shoulder,

"It's connected to my nerves, when I remove it or reattach it everything has to line up…so it hurts…yeah."

Alfons was looking over the arm with fascination, especially the part that clipped into the port,

"Your father is a mechanical genius…" he smiled to himself.

"Pfft…" Edward responded politely, "…Winry is a mechanical genius…my father is second rate." He stood up.

"Winry…she's the girl who made and…installed, the port, right?" he was trying to keep up with Edward's bizarre life.

He nodded,

"Yeah, these limbs are nothing compare to what I used to have…" he smiled at those words, flexing the thin metal fingers with a sigh.

Alfons found himself even more intrigued at what something more advanced than nerve reacting mechanical prosthetics could be or look like.

He wondered where these mechanical wonders were if Edward had them.

"Why don't you have them anymore?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

Edward had been standing with his hands on his hips, so he turned to Alfons with an annoyed look, taking his arm from the other and walking to his trunk,

"They stopped…functioning."

"She can't fix them?"

"She's not here…" he sounded like he was getting angry but then it was deflated, "…besides. The mechanics and physics don't balance here. She'd probably love the challenge of creating something new but…" he stopped talking when he saw Alfons frowning when he turned around.

"The physics? You're implying that the make up the physical world is different depending on where you are? That's ridiculous Edward." Alfons was certain and he shook his head, wanting a response.

Edward blinked, he hadn't considered what he was saying to the other. Alfons wouldn't know that everything in this world was slightly different from his own, from the core of the planet, to its crust and mantle and the atmosphere, gravity…the air was even slightly different on a molecular level.

But no one here would know that, no one who hadn't passed through the gate could know, he'd known, his father had known. Breathing had seemed a little harder when he'd first started living with his father in England, Hohenheim telling him he'd adjust, but Edward found that the gravity was actually a little less in this world making his feel lighter, only by fractions but enough to affect every physical calculation he'd ever made and that his own world calculated science by.

So he chose not to answer,

"I was thinking of going for a walk this morning…so I'll eat when I get back." Edward brushed the subject aside.

Alfons frowned at the evasion but shrugged,

"Fine…" he turned to walk out of the room as Edward was opening the window and he felt the cool breeze and stopped, turning to Edward, "…can I join you?"

He honestly expected a no as he stared at Edward where he leaned against the window frame, not looking at him, but then he smiled slightly and nodded,

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

After washing up and getting dressed the two teens headed out for the morning, it was not that there was anything much to see but walking around in the fresh air was nice.

Plus, Alfons was pleased he and Edward would actually spend time together, since weekdays didn't see much of that.

As they walked past the familiar pub the guys gathered around all greeted Alfons and Edward, they didn't really know Edward well but they recognised him.

Alfons lowered his arms after waving,

"You know them?"

Edward glanced at him,

"Yeah…I've been in there a few times." He mumbled.

"I thought you said you don't drink." He raised an accusing eyebrow.

"I don't drink like you all do and I don't drink beer." He raised his own eyebrow.

"Can you afford to drink anything else?"

"I only have one drink…and it's usually a shot of brandy." Edward gestured to his shoulder. "…when I lived with my dad I used to drink his brandy sometimes." But of course a certain Colonel introduced him to the one evening shot when he was much younger. It had been a secret.

"One shot…what's the point?" Alfons wondered, since whenever he drank it was for the euphoria of being tipsy and lightheaded like everyone he knew.

Edward smiled,

"I like the way it tastes actually."

"That's ridiculous Edward! It tastes horrible and you know it." He laughed.

Edward just kept smirking,

"Fair enough…it…numbs the pain in my limbs a little." he admitted.

In his own world, alcohol used to have no effect on him. The few occasions where he'd have champagne around Granny or a drink in a bar when Alphonse was not in his immediate vicinity, he'd noticed that it didn't affect him. When he'd asked Winry about it, she explained it was because of the automail…right after she whacked him over the head with a spanner for underage drinking.

The State Alchemist watch always convinced people he was older and just looked young…and…short. But it also helped scare them into giving him what he wanted.

The memories were fond actually.

He'd only ever even asked for Brandy because it's what Roy Mustang used to drink, that bastard was the first person who ever offered him a drink, saying something about 'wanna act like an adult, drink like one'.

It had been ironic since he was tipsy and was behaving like a delinquent himself when he encouraged a 15 year old Edward to have a generous shot of Brandy, but Edward hadn't declined, meeting the challenge head on and gagging for the life of him when he tasted the wretched drink.

He'd yelled at Roy a lot like how Alfons had yelled at him just now.

"Edward…is something funny?" Alfons was frowning at him as they walked.

Edward had a cheeky grin on his face and he blinked when he remembered Alfons was with him,

"Oh…haha…um, just remembering something." He mumbled.

Alfons felt left out, the memory was obviously pleasant.

"Well you didn't answer my question…" he informed.

"Oh, what did you say?" Edward raised his eyebrows.

"I asked why you don't see a doctor and get a prescription for pain meds…it's not too cheap but they write repeat prescriptions for a consult…" Alfons explained, hands in his coat pockets as they walked the dull streets.

"A doctor would ask too many questions about mechanical limbs…" Edward sighed.

Alfons nodded but then he smiled,

"The doctor my aunt always took me too knows me well and he's a great guy…I don't think he'd ask questions if we told him to be discreet." He offered.

"You trust the guy…really trust him?" Edward sounded unconvinced.

Alfons stopped him with a light hand on his arm,.  
"I wouldn't tell you about him if I thought he'd be trouble Edward, I wouldn't put you in that sort of situation. You can trust me." He was sincere in his words and it showed on his face.

To Edward, it was so close to a face he remembered as a child so he looked away but he nodded,

"We'll see…"

It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no…so Alfons took it as a sign that Edward trusted him at least minimally.

* * *

As they walked the lack of conversation seemed to punctuate the silence, the streets were not really empty that early morning yet it seemed really quiet. Alfons cleared his throat,

"So Edward, tell me about your brother. What was he like?" he was hopeful the shorter blonde wouldn't mind him asking.

Edward glanced at him, that old familiar look of uncertainty but it passed and he half shrugged, hands slipping deeper into his coat pockets and eyes staring off in the opposite direction of Alfons,

"He was…great." He smiled lightly, "…he was everything I'm not, calm, sensitive, nice guy, rational…so much smarter than me…"

Alfons frowned and smiled,

"Two brothers and both of them of genius intelligence…"

"That's not what I mean…" Edward glanced at him and then blinked, "...I mean, of course Al was super intelligent…but I mean that he…he always knew better than me. He was always there to stop me from doing things I'd regret." He mumbled.

"Like what?" Alfons kept his tone soft and mildly inquisitive as they walked, their shoes scuffing on the cobble stones.

Again Edward seemed like he wasn't sure he should say but Alfons was happy to see that in some way, Edward wanted to share, he wanted to trust because his lips quirked into a thoughtful scowl before he gave into Alfon's question, still looking away from him,

"One time…someone…we cared about…was…she was hurt." He started quietly and softly, "…she was hurt by her father…" his eyes got a little darker than Alfons had seen before, "…I got so blindly angry…that I started to punch him in his face…with my right arm…over and over and…I wouldn't have stopped…I would have hit him until…" he turned his head completely away so Alfons couldn't see his face, "…but Al stopped me before I could kill him, he always stopped me." He still seemed calm.

That air of detachment never leaving him.

There was a definitive chill that ran down Alfon's spine at those words, not only about a little girl being abused by her father…but Edward beating a man to near death, he had only one question,

"How old were you?"

Edward turned his head facing forward and glanced at him,

"15."

It seemed crazy…it seemed unlikely. But why would Edward tell such a lie?

"You beat a man to near death…at 15?" Alfons just wanted it to make sense, "Excuse my asking Edward…but what kind of life does a 15 year old lead to make him capable of doing something like that."

Many emotions flitted over Edward's face but he settled on the usual look of detachment,

"I'd had a very violent childhood…" he almost sounded amused, "…and I ended up in the military at 12, so…it was part of my job to beat the shit out of criminals and assholes." Again he sounded amused.

Alfons was stumped, he knew that sometimes un-uniform militia or rebel units had children in their artillery, even during the previous war in Germany there had been some gun toting teens, but England wouldn't have been that way…he thought so anyway.

"You don't believe me…" Edward mumbled.

Alfons who had spaced out snapped back and looked at Edward's smirking face,

"I…well…it's just…it seems unlikely is all."

"And now you know…why I prefer not to talk to anyone about myself." Came the quiet reply.

Alfons knew Edward was referencing all the times at the university that he'd insisted Edward should open up, this was the reason he didn't apparently. Either his life had been a torrent of violence, physical mutilation and death…or he was…lying.

Alfons wasn't sure which of those options he wanted to believe…they were both horrible.

* * *

They continued to walk in silence until they came to a familiar street, Alfons stopped walking,

"Edward, down this street is the warehouse where we are working on our primary rocket prototype, I know you don't care much for rocketry anymore, but would you like to take a look." He smiled.

Edward had stopped walking and was facing Alfons, he glanced down the street of business's and small warehouses,

"Yeah, sure." He nodded and they started walking down that street.

"Are you still working under Oberth's supervision?" he asked conversationally.

Alfons shook his head,

"No, the few people who stayed behind in Romania got to work with him but some of us didn't want to stay there, I wanted to return home so the rest of us came back together and have been working under independent sponsorship…from a university here in Munich. It's limited funding but we're making it work…" he said feeling proud.

Edward nodded,

"That's great…" he didn't sound like he meant it or even really cared, "…are you guys close to getting a working prototype?"

"Well…the one we built in Romania was the only one that was actually able to launch but as you know, the propulsion was minimal and it almost exploded at just 15 feet into the air. It was so small as well…the university has given us specifications of size and distance it has to reach into the air to see if we are any good at it…of course if it were easy we'd have made one a lot quicker." Alfons enjoyed talking about work.

They reached the 23rd warehouse and Alfons took out his set of house keys from his pocket, finding a single golden coloured key and unlocking the padlock on the large doors.

Once they stepped inside he switched on two lights and the dust in the air was visible then, Edward pulled the door closed behind him, shutting out the morning sunshine.

Alfons walked over to a dull beige sheet covering a cylindrical shape over a large table work space. The shape beneath the sheet was about half the height of Alfons and almost the same width, he took the cover off it as Edward came closer.

It was a standard design for the rocket, Edward recognised his own modifications and some new ones to the original they'd created in Romania. He walked round, looking at the small thrusters on the bottom,

"What do you think?

Edward had moved over to the plans laid out on three grey steel tables, he switched on the lamps over head and his eyes roamed over the papers and blueprints,

"Who designed this?" he mumbled.

"A guy named Herman, he joined once we formed our work group here in Munich. He is an engineer architect."

"Hm." Edward responded and switched the light off again, "…it looks…" he seemed to debate with himself what to say when he saw Alfons' hopeful look, "…it looks like you guys are making good progress." He walked past Alfons, their shoulders brushing since the space between tables and machines were narrow and he walked toward the door, "…I'm hungry, lets head back."

With a sigh, feeling like he'd been belittled somehow, Alfons followed


	8. Nothing From Something

The rest of Saturday was uneventful, when they returned they had toast and then went about their different activities. Alfons listened to some radio in the small warm den while paging through a book he'd not finished reading the previous week.

Edward was as usual, in his bedroom.

The younger blonde didn't emerge until about 8.30 pm when Alfons was turning out the lights and about to turn in, they stopped in the hall, Edward's hand on the bathroom door handle and a towel over his shoulder, Alfons almost to his room.

Edward nodded, Alfons nodded and they went into their separate rooms.

It was disappointing, Alfons had hoped they'd become better friends but the wall of tension just seemed to get worse between them. He knew it was partially his fault but then again, how could he be expected to just believe everything Edward said, even when it didn't make sense?

He felt bad for feeling that way.

* * *

 

**The Next Day**

It was around 10 am when he'd showered and dressed for the day, he was going out to buy some fresh bread and butter when a knock sounded on the door.

He glanced at Edward's bedroom door, still closed and then walked across the room to the front door.

He opened it and cracked a smile,

"Hi guys…" he greeted his work friends, "…what are you doing here?"

"You weren't at the beer hall last night, we came to check on you." Falman smiled.

Alfons raised his fine blonde eyebrows, since Edward was living with him he'd not been drinking much or going out really and he supposed considering it was the norm before, they had a right to notice.

On the other hand, they didn't like Edward and didn't know Edward had taken up the spare room in his apartment, so they'd blame Edward.

"I've been busy, working here at home in my free time to try and find a solution to the rocket's launching speed." He smiled convincingly.

"You can't work all the time Alfons." Dorochet piped up with an exaggerated expression of incredulity, "…you already do more than any of us."

"Come have a drink with us." Falman grabbed his shoulder and Alfons' jaw dropped slightly,

"It's 10 am!"

"One beer in the morning is a healthy start to a day Alfons!" they laughed and dragged him from his apartment.

* * *

It wasn't so bad to have a cold beer with the guys, they laughed and joked about different things happening in the country and some people they knew, some talk about work and Alfons had started on his second beer.

He didn't get much conversation out of Edward and truly they had almost nothing in common, so he appreciated this.

Yet he still wanted so badly to be closer to Edward. He hated the idea that he wanted such a thing simply because he desired to be intimate with him, that would make him lecherous and pathetic.

He sighed as he got half way through his second beer.

"What's going on Alfons, you look like you're having trouble of the heart?" one of the other men sitting at their table, a familiar guy, asked him with a smile.

"How can you tell such a thing Jaq?" Alfons tried to laugh it off.

"Because your face gives it away, you look love sick!" they all joined in voicing agreement, patting him on his shoulders and back while smiling and laughing.

 _'Love…'_  he thought.

He didn't want to believe he was in love with Edward…hell, he wasn't sure he'd survive loving someone so emotionally detached. He was a pretty sensitive guy, he knew when he fell someday for a man he could never be with in the long run, it'd be hard…so he was scared of the idea of falling for Edward of all unattainable guys.

Not only was there a 0% chance of intimacy with him, there was no chance of feelings either.

"See, there's that look again! Who is the young girl that's got you so troubled?"

Alfons looked up from his beer, he knew he had to tell a plausible lie,

"It's an ex-girlfriend actually…I haven't quite gotten over her."

They all made sounds of understanding and someone commented that that was the reason he'd been lazing around at home so much, followed by words of encouragement and tales of how many fish there were in the sea. Alfons nodded and smiled.

Conversation went on and despite knowing he shouldn't Alfons was about to order a third beer, but then someone walked into the beer hall and conversation fell quiet for a moment, most of the people didn't recognize Edward but those who did greeted as he approached and he greeted back.

Alfons heard the name greeted and the voice of Edward, he turned around to see Edward approaching him, he quickly glanced at his friends who were frowning at the sight of the boy they'd believed was still in Romania somewhere.

"Edward?' Falman frowned.

Edward reached the table and keeping his hands in his pockets gave an all-around glance at everyone,

"Yeah, hi everyone." He spoke to everyone, even the people he didn't recognise.

"What are you doing in Munich?" Dorochet asked.

Everyone stared at Edward and he glanced at Alfons who blinked and sipped his beer before clearing his throat,

"He…uh…he took over the available room in my apartment…" they stared and he cleared his throat again, "…about a week ago."

The guys nodded, it didn't seem like a hostile situation.

"Have a drink with us Edward!" Falman said loudly so everyone agreed.

But Alfons knew it was a test to see if Edward still thought he was better than them and Alfons knew what Ed's answer would be so he intercepted, standing up,

"No, no no, it's actually good that you came to fetch me…" he at least hoped that's why Edward was there, "…I was getting carried away too early in the morning." He laughed.

He placed a hand on Edward's shoulder, hating how the platonic contact gave him butterflies and pushed them toward the exit,

"See you tomorrow guys!"

Edward went without a fuss.

They all mumbled and shouted their parting words and then Edward and Alfons were outside under the bright noon sun and the shorter blonde shrugged his hand off.

Alfons felt hurt. If Edward didn't even want such a small physical gesture, his feelings were hopeless.

They started walking and he noticed how tense Edward's shoulders were, he wondered if maybe the younger blonde was upset about something else…or something additional.

"Edward, you ok?" Alfons questioned quietly, the warm sun made him feel tipsier than he was.

Edward glanced at him,

"You don't have to try and defend me to those guys, they don't scare me." He responded sounding more agitated than he appeared.

Alfons blinked his slightly tired blue eyes and looked at the ground ahead of him as he walked,

"I wasn't defending you…"  
"You were trying to get me out of there."

"Well, they take offence by your standoffish ways…I just didn't want a confrontation-" Alfons fell silent when Edward looked at him and stopped walking,

"And I just said that I don't need you defending me." He sighed and looked back the way they'd come.

"Look, I don't give a shit about those drunk morons…" that was offensive and yet Edward didn't seem to notice or care and Alfons frowned, "…I came to find you because I wanted to show you something. But forget it…" Edward started walking away.

"No!" Alfons reached out and grabbed Edward's wrist, making the shorter blonde stop and look at him, "…I want to see whatever…it…is…" he smiled.

"Well let's go home then." Edward glanced at his wrist to show he wanted Alfons to stop touching him.

He did so and felt a little tingly since Edward had called their apartment 'home'.

* * *

The walk back was quiet and once inside Edward went into his room, leaving the door open. Alfons kicked his shoes off and rubbed a hand over his tired face, realising he hadn't gotten any groceries.

"Here…" Edward's voice called his attention.

Alfons was standing against the front door in the entrance hall and from there he could see Edward roll out a blueprint onto the kitchen table. He pushed himself off the door and walked over, standing next to Edward so he could see the blueprint the right way.

His brain was sluggish but once he realised what he was looking at his blue eyes widened,

"Edward…this is…" he leaned closer, running his hands over the papers to read the exact calculations at different points in the rocket design.

"After I saw that prototype yesterday I decided to draw something up, you don't have to use it but-"

"Why wouldn't I use it?" Alfons turned to him, his hands leaving the paper and it rolled up again partially into its original state.

Edward leaned backward a little since Alfons was standing pretty close, his bright blue eyes being a bit too excited and intense for a moment,

"I mean if you like the other idea more…"

"But yours is better, why would we use a faulty model?" he shook his head, perplexed at Edward's disregard for the excellent miniature rocket model design, its specifications would make it about a meter and a half long, of course if they wanted they could make it smaller for tinier test models, it'd save money at first.

Alfons was smiling at the design, one thumb in his suspender another leaning on the reopened paper.

"Ok…well I hope it goes well." Edward turned to walk away.

"Edward…" Alfons reached out, touching Edward for the second time that day, feeling strangely bold with his hand on Edward's prosthetic shoulder over his white cotton shirt.

It didn't linger because Edward turned around and manoeuvred so Alfons had to let up his light touch,

"You should come and work with us again, I know rocketry is no longer your passion. But you were obviously born to do this. It comes naturally to you…" he saw Edward's frown and knew his words were received negatively.

"I wasn't born to make machinery and weapons, it's just that in this place it's all I could do." He said irritably and looked away from Alfons, leaning against the table.

"But you're so brilliant at it…" he encouraged, leaning off the table and standing up straight.

"I'm good at understanding how things work, inside and out. How I choose to apply that just depends on my circumstances and in this case…it was useful to me…or at least…I thought it would be…" Edward turned and walked away after making a sound of frustration, he went down the hall and into the den.

Alfons sighed and rolled up the plans.

If what Edward said was true then he could do just about anything with that brain of his. And yet he hated compliments about his intelligence.

He walked down the hall passed the den to his room and slipped inside quietly, rolling the large paper neatly as he approached his desk and found an elastic to tie around it.

Then he left it on the desk and exited, closing his door quietly and walking to stop in the entrance of the den,

"I forgot to get the groceries, I'm gonna go out and get them now." He said to the back of Edward's head as he sat in the two seat sofa and listened to the radio in the windowless room.

"Hn." Was the only response he got.

* * *

He really hadn't intended too but he was just so down.

Alfons wobbled home with Falman at his side hours later, laughing drunkenly at something or the other, making fun of Alfons' imaginary girl problems.

After he'd bought the bread and butter, with some fruit…and a small bottle of really cheap Vodka, he'd been walking by the drinking hall when his friends saw him. He'd said no, that he'd spent too much money already but they'd said they were buying, someone had come into some cash or something.

Being as down as he was about Edward's dismissal of him earlier, or perhaps as an excuse, he agreed.

Now he'd had five large additional beers to his afternoon drinks, it was after 5 pm and he'd finally insisted he had to go, Falman decided to walk him unnecessarily so he could impart his wisdom of how to deal with women onto his younger friend.

When he reached his building entrance he waved Falman off, nearly dropping his package which he hadn't managed to lose and then he turned and hobbled up the stairs.

By the time he reached the door he'd almost fallen twice.

He'd taken out his small bottle of Vodka at the beer hall and started drinking that in between the beers, Alfons wasn't sure why he suddenly felt like he needed to drown his sorrows, but he just felt so sad.

Managing to get his key into the lock, he entered noisily and closed the door louder than was necessary.

Making his way over to the table and dumping the packet there, he went to the bathroom needing to relieve himself.

When he emerged 2 minutes later, wiping his washed wet hands on his pants in his disoriented state, Edward was standing and staring at the crumbled grocery bag, squashed bread and half melted butter.

The fruit was still fine.

He looked at Alfons when he made his way over,

"Sssorry, it got a little ssquashed." He spoke mostly steady save for the slight slur with a dumb smile.

"You went back to the beer hall." Edward looked at Alfons' red cheeks and ears, clearly he was more than tipsy.

He shrugged,

"Hm, ssoh what."

Edward just sighed and walked away toward his room, Alfons, being drunk, decided to start an argument as drunken folks often do,

"You mad at me  **again,**  Edward?" he asked a little loudly, holding the apple he'd picked up quite tightly as he frowned at the shorter blonde's back.

Edward turned around looking passive,

"Why would I be mad, I don't care what you do in your personal time." He said in that airy tone of his, condescending.

Alfons hated that despite whatever hell Edward went through he was so emotionally detached, like he felt no sorrow…he only showed emotion when…

The taller blonde shook his head,

"You'd care if I wasss your brother though wouldn' you?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

He received a level stare,

"Al wouldn't do something so stupid like get unreasonably drunk…for no reason." Edward sounded so sure, like the very implication was absurd.

"How the hell would you know!? From what you've told me, you couldn't have known him so well." Alfons, for logical reasons he was governed by, thought Edward's brother was probably a vegetable or something of the like, seeing as how Edward lost limbs it must have been an explosion or something.

He noticed the rise of emotion in Edward's usually bland face, anger…like the same anger he'd seen before Edward had punched him in the face long ago,

"You're pissed, you don't even know what the fuck you're talking about." He said more to calm himself.

Alfons narrowed his eyes,

"I'm not that drunk…" he admitted.

Edward's mouth turned down at the sides,

"Good, so when I punch you in the face this time…I won't feel so bad." He started approaching.

Well…Alfons hadn't seen that coming. Since he was in fact pretty damn drunk.

He stumbled around the table and Edward stopped, opposite side of the table now, he felt a little giddy actually with Edward trying to catch him,

"You'll have to catch me first…" he grinned and winked at Edward, his eyes glazed over.

Edward's face turned red, although not entirely from anger…why was Alfons acting so…like he was acting. And why was that smile so disarming?

Edward ignored his heating ears and knowing he was far faster than Alfons, he made like he was going to run around and in his sluggish state Alfons started in the opposite direction.

Edward lifted his butt onto the table and swung himself across faster than Alfons could register and he tackled Alfons into the wall beside the small kitchen window, his hands holding fistfuls of the plain white shirt and the apple went rolling over the linoleum floor.

"Don't talk about Al, you don't know anything about that." He said quietly, his grip was barely even tight and he unclenched the shirt, dropping his hands to his side.

He stared at Edward but as usual the other would only make brief eye contact, Alfons frowned, he could smell Edward's hair and his skin and it was so great, he knew he should just be quiet, but his mouth worked on a track of its own,

"Why don't you look at me? You say you know I'm not your brother but yet you can't look at me?" he tilted his head and all he received was more avoidance from Edward's direct gaze.

"I know you're not him…doesn't mean nothing if I don't wanna look at you!" he raised his voice a bit.

"You  **do**  see your brother when you look at me…I'm  **not**  your brother Edward, I'm my own person, I'm a different person completely…look at me…acknowledge me…Edward…" he said insistently.

Edward just kept glancing at him and then he shook his head and made to turn away.

Alfons grabbed the front of his shirt,

" **I sedt luk et me Edwart!"** he shouted in English.

So Edward did, finally staring straight into Alfons face at close proximity, striking blue eyes and light blonde hair, his skin fairer than Alphonse's could have ever been naturally.

Some part of him did like to nag that it was Alphonse…but he knew it wasn't.

Alphonse never had a cleft in his chin…Alphonse had dimples…Alphonse's forehead didn't crease when he frowned…Alphonse didn't smell like old spice…Alphonse's voice was lighter, fat less mature…Alphonse didn't have a tiny brown beauty spot beside his lower lip…

...Edward widened his golden eyes when he realised Alfons was leaning in toward him…like he was gonna kiss him.


	9. Let's Get F***** Up And Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics at the end of the chapter. Artist - Motion City Soundtrack Song: L.G fuad
> 
> That song is kind of the inspiration for Edward in this story.

Edward's right hand came up instinctively and he shoved Alfons backward against the wall harshly,  hand to Alfons’ chest, he was frowning as he stepped back to put some distance between them,  
“Alfons, what the hell?!” he said a little loudly, a blush rose to his ears.

The taller blonde blinked a few times coming out of his daze, he’d been just **that** close to kissing Edward…just **that** close…to ruining everything. He took a long slow breath and remained against the wall, staring at Edward’s perplexed expression.

Alfons felt a wave of emotions run through him, starting with shock in his face and running all the way to his jelly like knees with fear. If Edward was angry…if Edward was even remotely insulted…would he leave? Worse…would he tell people?

Alfons didn’t want to think about it, the people he worked with however much they called themselves his friends, had never spoken favourably of this sort of behaviour in men. His eyes were wide and his pulse beat quickly in panic but he took a moment to look at Edward.

At least he didn’t look offended…he just looked confused and a lot like he thought Alfons had lost his mind.

Perhaps that was the best thing to say.

Alfons willed his slightly drunken mind into gear and he knew he was red faced and looking as regretful as he felt,

“I’m so sorry Edward…I…I don’t know why I did that! It was completely…absurd!” he said with a dramatic wave of his hand and his heart felt like it was shrinking, a lump settled itself in his throat.

 _‘It’s a lie…I want to kiss you badly...’_ his chest ached.

He pressed his hand against the wall again to push himself off it, he felt the feeling come on…it felt like he would cry.

It was pathetic yes, but these feelings he had for Edward were getting out of hand. He blamed it on his lack of experience, he blamed it on hormones, he blamed it on Edward’s ethereal beauty, brilliant smile and his damn golden eyes. He would blame it on anything…

Edward didn’t say anything at first and then he seemed to relax, though with an underlying awkwardness as he stood near the table,

“…uh…I’m going to…read or something.” He said as he stepped back and went the long way around the table to his room, avoiding Alfons.

A moment later the door closed and Alfons’ legs gave out, he slid down the wall and felt tears burn up his eyes. He wiped them away quickly and was glad no more were forth coming, he hadn’t cried in years and he felt childish.

He stayed on the floor for a while, confident Edward wasn’t coming out of his room again anytime soon.

He felt less drunk as the minutes passed, he sat slouched against the wall under the window with a hand in his wheat coloured hair holding a light grip, his eyes a little red  and his mouth straight, expression solemn.

“So stupid…drunken fool…” he whispered to himself.

He shifted and brought his legs up, resting his arms across his knees so he could lay his head and hide his face. He felt himself getting sleepy and he knew he should get up and go to his room but he felt so light headed, despite what happened he did still have alcohol lacing his system.

And so he didn’t move. 

* * *

Alfons jerked awake when he heard a soft click in the silence, looking up from behind his arms he saw he was sitting in darkness but a light cut across the kitchen…from Edward’s bedroom door.

Alfons felt a headache throb right when he remembered where he was and the incident from the afternoon, at the same time he registered that his entire body ached from falling asleep in the uncomfortable cramped position against the wall.

He moved to get up, using the wall for support, just as the light switched on.

He had just gotten to his feet when Edward spoke,

“Alfons…you’re still there.” He said sounding normal as if nothing had happened.

Alfons didn’t look at him,

“Uh…yes. I fell asleep.” He admitted.

He just wanted to go to his room and continue to sleep, his head throbbed and as the blood rushed back into his legs he felt pins and needles make him even more miserable.

He looked over himself, creased and pathetic, a sore sight for Edward he was sure.

“Are you ok?” he heard the question but was startled when he looked up and Edward was standing right in front of him, he pressed back in to the wall,

“Yes...yes…I’m…fine…” he nodded vigorously and then grimaced when his head throbbed.

Edward smiled.

Edward smiled!!!! Alfons wondered suddenly if ealier had all been a terrible dream? Did that not happen? Did he not try to kiss Edward when he’d been staring at him with a forlorn expression capable of melting the coldest hearts…??

“Look, don’t get all weird on me now. We’re friends right?” Edward’s words made Alfons blink stupidly.

He didn’t know what a sight he was with his hair stuck up in certain places, clothes creased, bright blue eyes wide and clear under the kitchen light, Edward had to smile.

“Y-es…of course we are. I thought…you’d be…angry.” His voice was surprisingly strained.

The shorter blonde who looked the same as he had earlier, except his eyes were a little tired, shrugged and looked at Alfons fondly,

“I wasn’t angry, I was just surprised…you kinda came out of nowhere.” He laughed quietly.

Alfons felt his legs get a little jelly like again, pins and needles be damned, he couldn’t feel anything except the cool wall under his sweaty palms. He opened his mouth and closed it again, then he frowned and formed words successfully,

“Came out of nowhere?” he repeated trying to understand.

He still wasn’t sure if what he remembered had happened, he had been drinking cheap liquor and he wasn’t known for holding his alcohol well, maybe he’d dreamed it!

Edward nodded and stuck his hands into his pants pockets,

“Yeah, when you tried to kiss me.” He said casually.

Alfons turned a full flushed red and his blue eyes widened before he shrunk in on himself and shimmied by Edward without touching, his legs still precariously holding him up as he tried to sneak away…in plain sight.

He didn’t see Edward raise an eyebrow at his bright red face and awkward behaviour.

He was trying to will himself to disappear now that he realised, soberly, that he’d **actually** done that!

“Alfons…” Edward said from a few feet behind him, “…you were going to kiss me, right?” he sounded like he knew the answer, so why was he asking?

‘ _Probably because I’m cringing like this is his fault…’_ he chastised himself.

Taking a rather loud breath Alfons turned around, raking a slightly shaking hand through his already untidy hair, he looked at Edward and leaned his hand on the back of a kitchen chair,

“…I…I was, yes. I’m so sorry.” He said quietly, feeling less afraid since Edward wasn’t threatening him or angry.

Again Edward smiled and he looked amused, his cheeks a little red still,

“It’s okay you don’t have to be sorry, just don’t be weird about it.” He reasoned.

Alfons nodded first and then shook his head in confusion,

“Why…why aren’t you being weird about it?”

Edward turned a little redder at that question,

“Uh…well we live together. It’d be uncomfortable if we avoided each other and stuff…”

Alfons blinked and swallowed,

“…but why aren’t you bothered by it…by what I…tried to do?” he felt like he shouldn’t ask but he really couldn’t help his curiosity.

Edward’s face took on an ‘Oh’ expression, slipping his hands from his pockets as he turned to the counter behind him and opened the bread bin,

“It doesn’t bother me cause…well, I don’t have a problem with that sort of thing.”

Alfons felt his shoulders lose an immense amount of tension, Edward wasn’t going to turn on him.

Edward was starting to butter himself some bread in the midst of the awkward conversation,

“I didn’t know you were gay though.” He mumbled more to himself.

Alfons blanched,

“No, no…I’m not… _gay_ …” he said the word quietly and as if it were a secret.

Edward turned around with a buttered piece of bread and he took a bite out of it,

“Huh…” he chewed, “…then why’d you try to kiss me.” He said around his mouth full.

Alfons was flushed again in an instant, if only Edward would stop mentioning it so casually!

“I told you!” he said a little panicked and then pulled the chair out to sit down cause his knees were wobbly, “…it was…a ridiculous thing. I was drunk…” he mumbled as he sat in the chair heavily.

He chanced a glance at Edward who was nodding,

“Oh…okay. That’s fine then…I thought you liked me or something.” He finished off his piece of bread and turned around to butter another.

Alfons felt his tummy explode with butterflies and he was sure he made a small high pitched noise at Edward’s words…those words that screamed HOPE.

He shouldn’t assume he could hope but Edward was being so accepting it was mind numbing.

“I do…” he squeaked.

Edward glanced over his shoulder,

“Yeah I know, but I thought you liked me like…romantically or something. You want some bread, Alfons?” he offered casually as he buttered more bread.

Alfons shifted in his seat as his tummy fluttered horribly and he ran a clammy palm over his face, dragging some of his fringe untidily down into his eyes. By this point he looked like he’d stepped out of a tumble dryer.

“Alfons?” Edward turned around with the butter knife in his left hand and a piece of bread sticking out of his mouth.

If he’d thought the urge to kiss Edward had been strong before, for some ludicrous reason it was stronger now. Probably because he was hoping when he shouldn’t be.

“Ah…no thank you. Some water would be nice if you don’t mind.” He licked his dry lips and pressed his hand onto the table surface, scraping it lightly with his nails, he was sitting at a side angle in the chair facing Edward, his other hand was on his knee, clutching.

“Sure…” Edward mumbled around his bread and picked up a glass from the draining board, he gave it a rinse under the tap and then filled it before turning around and walking over to Alfons, placing it down next to his hand.

Alfons watched him closely, watched his movements so smooth and calm, his hair in its neat ponytail sway as he moved, his artificial hand as it placed the glass down leaving fingerprint-less wet smudges on the glass.

His throat felt like it was going against his will to speak as nervousness crept up his spine **but** Alfons was going to ask, it was now or never.

“Edward…” he said very quietly, stopping Edward from walking away from him.

“Yeah?” he had finished his piece of bread.

Alfons quickly brought the water to his lips, drank two gulps and then looked up at Edward nervously before looking right back down into the remaining water,

“…what if…I do?” he mumbled.

There was a pause and Edward pulled a  chair out next to him and sat down, one arm on the table the other on the back of the chair so he was facing him at a side angle as well, their knees almost touching,

“What if you do, what?”

Staring straight at him like that made Alfons’ throat close up again, so he finished his water and then met Edward’s golden eyes hesitantly, offering a nervous smile,

“What if I liked you…r-r0-romantically…” he stuttered and pursed his lips, staring straight at Edward’s knees after asking the question.

When there was no immediate answer he looked up and found that Edward had leaned his elbow on the table, chin on his fist and was staring at the table.

“Ed?” he said quietly.

Edward looked at him and gave him a sad smile,

“It’s ok if you do, I just don’t want it to interfere with our friendship…ok?” he sighed and dropped his hand back to the table, “…you’re my only friend here and I don’t want to lose that.”

Alfons’ heart beat slowed painfully in his chest hearing those hope squashing words but he had already jumped off the cliff, might as well make use of the fall before he hit the bottom,

“So…you don’t…you could never, feel the same?” he was mumbling again, squeezing his empty glass in his hand on the table and looking at Edward nervously.

Edward looked straight at him for a second and then down at the floor,

“I like you Alfons but I could never like you in that way…you understand right?” he looked up again with a sad hopeful smile.

Alfons nodded quickly despite how dejected he felt all of a sudden and he started babbling,

“Yes of course…you only like girls. That’s completely right and completely normal and I should never have dared to be so forward. I don’t know what I was thinking and I apologize ag-…”

“Alfons.” Edward’s calm voice stopped his ramble but he couldn’t look at Edward this time, instead he stared at the floor, head down dejectedly. He just felt so shitty.

“It’s not that …” that time he sounded awkward, his words made Alfons look up with a frown and they stared at each other.

Edward’s next words after a sigh, spoken as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, inspired only one feeling in Alfons…anger.

“I could never see you like that cause you look like my brother…and that’s just too gross.”

Alfons felt really insulted all of a sudden, his jaw clenched and then his anger spilled out,

“Gross!?” he exclaimed rather loudly, “…you think liking me would be gross!” he was leaning forward slightly.

Edward shook his head and frowned,

 “I didn’t say liking **you** would be gross...” He started calmly.

“You did, you said it would be **too gross** to like me like that!” he insisted.

Edward frowned now, getting annoyed,

“I didn’t mean it, like as in you Alfons, I meant the idea of liking you is gross.” He said surely.

It was just getting worse, Edward was no word smith after all.

Alfons fumed and Edward’s face went from sure to confused,

“Wait, no, that’s not what I meant…” he scratched his head.

“Oh of course, you meant it any way that’s not insulting, I’m so sure you weren’t implying you think I’m **gross** for liking you.” He stood up suddenly and the chair scraped noisily over the floor.

Alfons looked strange when he was angry, it was more like he was pouting or throwing a tantrum instead of glaring and growling like Edward did when he was pissed off, so the shorter blonde wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. If he yelled back he always felt bad because Alfons would get this sad look on his face like he didn’t want to be yelled at…but he really wanted to yell at him right then because he was being so dense.

He stood up when the slightly taller blonde started to leave the kitchen,

“I meant that it’d be too much like…I’m kissing…my brother.” Edward said through clenched teeth, the words leaving his mouth even made him uncomfortable.

The statement didn’t calm Alfons sad-anger, he turned back around where he was almost in the hall and gave Edward a look that he figured was supposed to be scary.

 Ed just stared at him with  light frown.

“I AM NOT YOUR BROTHER, EDWARD!” he yelled loudly and Edward actually grimaced, wondering if Gracia and the two neighbours they had would have heard that.

With an indignant huff from Alfons and no further words from Edward on the subject, Alfons turned on his heel and marched off noisily into the hallway, slamming his bedroom door for added dramatization.

Edward raised his eyebrows, feeling so tired all of a sudden…and very homesick.

He liked Alfons...and he also envied him.

He really wished Alfons could understand. Edward didn't want to be so lonely... but he didn't belong there and that was how it had to be.

This world...was making him forget...and he didn't want to forget.

* * *

Alfons kicked the bottom of his drawers and then shook the unoffending piece of furniture so some of the contents on top shifted but didn’t fall off.

He stood there for a moment, gripping the wood and keeping his head hung.

He sniffled.

He wasn’t going to cry though, not over Edward and his insensitive stupidity. For a man so intelligent he certainly lacked any semblance of tact.

Alfons did know what Edward had meant by his words but he was too annoyed to let it slide.

The word ‘gross’ just rubbed him all kinds of wrong.

And the word ‘Brother’ hadn’t been any less antagonizing.

He knew he was the one who insisted Ed move in with him but he hadn’t wanted that so that the shorter blonde could try and replace him as a brother.

He didn’t even know if that’s what Edward was doing, maybe subconsciously. From the small fragments of information Ed told him about his life it was obvious that the two brothers had grown up mostly just being the two of them, the same way he and Edward were now. 

He didn’t want to **be** Alphonse.

He wasn’t calm, sensitive, a nice guy and rational…not to the extent that Edward described his brother, with that affectionate smile that could warm Alfons’ heart for days.

He may seem like he had his shit together but he was a mess.

He was scared of his own thoughts and feelings most of the time, worried about people’s opinions of him, he held grudges pretty well, he wasn’t a big forgiver and he was judgemental. He was even selfish when it suited him…

…so selfish that he wanted Edward to forget about his brother at least long enough to look at him properly and see that Alfons was standing there…wanting to be acknowledged by him.

Alfons wasn’t some perfect little brother and he didn’t want to be.

He was human and he was okay with that, he had no family and he was okay with that too…and he was just a man with faults and fears and feelings…for another man. 

He knew it was wrong but…

He just wanted Edward to realise he was there…so he could at least stand a chance.

* * *

L.G. fuad -Motion City Soundtrack

Let's get fucked up and die..  
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..  
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..  
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,  
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,  
I've learned to love the lie.  
  
I wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent, not belligerent.  
I wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent and have common sense.. yeah  
Let me in, let me in to the club, 'cause I wanna belong,  
And I need to get strong, and if memory serves,  
I'm addicted to words and they're useless.  
  
(In this department)  
Let's get fucked up and die..  
I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie,  
And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode,  
I'm about to explode.  
I'm a mess, I'm a wreck.  
I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings,  
Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.  
  
I want to thank you for being a part of my the forget-me-nots and marigolds..  
And all the things that don't get old..  
Is it legal to do this? I surely don't know.  
It's the only way I have learned to express myself around other peoples' descriptions of life..  
I'm afraid I'm alone and entirely useless...  
  
(In this department)  
Let's get fucked up and die.  
For the last time I'm feeling  
We'll try not to smile  
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights  
That's no shocking and surprise.  
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end  
But I choose to abuse for the time being,  
Maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.  
  
Sister soldier  
You've been such a positive influence on my mental frame  
If I could ever repay you,   
I would, but I'm hard up for cash  
And my memory lacks initiative.  
  
God damn the liquor stores' closed,  
We were so close to scoring  
It hurts, it destroys til it kills..  
I am tired and hungry and totally useless.  
(In this department)  
[  
](http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858557939/#eg9i2G4Otgyqgbt1.99)


	10. White Knuckles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make a few references to the first chapter of 'Skin Ticket' (RoyxEd) since that was written from the perspective of both the first anime and brotherhood.
> 
> Title Of Chapter: Band - OKGo   
>  Song - White Knuckles  
>  (Lyrics at the end of the chapter) I do not own this song.

Another week went by of their previously found routine.

Their shared dinners were quieter though, more than usual since Edward usually never had an empty mouth long enough to really talk anyway.

Alfons hated the tension, he hadn’t wanted to jeopardise the strange friendship he’d formed with Edward.

But he’d been so stupid and started drunken arguments.

Stupid arguments that led to him doing a very stupid thing.

He’d spent every day that week that wasn’t focussed on the building of the new rocket prototype, thinking about what he’d done and how reckless it had been. Edward could have reacted very badly. He wondered what Edward thought of him for his actions.

He hoped he didn’t **really** think that Alfons was gross.

Somehow the idea of Edward being repulsed by him was far more upsetting than anything he had to compare the insult to.

Even if it hadn’t really been an insult…everything Edward said lately, good or bad, affected him weightily.

He knew he was starting to let his feelings for Edward take control, he didn’t even know he’d developed feelings until it was too late and he’d become sad, jealous and started feeling more ignored than usual. Which led to drinking to drown his unjustified sorrows and in turn led to a confrontation with Edward he would rather have never happened.

He’d gone over their conversation from that night in his mind a lot as well, Edward had been as vague as usual right up until the point where he said he couldn’t think of kissing Alfons because he looked too much like his brother.

Alfons had stared at himself in the mirror one of the week nights passed, trying to find a resemblance to Edward but there was nothing. Maybe if he squinted?

He knew if he  could at least see a resemblance in himself and Edward then he could make himself feel less like a pathetic idiot and be able to say ‘I understand’ when faced with rejection. But since he didn’t think he looked like Edward at all…he couldn’t convince himself Edward’s reasons for rejection weren’t just because he didn’t like him.

He just wasn’t convinced he looked so much like a 15 year old boy that was probably lying in a hospital somewhere…probably…that vague information also made him wonder if Edward was lying about his brother…or something.

Or something…he hoped that was it, he really didn’t want to think Edward was a liar.

It was an unpleasant way to pass his week but then Thursday came with great news and it brought a beaming smile to Alfons’ face right through the day, even as he walked back home to the quiet apartment where Edward wouldn’t meet his eyes and avoid conversation, he wasn’t put out.

There had to be a silver lining right?

He greeted Gracia on his way upstairs, she smiled brightly and ran after him, giving him a plastic container with a half dozen fresh muffins still steaming inside. She always did bake in her free time and since she was one of the people around who wasn’t in financial dire straits, Alfons took what was offered with a thanks, a smile and a promise to return her Tupperware.

He climbed the stairs and a chilly breeze followed him from the over cast afternoon weather that threatened a dreary rainy evening, but with hot muffins and good news, Alfons was still very pleased.

He entered the apartment with a smile, tossing his square leather bag on the floor while he stepped out of his scuffed black loafers and as he entered the kitchen he spotted Edward coming out of the den.

“Hello Edward!” he greeted  with a grin and placed the muffin container down on the table, “Gracia has sent us some muffins she just baked, they’re still warm.” He peeled back the lid and the steam wafted out.

Edward reached the table as the steam rose out and he smiled, it reminded him of Gracia…his worlds Gracia. She always did love spending her time cooking and baking, she’d once said to him that it was her hobby.

Alfons took a moment to look over the affectionate sad smile on Edward’s face, it wasn’t nearly as glorious or shimmery as when Edward thought of his –amazingly unparalleled incomparable younger brother Alphonse- but it was still a pretty sweet a smile.

Alfons was not bitter about Alphonse…he really wasn’t.

He was however melting once again seeing that smile and being as terribly giddy as he was he reached out and pinched Edward’s cheek,

“That smile is adorable, perhaps you should do that next time you see Miss Gracia instead of frowning at her like she’s offensive.” He had moved on to make some cheap instant coffee for them, switching on the burner.

Edward hadn’t moved…his cheek had been pinched and his face was red and,

“What the hell was with the pinching…thing…?” he rubbed at the spot making it redder than it was to begin with.

Alfons seemed to have remembered he was wearing his coat still and started to shrug it off as the stove top kettle sat on the small gas fire,

“Ah, Edward it’s been a great day!” he stepped around the question smoothly, proud of himself, “…and it’s all because of you!”

Edward stared.

Alfons was just short of twirling merrily…Edward could feel it.

It didn’t happen but his stomach did a merry twirl when that exultant smile was sent his way and Alfons’ coat was tossed somewhere out of sight in the entrance passage.

He stepped back when Alfons came toward him but he didn’t decide to run in time before he was hugged, arms around his neck and that damn inch taller the fair blonde had on him was irritatingly obvious with his chin pressed into a shoulder.

Edward blinked and tensed in the embrace, Alfons’ smell was unfamiliar…and Ed found he liked it.

It wasn’t the way Alphonse smelled…then again, did he even remember such a thing from when he was ten years old? He barely even remembered the way his mother smelled…

He didn’t realise he was leaning into the hug until Alfons pulled back which made him straighten up and warm hands were on Edward’s T shirt covered shoulders,  
“The university has approved the rocket prototype design! We’ve received proper funding to go ahead and build a fully functional miniature rocket and we’ve been given a deadline because we’re going to be booked for a live demonstration in a few months!!” he explained enthusiastically, his blue eyes twinkling.

He had some hair hanging over his left eye and Edward really wanted to brush it out of the twinkling eyes way. But he didn’t, he just raised his fine blonde eyebrows and blinked a few times and Alfons fingers gripped his shoulders lightly,

“That’s great news.” he said sincerely with a half smile.

Alfons hadn’t really expected Edward to share in his giddiness but truth be told he didn’t give a rat’s ass, he’d just hugged Edward and hadn’t been pushed away!!

His arms had been around deceptively strong shoulders, his cheek brushed against soft rich blonde hair, his nose had taken in the smell of Edward and day worn soap. Warmth had washed over him and butterflies exploded in his tummy when he **felt** Edward lean into his shoulder and exhale a warm breath there.

A day of days.

The kettle whistled so Alfons grudgingly took his hands off of Edward’s slightly tense shoulders and went on to take mugs out for coffee.

“It is…” he picked up the conversation, “…we also get a slight pay raise too…” he trailed off as he stirred the mugs of dark brown liquid, “…I can’t help feel that you should take the credit. They want to patent the rocket design….” He turned around carrying both mugs, the teaspoon had landed with a clink in the sink.

He walked over and held out the black, one sugar mug of coffee and Edward took it with his right hand as he always did because it was hot.

“Use your name…” Edward said surely.

Alfons frowned and sipped his own black coffee –besides Edward hating it, milk was an expensive luxury so they didn’t have any-

“It doesn’t feel right…” he said honestly, his smile still lingered though as he watched the slightly shorter blonde avoid his eyes by staring at the table next to them.

Edward sipped his coffee as he shrugged,

“I really don’t mind, I don’t want the credit…” he sounded nonchalant.

“But you’d be paid…”

“You’ll get paid, it’s mutually beneficial in a way.”

“Edward, the money should be yours entirely and the books should say you-…”

“I don’t want my name documented.” That statement was said with finality and a slight raising of his voice to speak over Alfons’ insistent.

Silence fell and so did Alfons’ smile.

It was an odd thing…to not want to be a part of what would one day become history…for such a reason.

He turned his eyes to the opened container and picked it up, holding it out for Edward to take a muffin, they shared a tense glance and then the tension eased when Edward reached in with his left hand, plucking a warm sticky muffin out between two fingers.

He placed the container down again and picked one up for himself, giving it a squeeze,

“May I ask why?” he said quietly, moving to lean against the table, cup in one hand and muffin raising to his mouth.

He stopped when his eyes fell back on Edward.

The shorter blonde’s muffin was gone.

Alfons blinked…he hadn’t even seen it be eaten, it must have happened so fast. He smiled.

Edward lowered his cup from his lips and shrugged again,

“Because…” _‘I don’t belong here…’_ he thought to himself.

“Ah ah…that’s not a reason.” Alfons teasingly chastised, shaking a finger at Ed as best he could with a muffin in his hand.

Edward –wanted another muffin- so he stepped closer to Alfons all of a sudden then leaned over and Alfons reacted by dropping his muffin at the sudden unexpected proximity. He scrambled to catch it as it rolled on his leaning torso messing his white shirt, at the last second he pressed his other arm to himself to stop its decent and in the process spilled coffee on himself from the quick jerk of his arm.

Hot coffee.

“Ow ow! Shit…shit shit!!” he cussed as the liquid burned him through his shirt and pants.

Edward had backed up wisely when he’d seen the muffin drop –he didn’t miss the look of shock and daze either- so as the mess happened and Alfons reflexively rose his arms after the coffee burned him, Ed caught the muffin in his left hand before it hit the ground.

He watched as Alfons put his sloshing mug of coffee on the table, hissing while pulling his brown stained shirt and thigh of his pants from his stinging flesh.

“You okay?” he asked with a badly concealed smirk when the hissing and grimacing stopped.

Alfons gave him a pouting glare, which was so far from scathing a toothless baby could top it. Edward couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face.

“That was…” Alfons started to mumble.

“Stupid…” Edward said before Alfons could make some random unrelated excuse for his clumsiness, “…it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have stepped into your personal space…” he glanced over the coffee stains.

Alfons wanted to die at those words!!

How could Edward even say that when a few minutes before Alfons was having a butterfly orgasm in his tummy while hugging him?? His thought of the word ‘orgasm’ escalated quickly into a flush on his cheeks and his mouth decided to open for no good reason,

“I don’t mind that…” the words were said with a nervous tone and his ears were burning hot.

He shouldn’t have said that.

But he’d said it.

They’d had this discussion and he didn’t want to be shot down again.

Edward had placed his coffee mug down on the table too and where he stood just over a foot away, he paused and regarded Alfons burning cheeks and badly masked dejected expression closely.

He looked properly, his brow actually coming down a bit but he was glad he did because he was able to once again place the obvious differences in his brother and this man.

Alfons was mostly shy but his expression right then was more of a pained rejection which spoke of his lack of innocence and ability to be scorned deeply.

Alphonse had always looked bright eyed and innocent.

Alfons’ blue eyes were clouded, his face flushed not with embarrassment but from attraction…it was heat that Edward was familiar with, the kind that warmed your face but also your body when you wanted someone.

Alphonse would never have experienced such a thing.

Alfons’ hands shook, he was unconfident…scared of his feelings –Edward could see it.

Alphonse wasn’t capable of being unconfident, even in that suit of armour he’d always sounded sure of himself.

‘… _not my brother…not my Alphonse…’_ Edward thought.

Alfons saw the frown on Edward’s face and his look started to resembled the distant kind he had when he was thinking of his –oh wondrous- younger brother.

Jealousy crept along his spine…it made his hands shake, he shouldn’t feel that way about a friend’s, possibly seriously incapacitated or dead, brother, but he couldn’t help it.

Edward watched Alfons force an expression of irritation off his face, another thing so unlike Alphonse, before he forced a laugh and ran a shaking hand through his hair, cold coffee stains forgotten,

“Sorry about that…” he mumbled unnecessarily.

Edward kept watching, kept noting and memorizing…the line of Alfons eyebrows held more useless worry lines than his brother could build up in a lifetime. Alfons was similar to Alphonse…but he wasn’t identical.

Edward let out a deep sigh and blinked to break his long stare, Alfons stilled at the huff of air.

Edward stared with a light frown at the floor while Alfons rubbed his fingers together, his palms clammy, he mumbled another apology and started busying himself closing up the muffin container and taking the half empty coffee mugs to the sink.

Edward rolled the sticky muffin still in his hand as he ran his thoughts over in his head, reiterating to himself that Alfons was not his brother, this was not his world, these people were not his friends and acquaintances.

They were strangers, different linages, different pasts, cultures, faiths, personalities...worlds different. Sure there were base similarities but  this world’s Gracia’s eyes held a defensive kindness, like everyone here did...not like the real Gracia, who was so genuine it crushed Edward with guilt just to think about how he’d wronged the Hughes family.

He knew his thoughts were beginning to run away, his chest was starting to hurt.

He though back to when he’d first gotten used to Germany and his bastard father had helped him settle in, the old man had said that Edward was better off moving on…this world was not their home and he should except that.

He’d never tried to move on, he didn’t want to be a cop out, he didn’t want to forget Al, Winry, Pinako, teacher…he didn’t even want to forget the bastard Colonel –even if his memories of that man were tainted with some of his less than savoury full filled lusting’s-.

The thought of Roy made his body remember certain things he’d long suppressed and Edward found himself looking at Alfons’ back as he stood washing the cups far longer than was necessary.

Alfons was attractive.

_‘Like Al would be…’_ he shook his head and pressed his teeth together in irritation. He wasn’t supposed to be comparing, he was supposed to be dividing. Differentiating. Reasoning.

He didn’t want to forget his world and moving on was scary…but could he be alone here forever? He couldn’t expect Alfons to hang around because he had a crush on him, eventually Alfons would find someone else to like…Edward himself didn’t like anyone else, not in a friendly way or any other.

He didn’t even want to know anyone else.

And his research into finding a way to activate his alchemy in this world was running into dead end after dead end. The physical laws of this world just flat out rejected the use of energy that wasn’t artificially created and adapted. Electricity could run from a power plant and into a city along miles of cable but he couldn’t get the electricity naturally harboured within himself to react to even a drawn array.

He’d clap his hands and press them to a surface, knowing its composition with ease, or he’d focus on the air around him and would know perfectly how to alter it then he’d begin the calculation to activate it within his genius mind.

But the reaction would literally stop **every time** at his fingertips, the familiar energy coursing through his own body would just burn out before it reached its purpose, unable to pass into the atmosphere around him. It was a stifling feeling and the lack of a way to dissipate the alchemic energy he would build would sometimes leave his nerves tingling uncomfortably for an hour after.

Of course by now he was used to it and barely noticed it.

The burn out itself was like somebody cutting off his air for a split second before he could breathe again and every time it failed it just added to his hopelessness. He missed Alphonse so much too.

Getting back on track, when he thought about it, the only reason he liked Alfons might be because of that damnable resemblance to his brother.

“Arg…” he grumbled and twitched like he was short circuiting, the muffin getting squished in his fingers, ‘ _…stop comparing him to Al, he’s not Alphonse, he’ll never be Alphonse…’_ he told himself sternly.

Alfons was looking at Ed twitching and grumbling over his shoulder and he let go of the extremely clean mug and the soapy sponge to turn around, he walked closer with soap suddy hands,  
“Edward please don’t be angry.” He said hopefully, “I didn’t mean to bring it up again…”

Edward – who had been in rather over analytical thought- stopped twitching and looked at the half annoyed half worried look on the older boy’s face.

He blinked.

It occurred to him very specifically then that Alfons was in fact 19 years old as of a few months ago, from what Edward knew. Alfons was biologically **older** than him.

If all of the physical differences didn’t sum up that he couldn’t possibly be his brother in any way shape or form, then something as significant as being a year and a half older than himself, instead of younger…fortified the reasoning that it would not be…gross…because they were not related even in the slightest way.

Hell, he’d seen that photo in Alfons’ room –that time when he was bored and Alfons wasn’t there so he forwardly went about his bedroom - of his parents and they were not the same as Ed’s.

Edward blinked again slowly and frowned at the worried expression he was receiving from Alfons who was saying something,

“Why are you just staring at me!? I prefer it when you yell!” he shouted, clenching his drying soapy fists.

He was about to complain some more when Edward turned to face him fully and scrunched his face up a bit before breathing out,

“Alfons…” he said evenly but his undertone said he thought whatever he had to say was a bad idea.

Alfons closed his mouth on his third and more aggravated apology in favour of blinking, then he mumbled with a frown,

“Yes?”

Edward averted his gaze for a second before he raised his stunning golden eyes and met the curious blue dead on,

“…kiss me.”

Alfons felt himself involuntarily twitch and feared he might fall over where he stood, he was sure something had sizzled out somewhere in his brain. His eyelids blinked of their own accord and he wheezed out,

“Wha-…w-what?” surely this was just his sexually depraved brain making Edward’s pretty pink lips say things that the shorter blonde would never utter.

But said blonde nodded and allowed free the tortured sticky muffin to sit upon the table top, he glanced at his sticky hand before his eyes set right back on confused blue,

“I want you to kiss me.”

Alfons felt his lips move several times before any words came out,

“Huh…uh, wha…wait, what…why…” Alarms went off suddenly in his head  of _‘WHY AM I ASKING WHY???’_ “Okay.” His brain supplied quickly when it reached the conclusion that questioning such a thing was just **ludicrous**.

This day was quickly turning out to be the best he’d ever had.

This kiss –if this moment was real and he hadn’t passed out on the floor or something – would be the first kiss that was completely wanted out of his natural interest and desires, not forced, secret and sordid.

He felt very tingly all over and nothing had even happened yet.

Edward stared at him and then raised an expectant eyebrow.

Apparently he literally meant Afons should do it,

“Oh…oh of course…sorry…” he mumbled out of habit and wiped his mostly dry hands on his pants as he stepped up to Edward.

His tummy did a light tilt-a-whirl when he was almost standing chest to chest with Edward whose head, with that beautiful hair, eyes, nose, mouth and everything on it – titled ever so slightly back and to the side to accommodate the kiss that was about to ensue.

Oh it would ensue…Alfons would make it ensue.

_‘It’s gonna be a French kiss…I really want it to be a French kiss…’_ he told himself dumbly, closing his eyes and as he leaned in, his stomach tightening with anxiety and his head feeling light....

“Waitwaitwaitwait…” Edward’s false hand was on his mouth and Alfons blinked his eyes open in dazed confusion.

Edward was leaning back looking like he’d just tasted something bad. For a split second Alfons promptly decided he’d kill himself if his breath was bad…but then Edward cleared things up…

…and he felt he’d rather murder the wonderful shorter blonde.

Edward took a small step back,

“Maybe I shouldn’t watch you…coming at me…like that. I mean…its, your face is so…I should just…” he nodded to himself and took his hand away from Alfon’s mouth, “…okay, okay, I’ll close my eyes… or whatever.” He was blushing but still looked like he’d swallowed sand.

Alfons’ enthusiasm almost bottomed out, but because he was so desperate to kiss Edward, it hung on for dear life and clawed its way back up so that he swallowed nervously, ignoring that ‘his face’ made Edward look so unsettled.

He knew it wasn’t as bad as it sounded but damn, couldn’t Edward be a little less of an ass about it?

After some steadying breaths from Edward, while Alfons stared at him stupidly, he nodded again meeting Alfons’ eyes and then closed his golden eyes…he opened them again…then closed them…he sighed and looked as if he might open them again…but then he swallowed, nodded to what he couldn’t see and…

_‘Oh yes, please please…’_ Alfons watched as Edward licked his lips.

He didn’t hesitate, taking the half a step forward to close the new gap and leaning in. His tummy imploded with warmth and tingles as his lips pressed softly but soundly to Edward’s…for all of a second before Ed pulled back and cracked his eyes open.

“Edwaaaaaaard…” Alfons whined as Ed back stepped and he stepped forward, wanting those lips again.

After two steps in the small kitchen Edward’s back touched the wall at the corner of the entrance passage and kitchen and the taller blonde pressed his hands rather casually either side of Edward’s head. Alfons licked over the very slight moisture that Ed’s lips had left on his own and his mind told him he wanted more.

Edward frowned as his eyes darted to the arms either side of his head,

“Maybe this was a bad id-…”

“No no no…” Alfons said quietly while shaking his head and the part of him that wanted to, needed to and knew how to kiss guided him forward so he was almost pressed against Edward’s lean body, “…just let me kiss you, it’ll be fine.” He sounded a far cry from his nervous self.

Edward heard it and his insides warmed at the simple, sure ease of the words breathed against his lips in a low voice. He closed his eyes when Alfons’ lips touched his again.

He’d been fighting a gag reflex that first time, the second time it was just a little unpleasant twist of his stomach, this time he was tense and his insides felt rattled and bothered by the mental image of kissing his younger brother.

He forced his unease down, he was still nauseous but he made himself focus on what was here before him and he knew –with all of his logic- that it was not Alphonse Elric.

The sealed lips were warm and firm against his own, the scent of the body –radiating heat- almost flush against his own was a mixture of very faint lemon beneath a stronger scent of warehouse dust, ink and mechanical grease.

The last one was comfortingly familiar.

He felt hands take up the sides of his face, cool slightly rough, slender fingers were brushing over his hot ears. Thumbs brushed his cheek and chin right when the lips moved, closed against his own but from another slightly slanted angle so that Edward distinctly felt the soft shape of a bottom lip press between his own sealed lips.

There was a small flutter of heat in his chest, it felt nice to have lips against his own, he’d last had that during some distant shameful memory.

This felt better. It felt cleaner. Warmer. Sweeter.

He puckered his lips just slightly into the kiss and heard a small very tiny breathless noise from the person kissing him.

_‘Right…Alfons is kissing me…’_ his genius brain reminded him.

His insides had settled a bit but when Alphonse’s face pitched in his mind again, it did a back flip and he clenched his fists at his sides.

He forced himself to stay put, he had to face the reality that Alfons was not his brother, he owed the older boy that much. The image of his brother lingered briefly before Edward channelled in the features of bright blue eyes, the sound of a heavy German accent that made Alfons sound so surly when he said certain words.

Edward was calming slightly, puckering his lips along with each warm kissing motion offered, he’d even acknowledged the sound of the slight kisses in the ringing silence of the kitchen around them.

But then he felt the wetness of a tongue slide along his bottom lip and over the seam of his closed lips…

…usually this would bring about a fair amount more arousal and he’d welcome the taste of a person he was allowing to kiss him…usually…

In this case however right when that tongue wet his lips again and he felt hips –and something more obvious- press ever so slightly against his own, Alfons face in his mind started to distort because his concentration wavered and when he opened his eyes in a quick moment and the person kissing him resembled so closely –even if only in some ways- his younger brother, Edward felt his stomach churn.

Alfons was brought out of the bit of heaven he was in when Edward’s very strong hands forced him backward, but didn’t shove him away because Edward’s fingers curled into his collar and held him at arm’s length.

He blinked at Edward’s mostly colourless face, except for some lingering pinkness in his cheeks and his wet lips. Alfons’ shoulders slumped but he didn’t move, he watched Edward swallow several times, obviously trying to keep his nausea in check.

Again he knew it wasn’t because of him, not really, but it still hurt and his blue eyes reflected that.

He didn’t care that he was flush, that his breathing was light, that his expression was needy or that he’d gotten hard from just _barely_ kissing Edward, he stood there and stared, Edward’s eyes were on his chest.

After a moment he reached up and held Edward’s wrists,

“Edward, let go…” he mumbled, the mismatched holds on his collar were tight.

Finally Edward raised his eyes and looked into the hurt, tired blue eyes of his kisser…Alfons Heidrich.

Edward knew he’d fucked up.

He always fucked.

_‘I shouldn’t have suggested this, I should have known I would hurt him…’_ he felt guilty, but then again, he always felt guilty, that feeling was run of the mill for him.

“I fucked up…” he mumbled and frowned at Alfons.

He just half rolled his eyes, not playfully but truly upset and tugged on Edward’s wrists so his hands let go of the fabric.

He didn’t say anything and turned to leave but Edward grabbed his forearms stopping him, Alfons looked far more irritated now, he really wanted to go to the bathroom or his room and deal with his feelings alone.

Edward didn’t say anything, he was still nauseous but it was fading and he wanted everything between him and Alfons to be fine, this was a good day for Alfons after all, he didn’t want to ruin it.

He stepped forward to close the gap and slipped his arms around Alfons’ neck, their faces were close and he saw the confusion in his blue eyes, so he smiled…it was an unusual smile, one Edward almost never used.

A shy smile.

Then he turned his face and pressed it into Alfons neck, forcing himself to place a chaste kiss to the pulse under his lips and after a beat he felt arms encircle his body, and warm hands ran over his back, the arms tightened bringing them closer and flush against each other.

Edward took a calming breath.

He felt Alfons press a smile to his own neck and his guilt eased if only slightly.

No one **ever** hugged him like this, he would never allow such a ridiculous thing from anyone…except Al maybe.

He couldn’t help think of hugging Al again someday but the thought was brief.

He was letting Alfons hold him now…because he was going to move on and letting someone in was the first step. It would never be normal, it would never be natural, Edward wasn’t complete, not literally or metaphorically and Alfons would always be never quite real in some way…but they could embrace.

And maybe at some point in the future, they could kiss and Edward would feel okay about it.

It wasn’t wrong.

He wasn’t walking the line of sin again.

He really hoped not.

Because being held was comforting and when he licked his lips he tasted Alfons and it wasn’t bad at all.

And Alfons was hugging him so tightly he felt like he was an actual person again…not like he was just unstable hastily formed atomic matter that was just waiting to break apart into molecules before the Truth ripped him apart again.

Maybe, just maybe…until he found a way back, he could actually try to belong.

He could only hope Al would forgive him…for trying to find contentment when he didn’t deserve it.

He blinked away the train of thought before it became too unpleasant and focused on the person holding him, he felt stupid like that after a while…but it wasn’t so bad.

“Are you okay?” Alfons mumbled into his neck, “…not that I’m complaining…” he added quickly then continued, “…I just didn’t think you were a hugger.” He ran his hands along the ridges of Edward’s spine beneath his thin shirt.

He heard a sigh,

“I’m not a hugger…but until I can find the stomach to kiss you again…hugs are all you’re getting.” He mumbled back and lightly patted the shoulder under his right hand.

Alfons flushed with embarrassment and he frowned…but he didn’t let go and his lips twitched into a smile,

“I’ll take it…” he mumbled back.

Edward laughed very quietly,  
“…you should probably let go right now though.” He sounded amused.

“And why is that…?” Alfons wanted to know because he was rather comfortable as he was.

Edward sighed like he had resigned himself to something right before he spoke,

“Because you need to…uh…take a cold bath…”

Alfons all but threw himself off of Edward burning bright like a red Christmas light,

“Edward!!!” he yelled in shock and…well, shock, before he rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door.

Alfons had been **very** comfortable indeed, he’d completely forgotten about his bodies appreciation for Edward’s lips –right around the moment where he was kissed on the neck.

Edward figured he’d be in there a while.

He swallowed again, the last of his nausea had mostly gone and he just felt a little anxious now. He ran his right hand over his pony tail to straighten it out and then focused on the coffee puddle on the floor, the sticky muffin on the table and his muffin sticky left hand.

He set about cleaning up the mess quietly…he didn’t know where things would go from there…he just hoped Alfons wouldn’t get hurt because of him.

Like everyone always did.

* * *

  
**"White Knuckles" By OKGo**

You'll never get that taste, out of your mouth  
You'll never get the paw prints, out of the hen house now  
And you can't go back, same way you came  
Round all the pieces up, but they just dont fit the same

White knuckles  
Maybe it's not so bad  
So let your hair down now

White knuckles  
Yeah maybe it's not so bad  
Aww go ahead and let it down

So come and let it all out, let it bleed  
Did you get what you want? Did you get what you need?  
Behind the lines, behind the walls  
Tell me what's the bet you made, was it that bad after all?

White knuckles  
Yeah maybe it's not so bad  
So let your hair down now

White knuckles  
Aww maybe it's not so bad  
Just let it all come down now

So just have fun, it's far enough  
Everybody needs to sleep at night, everybody needs a crutch  
But couldn't good, be good enough?  
Cause nothin' ever doesn't change but nothin' changes much

Yeah, maybe it's not so bad  
So let your hair down now  
White knuckles

Aww maybe it's not so bad  
Just let it all come down now

Yeah maybe it's not so bad  
Just let your hair come down now

Oh maybe it's not so bad  
Just let it all come down


	11. Nice Guys Finish Last

**Nice Guys Finish Last**

* * *

The sun seemed to shine awfully bright in the sky from that Friday morning onward, even when it was cloudy, Alfons felt like his days were warm. It was all gushy and silly smiles and he knew he was pathetic for being so completely infatuated with Edward Elric.

But he was a silly man and he didn’t mind.

He didn’t mind because Edward humoured him with a smile in the mornings that said ‘things are a little different now aren’t they’ and he’d look a little smug or a little cheeky and sometimes –perhaps he imagined it- but Edward’s smile would even seem suggestive.

In the afternoons Edward would smile as well and they’d talk, instead of just greeting each other blandly.

There were fewer tense and awkward silences, fewer moments where Alfons would stare and then have to look away before Ed saw him…it was different.

Then again…Edward didn’t allow any physical contact…not even a hug.

Well, he supposed it wasn’t all Edward’s fault, he hadn’t exactly tried to hug him or anything but that was because Ed was pretty intimidating and reproachful of people entering his personal space on his best day.

But things were different now…

Alfons found himself wondering –about a week and half later- why he hadn’t attempted to get another hug. Edward had said he’d get hugs...

He pouted and bit the back of the pen in his hand.

“Alfons?”

He blinked and looked at one of his colleagues carrying a greasy oiled metal panel for the rocket they were building as he stood beside him.

Alfons was sitting at the blue print tables, he had some grease smudged over his cheek and his shirt stuck to his slightly sweaty body as everyone hustled around him.

They’d hired a few more people in the past week to help build.

They had already put together the actual test rocket for the demonstration and since they had a little extra in the budget they’d started working on a slightly larger model, after all  things were looking pretty positive lately. Coming in under budget alone had been great.

“Hm?” he brushed some of his slightly longer front hair from his face, he needed a haircut.

“We need to know where exactly you want this?”

He blinked and glanced around for the other three machinists that he should have been able to ask for direction and saw all three of his familiar friends missing.

“They went to lunch…” the guy said as an explanation.

Nodding in realisation that he would have to leave his thoughts of Edward, he stood up from the stool and waved for the guy to follow him.

He smiled when he reached the man sized rocket but he wasn’t smiling at it, he was thinking of Edward.

Edward had made his dreams…almost completely…come true.

* * *

That later afternoon when Alfons returned home he was a little disappointed to find he was alone, the door was locked and so once he was inside he didn’t even look for Edward, that always meant he wasn’t there.

As he moved around the small flat, removing his coat, white work shirt and shoes, putting his work sheets and tools onto his desk from his bag, shifting quietly around the kitchen trying to think of whether he should start making the food in time for Edward or have a bath first, his thoughts constantly drifted to where Edward was, what was he doing.

With a sigh he closed the small grocery cabinet and walked around the table into the hall toward the bathroom, he closed the door behind him and pulled his white vest over his head. He always felt kind of alone on the days Edward wasn’t home, it was odd since he’d always been alone, even when he’d had a different room mate.

But then again, Alfons had feelings for Edward he’d never had for anyone and they made Ed’s presence so much more important.

He started running the water as he stripped down and tossed his clothes into the washing basket, two minutes later he switched the noisy taps off and stepped in, the silence settled around him as he lay back, sliding lazily down the back rest of the bath, his long legs bending higher the lower he went until from the rim of the bath all that was visible was knees and the very tips of his wheat blonde hair.

He sighed as the steam rose around and he smiled to himself, he really did like Edward.

He had been thinking about that kiss every chance he got when things wouldn’t get too embarrassing if his body reacted, which it did often.

He wasn’t hormonally spurred on but he liked Edward so much and got no relief for it and that drove him crazy.

Thinking of that at the moment Alfons raised an eyebrow, he was alone right then and Edward wasn’t even in the flat. He’d been telling himself all along that doing anything about his sexual frustration for Edward was wrong…but that had been before Edward gave him hope.

The kiss hadn’t even gone passed just their lips yet it had spun Alfons dizzy with need and Edward had played it off so casually…leaving Alfons wondering if it’d be different if they ever reached a point where Edward got turned on too.

The first tendrils of arousal slipped along his skin and his body warmed in a different manner than the hot water lapping at his pale skin, he had been looking at the plain white ceiling but he dropped his eyes to inbetween his parted legs, each leaning against the sides of the white tub.

 _‘It’s not all that wrong…’_ he lied to himself, the religious part of himself always reared its illogical head at times like this and yet sometimes it could be damned, like when Edward had let him kiss him…at that moment god himself probably couldn’t have stopped him from tasting those lips.

This was lust in its purest form…but when Alfons thought of Edward’s smile, it proved itself to be attraction and emotional feelings in the purest form too.

 _‘I’m a scientist…I should have gotten over that by now…’_ he took a deep breath, leaning his head back and closing his eyes as he took his semi erect length into his hand. Alfons started with rubbing himself lightly at the base and along the sensitive underside, letting the touches get him started.

Heat pooled low in his stomach and he remembered Edward’s lips, soft and dry, lightly puckering to meet his own, tasting like sugar and strong coffee.

He wrapped his hand around himself, his palm was wet and warm, his fingers the same and his first few strokes were moderately slick but also had enough texture to provide roughness.

He made a small pleasured sound in the back of his throat and again his mind provided the image of Edward shirtless sometime back, sweat sheened and his body built to perfection. Slowly the images merged and in his mind he was kissing a shirtless, sweating, panting erotically and completely willing Edward.

His lips parted and he let out a breath as he started to jerk himself off faster and firmer, his erection at full size now and throbbing heatedly.

He could almost feel Edward’s skin under his hands as he imagined himself running them down his back, smooth, muscled and untimely leading his hands to the rise of his taut ass. He knew Edward’s ass would be perfect and firm.

Edward was completely naked all of a sudden in his minds eye and Alfons thrust up into his slick hand a few times at the vision, making a low noise from his open mouth, his eyes still closed and his rhythm steady.

His mind provided for him what he hadn’t actually seen and in no time Edward was on his back, there was a bed and Alfons’ mouth was all over his skin, his neck, his chest, his nipples, between his thighs and lower.

Alfons was making steady but low moaning breaths now and in his mind so was Edward.

In his fantastic imagination Edward – being the fit person he was- flipped them over and Alfons saw his golden eyes look over him lustfully before Edward slid down his body.

Alfons made long tight strokes over his throbbing length and rubbed his thumb over the sticky head, his other hand moving beneath his length to rub at his balls right when he imagined Edward’s mouth sliding down around his cock.

Hot and wet, just like his hand.

He came quickly with a quiet groan, his body stiffening as his muscles tensed beneath his pale skin, pleasure working its way all through his extremities in fluctuations of warm and hot.

He lay there breathing deeply for a minute, flushed red, the steam rising around him making his body feel far too warm.

He finally moved after some time, sitting up properly, the water swishing around as the mess he’d made swirled around with it. He grimaced, now that it was over and he’d enjoyed it, he felt bad.

That was Edward’s pretty mouth he’d pictured doing that to him and while he **really** wouldn’t mind it happening for real…he still had to look at Edward all the time without knowing if it ever would.

But he didn’t bother to over think it, what was done was done and he honestly felt better, that was weeks’ worth of tension drained from his body in just over a minute.

He pouted to himself as he pulled the plug out so the water could drain, a minute was pretty pathetic, if he had any intention of impressing Edward in bed –should he be so lucky- he’d have to work on his ability to hold out.

With a tiny guilty smile that no one could see, Alfons was pleased because that meant he could jerk off more often to his fantasies of Edward and feel like he was doing it for the other blonde…not just for himself.

He waited for the water to drain, put the plug back in and refilled some water, realising he probably should do this before a bath in future or the water bill would become a problem.

When he switched the water off, he grabbed the bar of soap off the holder built into the wall and began washing himself, after about ten minutes when he was just about to lay back in the tub and rinse the conditioner off his hair he heard a noise outside in the apartment…which was promptly confirmed as something when the front door was slammed shut.

Wondering what could have got Edward upset, he quickly rinsed off his hair and then got out of the tub, letting the water out and deciding he’d come back to wash the tub down after he found out if Edward was okay.

He just wanted to see Edward actually.

He grabbed a towel, leaving a wet foot trail across the off white tile, he wrapped it around his waist just above his navel and left the bathroom,

“Ed?” he said as he walked into the kitchen to glance at Edward’s bedroom door.

It wasn’t completely closed so Alfons brushed his wet hair back absently and walked up to the door, pushing it open slowly,

“Edward?” he frowned.

Edward was sitting in a slouch beside his bed with his back to the iron frame side, head down and face hidden by his long bangs, his legs out in front of him in what Alfons decided looked like tired defeat. He was still fully dressed, his coat and shoes on and his hair in its usual ponytail, looking a little wind tousled which the early evening winds would have done.

There was a rumble of thunder outside and that confirmed it would be raining later that night.

The peculiar thing about Edward right then –besides him sitting dejectedly by his bed- was that his gloved hands were pressed together and raised so they were just in front of his chest, which was rising and falling as if he were breathing heavily.

Alfons blinked a few times as he looked the scene over again before he pushed the door open enough for him to step inside easily,

“Are you…praying?” he asked quietly, in case he was interrupting.

Even though Edward had said he was an Atheist, Alfons wouldn’t judge, he sometimes prayed too.

He was more confused when Ed’s shoulders shook and a small laughing sound filled the space between them before he sighed loudly and parted his hands, moving to stand up with the bed to help him,

“Don’t be stupid.” He mumbled.

Alfons frowned,

“It looked like it…that’s not exactly a widely used hand position. It’s how people pray.” He defended himself.

Edward moved his hair away from his face, he looked angry and once he was standing up Alfons spotted a sheet of paper on the floor which he hadn’t been able to see before since Edward’s person had been blocking it.

 _‘A letter?’_ he wondered, thinking maybe Edward had received bad news or something. Then again, it looked more like a drawing…of a circle…or something.

He didn’t know so he overlooked it,

“Is everything okay?” he asked his original question.

He saw Edward frown at him and his golden eyes did a quick sweep over the length of his body,

“Were you planning to seduce me looking like that…?”

Alfons blinked in confusion before he remembered he was only in a towel, suddenly the water droplets running down his spine from his hair seemed much more noticeable,

“Uh…” he frowned and turned more than a little red, “…no, no don’t be…” he blinked again and the naughtier side of his brain over rode the polite side, “…would that work?”

Edward gave him a somewhat mocking grin,

“No…with the mood I’m in it wouldn’t end well for you if you tried anything right now.” He said pretty straight forward.

Alfons didn’t know whether to be angry that Edward was threatening him or to be grateful for the warning so instead he shook his head,

“Well, anyway…no, I was in the bath and I heard you slam the door. I was just concerned.”

“Oh, you’re the nicest fucking guy.” Edward said sarcastically as he pulled his coat off roughly.

Now Alfons did get upset,

“It’s fine if you’re in a bad mood, but you don’t have to take it out on me.” He complained quietly, placing his arms across his bare chest.

“Hey, you came in here, I didn’t come looking to bother you.” Edward’s tone was something Alfons was unfamiliar with, it sounded like he was teetering on the edge of some sort of forcefully concealed anger.

He’d seen Edward yell before back in university, but it was usually just for no reason or because someone said something that Edward took the wrong way, this was different. It was more intimidating than usual.

He sighed,

“I…I didn’t mean to bother you Edward.” He lowered his eyes from Edward who seemed uninterested in his presence and had continued to strip down until he was shirtless and was now working on his belt, “…sorry.” Alfons turned and stepped out of the room, before he could close the door Edward’s prosthetic hand stopped it and he let the handle go and turned around.

Ed opened it again and leaned against the door with his prosthetic arm up, he frowned at Alfons,

“You didn’t do anything wrong…I’m just…pissed off, okay.” He didn’t sound any less pissed off.

Standing there like that, Alfons felt self-conscious…Edward was really impressively built, any little movement he made caused the muscles beneath his fair skin to tense and shift whereas Alfons had the bare minimum of muscles for a guy his age.

“Okay…is it anything you want to talk about?” he tried to keep himself from perving lest he get worked up wearing a towel that would not hide any sort of tenting whatsoever.

Edward seemed to seriously consider it, never once did his eyes wonder over Alfons and felt a little sad for that but then again, they’d only barely kissed and they’d made no more leaps and bounds since the way that ended, he shouldn’t Edward to be checking him out.

“It’s just…I hit another dead end in my research…that’s all.” He grumbled and ran his flesh hand over his right shoulder beside the hard plastic cover concealing his port as he brought his arm down from the door.

Alfons swallowed slowly, trying to ignore the fact that he could smell Edward’s fading deodorant and his day worn skin, mixing together muskily and making Alfons stomach flutter, coupled with the way his abs and bicep tensed every time he squeezed the muscles at his shoulder…he would need to excuse himself if he didn’t stop staring.

“O—oh…well…um…that’s really un-unfortunate…” he swallowed again.

Edward paused in rubbing his shoulder and tipped his head slightly to the side,

“Are you getting turned on by this?” he said in his usual candid way.

Alfons turned beat red and glared at Edward,

“Must you say things like that?” he said irritably, not answering the question.

Edward raised his eyebrows, some of the angry tension leaving his face,

“Alfons, you like me right, I assume that means you probably want more than a few awkward kisses every once in a while from me…it’s a bit redundant to be shy about nudity.” He said matter of factly.

It occurred to Alfons that it sounded like Edward had been thinking about their situation, as it was he maintained eye contact more often and made more effort to talk to Alfons…so maybe there was progress after all…on Ed’s quiet secretive side.

The shorter blonde was looking at him expectantly as he started rubbing his shoulder again, occasional twitches of his mouth giving away the ache of the tense knots he was working out.

“All the same…” he said very quietly wishing his face would cool down, no doubt his chest was even a little red, “…I’m not used to this.”

Edward blinked,

“What is _this?_ ”

Alfons brushed his wet hair back again, it wasn’t drying too quickly,

“Living in close quarters with someone…I…like…in that…way.” He was whispering very softly.

“The walls aren’t that thin, you don’t have to whisper so quietly…” Edward dead panned before turning around and going back into his room, leaving the door open.

Deciding to be a little bold he walked into the room again,

“You don’t seem to be affected at all, are you used to living domestically with someone?” he was curious.

He saw Ed’s shoulders tense again as he stood up from picking up the conspicuous paper from the floor, then he turned around,

“Living with **you** …is hard. But not because you want to get into my pants…bec…-”

“Edward!” Alfons cut him off when he yelled.

Edward raised his eyebrows at the outburst.

Alfons ignored the dull reaction,

“How can you just say things like that!? Don’t you have any tact at all, it’s so rude!” he hadn’t shouted quite as loud but he was no longer whispering.

Edward looked pissed off again in an instant,

“So what if I don’t have any tact or whatever, that shit never did me any good. The only thing people understand is getting the shit beat out of them. **And anyway**...” he said loudly, “… **not** saying it tactfully doesn’t mean what I said isn’t **true**.”

Alfons felt anger rise in him, it was unusual, Edward was the only person who actually made him that angry,

“It is **NOT** true…” he declared, even if he wasn’t sure of that, “…I don’t just want to…to…arg…” he blushed and walked out, slamming Edward’s bedroom door.

It wasn’t true! Not entirely, sure, he did want to get into Ed’s pants but he also wanted more than that.

He wouldn’t complain in whatever order it might happen but he knew it wasn’t just about sex for him.

In the beginning it had been but once he’d started living with and getting to know Edward things had changed, his feelings had changed.

He stopped pacing outside of Edward’s door and then opened the door again and walked in, opening his mouth to continue their argument but he nearly choked since Edward was standing in his boxers and looking through his clothes drawers.

Edward blinked at him and considering how blatantly Alfons was looking him over, he turned a little red as well. Edward sighed stiffly and turned around to face Alfons, he raised his arms,

“I give you permission to try and seduce me.”

After everything Edward had said and how angry and now flustered he was, Alfons gaped and didn’t say anything, he just stared, he didn’t think it was possible for him to move forward.

Edward seemed amused,

“That’s what I thought…Alfons, have you ever been with a guy?”

Alfons blinked dazedly,

“Why?” he almost slurred out as he cocked his head to the side to stare numbly at Edward.

“Because, whenever you see me with any of my clothes missing you act like you’ve never seen another guy naked before.” Edward gave him an exasperated look.

“I…” Alfons swallowed and then ignored the question, “…did you mean what you said just now?” his eyes darkened.

Edward looked a little sheepish,

“No…I was just testing my theory.”

“You. Are. An. Asshole.” He said with a pointed finger for each word, then he walked out again and this time walked away back to the hall, passing by his mostly dried foot prints and heading to his room.

“Hey, you didn’t answer my question?” Edward sounded like he was yelling from his door.

“It’s none of your business!!!” Alfons reached his door.

“That sounds like a ‘no’.” Edward sounded far too amused.

“Shutup!” Alfons walked into his room and slammed his door.

He breathed heavily, he didn’t understand how they’d ended up yelling or why he felt so angry but it just made him angrier, Edward was so callous.

Narrowing his eyes as he tried to calm down, he finally moved to get some clothes on.


	12. A thrill that'll maybe kill ya...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter :\

Ten minutes later he was banging dishes around in the kitchen still upset, he didn't like how Edward wouldn't allow him any contact or hope but saw fit to tease him.

Said blonde emerged from his room just then and Alfons didn't bother to turn around, he just continued putting the stuff he'd used to add to the stew cooking on the burner back into the cupboards.

The silence was annoying him further, he knew Edward was sitting at the table behind him because he'd heard the chair scrape against the floor.

He was in the middle of stirring a few minutes later when he sighed heavily and decided to get his anger out,

"I have been with men before, I'm not some clueless virgin…the difference Edward…" he heard the irritation laced into his voice, his words sounding heavy and angrier in the brusque language, "…is that I like you, I have feelings for you, that is what makes me act differently, because I feel self-conscious around you, which is apparently useless because your just a jerk who sees fit to tease me for something I feel…just because you have too many personal problems!" his voice had become downright aggressive toward the end.

The silence settled again after that and he switched the burner off, wondering now if Edward was even in the room or if he'd just assumed wrong. When he turned around with the pot held by the handles with a dishcloth, he saw that Edward was in fact sitting there and looking at him like he'd very much like to knock his teeth out.

Deciding now that he'd just said what he wanted, there was no point in acting scared, if Edward was going to punch him or something, then so be it, he placed the pot on the wooden table harder than necessary and then forced himself to walk around –on the side of the table Edward was- to get to the dish cabinet on the wall there.

He was nervous now, he expected some sort of violence but by the time he'd grabbed two bowls and glasses, Edward hadn't moved and his eyes were now on the table.

It was only once he'd dished the food into the bowls that Edward stood up and walked away, into his room and he slammed the door. Alfons stared wide eyed at the door, hand poised over the bowl after emptying the dishing spoons contents.

He placed the stuff he held down slowly and clenched his fists, forcing himself to channel his anger into courage…enough to go in there after Edward, to tell him off for being rude because Alfons had made dinner for them after all that and now he was going to behave like a child.

After a few quick breaths he did, he walked over to the door and just opened it, Edward was sitting on his bed and he looked up at Alfons…angrily.

He felt a little less sure of himself now.

"Did you forget how to fucking knock?" Edward said in a low voice.

"Did your mother ever teach you manners?" he said defensively.

"Say that again." Edward warned.

"What? That you have no manners?" he shot back, even though he nearly ran out of the room the moment Edward stood up.

"Don't ever say  **anything**  about my mother." He warned again.

"Your right, I shouldn't blame her,  **your**  lack of manners if probably just because you're some kind of a Neanderthal." He quipped, his mouth seemed to be betraying his survival instinct.

"…" Edward stared at him.

"…" Alfons stared back.

"What do you want?" Ed sounded like he'd taken the moment to reign in his anger.

"I... _would like_  for you to eat dinner with me." He also calmed himself down, he asked nicely.

Edward didn't respond to that but instead changed the subject,

"Why do you even like me Alfons, you just said that I'm a jerk and I'm not all that nice to you…"

He took a moment to think of a rational way to answer that and finally he found one,

"Why don't you want me to like you…? I thought…" he paused and walked closer just a bit through the door, "…I thought we'd moved past the fact that I remind you of your brother and that you were willing to try this out and for the past week or so, you've been fine…then today you come back angry and…you take it out me…like your trying to push me away all over again." He was speaking calmly but seriously.

Edward took a moment before he answered with a sad frown on his face, he stood up,

"My research is important to me…but…I'm not making any progress. It upsets me…makes me feel…stuck."

Alfons didn't completely understand what he meant by that but he figured if he knew what the research was he might know,

"I can help, I may have majored in rocket science but I did study some other forms of science and advanced physics as well…maybe it'll take all the pressure off of you or maybe give you some fresh ideas…that's what fellow scientists are for…and friends…and…lovers…who might be scientists." He added the last bit with a silly smile.

Edward looked at him, golden eyes no longer angry,

"I can't really talk about it…" he gave Alfons a look that said many things but none he could understand.

He frowned lightly,

"Well, the point is, I'm not trying to make anything harder on you…and I can be here for you, if you let me, even if not as a fellow scientist…as a friend."

Something about the discomfort of Ed's face told him that the other wasn't used to relying on anyone else but he didn't amend his words, he meant what he'd said.

Edward nodded after a moment,

"Yeah I get that…"

There was a moment were Alfons fidgeted and watched Edward stare at the curtains drawn over the window, the rain fell steadily, a dull hum around them, then Ed smiled slightly,

"You know…when you're angry…and you talk like you did earlier in the kitchen…" he paused, Alfons winced inwardly since he figured he was going to have to apologize or something, "…you sound so…intense, your accent when you're like that…that natural German accent…it's kind of sexy."

Alfons felt like he was on cloud nine for a second, that was a compliment…from Edward and it included the word sexy. He commanded himself to play it cool which surprisingly happened more naturally than he'd planned,

"I'll yell at you more often then…maybe I can seduce you that way." He joked and managed a teasing smirk, not really knowing how awfully cute he looked like that.

Edward smiled and laughed quietly, looking at Alfons for a moment before his close lipped smile parted and for once, he smiled at Alfons with some of his teeth.

Alfons's stomach exploded with butterflies, Edward was a stunning sight when he smiled like that, he found it in himself to ask before the ease between them was gone again,

"Can I get a hug…?" he asked casually and flicked his eyebrows up with the question.

This amused Edward a little more and the smile lingered…and he walked over.

Alfons smiled contentedly, they hugged easily, Edward's arms slipped around his upper body beneath his arms and even though Alfons was only just taller, his shoulders were slightly broader and putting his arms around Ed's shoulders was comfortable and natural. He held tight and he allowed himself to very subtly smell Edward's hair, the soft hair tickled his face and he hummed very quietly,

"I really like you Edward…I don't just want to…get into your pants…" he mumbled unintentionally near Edward's ear, "…I hope you'll come to like me eventually."

It was easier to speak when those intense eyes weren't on him.

He felt Edward pull back and he felt sad for a moment because it was over, he lowered his arms, but instead of the feeling of Ed's arms leaving him, Edward only pulled his head back.

His eyes were closed,

"Your face might take a little time getting used to…but your voice…I like your voice, it's completely you." Edward said quietly and kept his eyes closed, he tilted his head back slightly.

Alfons felt like he was about to stop breathing when Edward kissed his jaw line ever so lightly, he felt himself start to tremble subtly with excitement, Edward had the faintest smirk on his lips as he kissed again, this time at the corner of Alfons mouth, eyes still closed.

"Talk to me…" Edward mumbled against his cheek, sounding naughty, sexy.

The words just fell from Alfons mouth, spoken low and intense,

"Your amazing Edward…and just the slightest kiss from you…it…" he trailed off, his blue eyes clouding with lust.

Edward smirked wider,

"It makes you want to get into my pants…" he clarified quietly.

Alfons didn't answer, he just grinned, turned his head slightly and pressed his lips to Edward's waiting ones.

This time when he pressed his closed lips to the shorter blonde's, Edward responded instantly, pressing back. Alfons exhaled through his nose slightly, his breath was already short from his excitement.

After the shortest moment Alfons waited no longer and traced the seam of Edward's lips with his tongue, eager and hopeful and this time…Edward's lips parted.

There was no hesitation from Edward and Alfons couldn't contain himself, he went straight into tasting the very back of Edward's throat and it made him inwardly giddy when Edward's head titled to the side and he opened his mouth wider to accommodate the depth of the kiss, his own tongue sliding sensually and rousingly against Alfon's.

After the initial meeting of tongues, the kiss shifted from sudden need to slow and skilled…mostly on Edward's part. Alfons had limited kissing experience but Edward seemed to know what he was doing and it did wonders for the intense tingles running south through Alfons like electric shocks.

Edward controlled the kiss, played with his tongue sensually, parting their lips briefly in between to re-angle and then reattach their mouths.

He did his best to keep up, both of them breathing through their noses in between parting, Alfons was certain he'd made a tiny moan at some point.

He couldn't help the hard on he got when one of Edward's hands –he didn't even care which- moved from his back to slide up over the cotton of his shirt covered chest…and he was pushed back against the wall next to the door roughly.

He felt bolder now that Edward was pressing against him, up against a wall, apparently he wasn't the shy type and Alfons felt like he had died and gone to heaven, he pressed his hands to Edward's firm sides –like he had in is fantasy- and he slid them down over the T shirt and the loose pants covering Ed's skin and let his hands rest on Edward's ass…feather light but still, his insides burned with arousal at even that.

Edward's breath hitched and Alfons worried he'd gone too far when the kiss paused, their lips pressed wetly against each other's for a moment while they breathed heavily and remained still…Edward's eyes stayed closed.

After a beat, Alfons felt relieved when Edward's mouth pressed against his again and he continued kissing, he figured Edward had taken a moment to see whether he was okay with it and taking it as a clear go ahead, the horny side of Alfons' young body took the reins and he pressed his hands onto Ed's firm buttocks, alternating slowly between squeezing lightly and massaging.

Edward's breathing had increased at his ministrations, Alfons knew he was doing something right and it was doing wonders for him too, he was so hard it hurt.

And it was even better…because he could feel Edward was hard too, not as much as he was but it was better than nothing.

Before he could make any more daring moves Edward finally ended the kiss breathing deeply, he leaned his head on Alfon's shoulder and pressed his hands on the wall either side of the taller blonde's head, still leaning against Alfons bodily.

Alfons needed to gather himself, he leaned his head back against the wall and opened his clouded eyes slowly, licking his lips before breathing out,

"Oh my god…that was…" he trailed off quietly.

Edward laughed quietly,

"I can do better…" He mumbled.

Alfons felt his cock throb at those words and he thought elatedly 'ohmygodyesplease' as he stared at the ceiling.

Edward stepped back and Alfons had to relinquish his hold on Edward's backside regretfully.

Finally Edward opened his eyes and they looked at each other.

He watched Edward swallow slowly before sighing,

"I'm not hungry…I think I'm just gonna go to bed. Night Alfons…" he stepped back and walked over to his bed.

Alfons watched him lie down on his back and put an arm over his eyes.

It felt like an abrupt and cold way to end what had just been a very heated bout of kissing but he didn't want to push his luck.

"Night, Edward." He said audibly, turning around and switching of the light as he left the room and closed the door with a soft click.

Alfons went straight to his bedroom where he had a box of tissues, after all, he had to save water.


	13. Chicken on a Bone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :P

It was a much colder day and almost a week later when Alfons finally got tired of Edward sort kind of but not really avoiding him. He certainly wasn't subtle about it but then again, Alfons had to admit that there was absolutely nothing subtle about Edward…ever.

Edward had been eating his dinners in mouth-stuffing silence, avoiding eye contact like he used to and spending twice as much time locked away in his bedroom which, Alfons had spied in on, was a royal mess of papers and books. Some of which were long past their library expiry date.

He knew that Edward still had money, he didn't know if he still received money, but he'd seen the cash the shorter blonde had stashed away because once again, Edward was not subtle. He supposed he should be glad he was so well trusted, or he should be glad he had the sense to fear Edward would break a few of his bones if he ever stole his money. Either way, if Edward had money to spare on library fines that were months old, he wasn't about to complain.

He would however, complain about being ignored and not just to himself anymore.

Alfons came home from a long day at work in very windy, cold conditions, from noisy machinery, oil fumes and not too great lighting so he had a headache, his nose and chest burned badly and he was sore from assembling, welding and carrying parts all day, over all his mood was really bad.

When he stepped into the entrance and shut the door behind, he turned around to look down the short passage to the kitchen area red nosed and breathing a little heavier in frustration, the flat seemed quiet but the door had been unlocked so Edward was probably home. Alfons took a breath and glared down at himself, his coat felt like it was twisted tightly around him and under the strap of his bag, his hair was no doubt in a fantastical mess on his head and to top it off he'd forgotten to wear gloves that morning so his fingers were stiff and ice cold.

In a hurry and with some annoying grumbles he struggled out of the tangle of his bag strap and coat, for once he decided to be like Edward and he dropped everything in an untidy heap on the floor in the passage. His skin was prickling from the cold air in the apartment now that he'd shed his coat and it just made him feel moodier.

He walked into the kitchen and went straight to Edward's closed bedroom door, taking a moment to knock twice sharply before opened the door. He sighed heavily as he glanced around the impressive scatter of chaos, there was no Edward within the disorder though and he felt his heart sink.

Alfons knew it was pathetic of him, but he wanted some attention dammit, even if they weren't really 'dating' and he'd never dare be so ambitious as to label them a 'couple', he and Edward were  **something**  that wasn't just friends, at least not since that last kiss where'd he'd managed to just about skid into second base with the temperamental blonde.

The memory alone of having his hands on Edward's ass warmed up his weather chilled skin and he quickly stepped back out of the room and closed the door, sliding his narrowed eyes toward the second passage almost slyly. He could hear crackling, it was faint…but it was identifiable.

"Fire…" he mumbled to himself and blinked twice before he headed into the second passage quietly, absently folding his long white shirt sleeves up so they stayed at his elbows.

Sure enough the air was warmer in the narrow passage and when he reached the door of the tiny flat den, his eyes fell first on the small fire in the equally small fireplace in the room corner and then on the back of the one old brown double seat couch set across from the hearth. One of the lamps were on in the corner of the windowless room and everything seemed to be place, except there were several books missing from the small wall shelf and when he looked back to the couch he could see the corner of a sheet of white paper peeking out at the one end on the floor.

As if to confirm Alfon's suspicion he heard a shifting sound and for a brief second he saw Edward's flesh foot stretch out over one of the armrests before it disappeared behind the back of the couch again.

He felt a pang of jealously, he had to go out and work in the cold and here Edward got to lie around in a warm room doing whatever the heck it was he did and all because his rich father sent him a cheque every month! It was frustrating, having gone through so much financial hardship and struggles growing up, it made him angry to see someone who could live so comfortably.

But it wasn't Edward's fault he was lucky and Alfons just sighed and folded his arms over his chest, feeling warmer now in the doorway of the den, he knew it was petty to get jealous. Edward had obviously been through harder times than he had, what with two missing limbs, so even if he did get to 'work' from home he probably deserved it.

Even if he was a big jerk that had been ignoring Alfons.

_'He's still here when he doesn't have to be, he could have stayed in whatever big house his father left him.'_  He walked into the den slowly, approaching the back of the couch,

"Are you so absorbed in reading that you can't even say he-" Alfons leaned on the back of the couch and looked down at Edward.

He was fast asleep, curled into himself facing the back of the couch with a book caught awkwardly between his arms, crinkling and folding some of the pages. It would have been cute if not for the grimace that was on Edward's face as he slept, he looked like he was in pain.

Doing something he would have never tried before their first kiss, Alfons went around the couch, stepping over all the books on the floor, and sat in the space beside Edward. It was small but since Edward was curled up against the couch back he managed it fairly enough. Getting close to Edward before had seemed hazardous to his health, and that was when the shorter blonde was conscious, he knew he was taking a risk and might get his lights punched out for disturbing Edward while sleeping, that had actually happened to someone at university mind you, but he stayed put anyway.

"Edward?" he said quietly as he shifted his butt a bit more onto the couch, bumping against Edward's back as he did so and reaching to take the book between his arms. He wanted to ask if Edward was okay but he had to wake him up first so he raised a hand and very tentatively he placed it on the other man's shoulder, he opened his mouth to say something and then made an annoyed face when he realised it was Edward's right shoulder, so he wouldn't feel anything.

His annoyance faded and it was replaced with uncertainty, he knew he could wake Edward up without physical contact but he so badly wanted to touch Edward, even innocently if he could. Besides, it would not be nice to be woken by loud talking or shouting if he were really in pain, wouldn't soothing hands and a soft voice be better?

He nodded, having convinced himself rather easily that he'd take the risk at his own peril of death by Edward Elric for unpermitted touching. He swallowed nervously and glanced at the fire when it crackled a bit louder, like some sort of warning, but never the less he took the hand from Edward's shoulder and brought it downward to instead rest on his warm side…right on the very shallow but firm curve of his narrow waist.

Alfons' eyes softened from worry to affection as he looked down at his hand, Edward's skin was so warm even through his thick gray sweater. Since he was dressed like that Alfons assumed he hadn't been out all day,

"Edward…" he said again and gently squeezed his hand.

Edward felt the hand after a moment, at first since he was half asleep he hadn't really noticed anything but at the quiet mumble of his name in a painfully familiar voice, he dragged himself from unconsciousness. Alphonse's name was just about to leave his mouth, until he became aware of a lukewarm light touch on his waist.

A hand…a human hand.

He knew then that it wasn't Alphonse because the last hand he'd ever felt of his younger brother's had been leather, either too hot or too cold depending on the weather, but never naturally warm. And his armoured hand had been far too big to sit so gently and lightly on Edward's side…or to press so flat and close.

No, it wasn't Alphonse.

It was…

"Alfons?" Edward said his name coherently without opening his eyes, a sign that he was practically awake and Alfons almost removed his hand, but he steeled his nerves and told himself to stop being such a damn chicken. Edward had even pointed out that eventually he knew Alfons wanted more than awkward hugs and kisses, he had to show some confidence if he was ever going to get there.

"Yes, it's me…" he said squeakily and mentally scolded himself for sounding anything but confident, "…I wanted to check on you, are you alright?" he said in a less girly pitch after clearing his throat.

Edward opened his eyes slightly but didn't look at Alfons,

"I'm fine." He said stiffly.

Alfons wondered if it was because of his hand being where it was so he tested his theory, he shifted his hand slightly upwards and downwards in a gentle rubbing motion along Edward's side,

"I was just worried, you looked like you were in pain." He admitted, watching Edward's face carefully and hoping he'd have time to flee if the shorter blonde lost his temper suddenly.

"Hm, my shoulder and my leg hurt…" Edward mumbled by way of explanation but didn't say anything about the light caress of Alfons' hand, he took that as a good sign.

"Oh, right, the cold weather." He responded, feeling bad for getting jealous about Edward staying inside by the fire all day, he would never know what it felt like to suffer that sort of ache from cold, he hoped so at least, "Do you want me to draw you a hot bath?" he offered with a small smile, not stopping the movement of his hand along Edward's side.

He was actually feeling a little bolder and he let his hand slide a little lower onto Edward's hip, he wore a loose fitting tracksuit pants so it was only elastic on his waist, no belts, buttons or zippers, between his hands and more of Edward than he'd ever dreamed he'd get to be close to.

Of course, he wouldn't dare venture his hand that far…not yet at least.

"No, it hurts to take my arm and leg off." Edward sighed, still keeping his eyes slightly open but staring at the couch back. That statement sort of confused Alfons for a second but before he could ask a stupid question he answered it for himself, Edward couldn't bath with exposed wires and metal plating, it'd damage the fake limbs.

But then a thought occurred to him,

"If you have to take them off all the time, how come you don't ever remove the uh…" he tried to remember what Edward had called it, "...the, is it…port?" he again let his hand slide further, upward and inward that time, almost reaching Edward's chest.

Edward's gaze lowered so his eyes nearly closed,

"Different metal and quality, it can get wet…" he sighed, "…I miss my automail." He mumbled.

That was the first time Edward had said such a word and Alfons had no idea what it was he referred to.

"Auto mail? As in, automated machine?" he asked curiously, "Like a robot?" he blinked interestedly.

Edward smiled slightly, almost nostalgic,

"Yeah, like robot limbs I guess." He said honestly and while Alfons was pleased to be having such a candid conversation while making physical contact, he was confused.

"There are no such things as robots, Edward." He said quietly, once again pondering the other man's sanity.

Edward didn't get upset like he usually did when Alfons told him something he said sounded crazy or farfetched, instead he smirked,

"Maybe I'll show them to you sometime, they doesn't work here…but…I've always kept my automail." He closed his eyes completely.

Alfons raised an eyebrow, disbelieving,

"I would…like to see that." He admitted, because if Edward wasn't a super sexy, delusion whack job, then Alfons would really like to see an actual functional robot, being an engineer and all, "Edward, what do you mean by 'it doesn't work here'?" he ventured curiously, as did his hand, skirting perilously beneath the hem of Ed's sweater over his hip.

"Was there something you wanted besides to check on me, Alfons?" he changed subjects without a hint of tact and Alfons made a face, staring down at Edward's side profile with an irritable face.

He thought about lying and saying no, telling Edward he was just there to make sure he was okay and pretending like he didn't want some attention but…

…life was too short.

"I had a long day, engine fumes…so much noise, I'm so tired." He admitted and then smiled teasingly even though Edward wasn't looking at him, "I was hoping you'd give me a massage."

He was joking but when Edward scoffed it took the humour out of it for him, that was until Edward spoke,

"I have one human hand, I can do hand jobs but massage's aren't really my forte."

Alfons' face heated up like a stove plate, he guessed Edward was joking but wondered if he was. He opened his mouth to say something but Edward opened one eye wider and looked at him smirking and when their eyes met the long haired blonde snickered,

"Your face is so red, it's too easy." He said clearly amused.

Alfons deflated, the long day creeping up on him and he sighed, he could practically taste the engine fuel in his throat when he swallowed, nearly coughing,

"Why do I bother, I'd have more luck warming up to a snowman." He muttered and placed his hands on his knees to stand up.

He stopped when Edward looked up at him properly,

"Don't be so moody, come on," he patted the small couch space behind himself and shimmied up to make more room, "I won't give you a hand job but you can, uh, lie down with me."

Alfons stared down at him, waiting for the punch line.

Edward sighed and turned to face the couch again,

"I'm serious Alfons…" his German sounded a bit garbled when he mumbled, "…it's warm in here and you said you're tired, lie down." He invited again.

Alfons was still suspicious but his desire to be ever closer to Edward made him give in without asking what the catch was. Maybe just maybe this one time, there was no catch. He pushed his suspenders off his shoulders so they didn't make him uncomfortable and then he sat down again and shifted to lie beside Edward in the small space.

It was a very small space.

His eyes lowered to Edward's neck as he settled in close, Edward shifted more forward to give him more room and he shifted to adjust, slowly but surely he found himself spooning Edward on the couch and the fact that the long haired blonde's backside was pressed lightly to his crotch was not something he could ignore.

Edward was so warm it was ridiculous, Alfons wanted to melt.

He laid his head on the pillow, most likely from Edward's bed, that was propped up against the armrest and he sighed quietly as he got comfortable. Edward didn't protest when he resettled his hand on his side again or when Alfons slipped the very same hand over Edward's stomach so that he was holding his waist a moment later.

He lay for a while, feeling warm and rather comfortable but he wouldn't be able to fall asleep with Edward's body so close, no chance. Being in such a lucky position as it was, he considered whether he was willing to risk injury by attempting to be a little bold. He squeezed his arm a little tighter round Edward's waist and felt their bodies press close and that made the decision for him.

Nervously, Alfons placed a slightly wet kiss to Edward's neck, he was careful to kiss higher than the plastic cover of the port. He braced himself for a reaction but when he didn't get one, he figured Edward was either asleep, or letting him steal a few kisses.

Daring to risk his safety, he applied another kiss and then another and he kissed down Edward's shoulder until he felt the collar of the sweater as well as the hard line of plastic concealing metal beneath it, then he kissed Edward's scar and felt him tense. Alfons quickly moved his lips to Edward's ear, he'd never done anything so smooth in his whole life but trailing his nose along the curve of Edward's neck upwards to get there just felt right and the goosebumps he was rewarded with filled him with pride...and confidence.

"You smell good, Edward." He said in a low voice and purposely let his accent punctuate the words, he'd been practicing, as embarrassing as it was, to pronounce his words more gravelly and rougher because Edward had mentioned one time that he liked the thick accent on Alfons.

He was rewarded again because Edward's goosebumps remained a while longer and he shifted a bit…closer,

"You smell like machine oil and fuel fumes…" he mumbled and once again Alfons deflated, wishing he could have smelled like some manly perfume that Edward liked, "…I like it." Or not.

Edward did like it, Alfons smelled of other things as well, the outdoors, day worn faint but not unpleasant sweat along with dust and smoke. It was a real smell, not artificial and he knew even before he reached for the hand resting around his waist, that Alfons' hands would not be smooth and baby soft.

He interlaced his fingers with Alfons' and kept his eyes closed to hold onto the deep German voice that made him feel hot as he added a rough hand to his sensory selection by directing Alfons' work roughened hand beneath his sweater and over his abdomen and it felt good. He felt Alfons tense at first but almost immediately after he'd been granted permission Edward felt more urgent and wet kisses pressed to his neck along with Alfons' curious but firm hand sliding up to caress his chest.

And he told himself firmly,

_'It's not Alphonse.'_

"Beautiful…" Alfons breathed against his neck, voice slightly husky. And while Edward didn't know if he appreciated being called that, the heavy breath that follow the deeply accented 'wunderschön' right before it was punctuated with a wet kiss to the back of Edward's ear made him not really care.

Because it turned him on.

Edward's body was reacting to Alfons' hands, his lips…and when he felt teeth graze his skin his lips quirked up in a bit of a smile, he liked that. He also liked that despite Alfons' apparent lack of confidence in this area most of time, once he was given a measure of freedom to touch he very quickly showed signs of dominance.

He felt the hand slip out from under his shirt before it touched his cheek, long, slender fingers of an engineer's hand gently gripped his face and turned his head to catch his lips in a kiss. Edward let Alfons kiss his lips a few times before he responded, slowly but firmly, turning himself over just a bit more so his shoulder was pressing into Alfons' chest.

Alfons' hand left his face, his fingers glided over Edward's chin and down his neck with feather light touches and Edward was surprised by the tingles that followed in the wake of the touch.

He hadn't been touched in a long time, he let that explain why he was enjoying it so much.

He kept his eyes shut because that helped him keep out the disturbing feeling of kissing his own brother from ruining the touches and kisses.

Alfons felt his boldness growing, especially when Edward finally opened his mouth and he was able to get his second taste of the shorter blonde's tongue, it sent rushes of hot arousal through him and before he considered it might be too much, he shifted his hips forward so his erection was pressing into the side of Edward's waist.

He froze when he felt Edward tense, their tongues slightly touching and breathing escalated between their mouths, blue eyes open and gold eyes clenched tightly shut.

Something about the fact that Edward hadn't shoved him off told Alfons that he had to make a decision, he was either going to go for a proper second base…with skin to skin contact, or he was going to back off and give Edward the chance to push him away for another few weeks.

He wanted progress, he wanted Edward…so he took the risk.

Alfons raised one of his legs and placed it over Edward's flesh leg to keep him from squirming away, at the same time he shifted his weight onto his elbow beside Edward's head and placed his hand gently over Edward's eyes. He applied a light amount of pressure as he felt fine blonde lashes brush against his palm when Edward's eyes closed, he skimmed his thumb over the point of Edward's nose affectionately,

"What the hell are you doing?" Edward asked and Alfons felt his brow crease against his hand but Edward still didn't pull or push away, his leg shifted under Alfons' and the taller male lowered his head and kissed Edward's bottom lip to distract him,

"Don't open your eyes…" he made sure to speak lowly and roll his words just like Edward liked, he started a trail of kisses downward, his nerves were starting up because Edward wasn't relaxing and his mouth had closed in a straight unhappy line.

Alfons knew soon he'd lose his nerve completely, especially since Edward's hands were clenched in fists and the veins in his neck were standing slightly, his jaw was tight, showing his discomfort,

"Alfons." It sounded like a warning.

Alfons decided it was now or never at the same time as he covered Edward's slightly parted mouth with his own and filled it with his tongue and he quickly hitched Edward's shirt up, removing any obstruction before he moved to slip his hand beneath the waist band of Edward's pants elastic…

…before he even had his hand in past his second row of knuckles Alfons felt a hard, cold metal hand grab his wrist with a quick slap and not only did it hurt, but he couldn't move his hand at all, Alfons compared the grip to what a bear trap probably felt like and he whimpered very unmanly like.

"Ah, Edward you're hurting me…" his huskiness disappeared very quickly now that he was crapping his pants with worry for his physical well-being as he tried to pull his hand away with very little effort.

Before Alfons knew what was happening he was falling off the couch, landing hard on his back on the old carpeted floor and Edward was on top of him, straddled across his waist and kneeling over the taller blonde, eyes open and warning, breathing tense and a fist was clenched in the front material of his work shirt.

Alfons cracked an awkward smile,

"Too soon?" he asked softly, a hint of apology in his voice.

"You got really handsy, really fast, Alfons." Edward raised an eyebrow.

Alfons nodded quickly,

"I did, yes, I'm very sorry…I really am…" he swallowed, "…please don't hurt me." He blinked in a wide-eyed way that to Edward made him look confused and scared, instead of innocent and sweet like Alphonse would.

_'Because he isn't Alphonse.'_  Edward grumbled something to himself and Alfons was surprised when he was yanked up by the front of his shirt and kissed thoroughly.

His eyes closed easily and his expression melted to surprised wonder and bliss as Edward practically ate his mouth and swallowed his tongue. He kept his hands completely to himself lest he piss Edward off and allowed his mouth to be devoured noisily.

It lasted a good minute or two and his jaw was even starting to hurt, still he worked his mouth against Edward's eagerly, back and forward, open and closed, tongues in and out and teeth raking and nipping…Edward liked using his teeth and Alfons quite liked it too.

And then it was over and Edward let his collar go with a gentle shove, licked his lips twice slowly and then gave Alfons a contemplative and uncertain look,

"…maybe…." He said as he breathed deeply and Alfons frowned, "I have research to do." Edward said shortly and very quickly Alfons' lap was empty and Edward was walking out of the den with his ponytail swinging behind him.

And Alfons was left sitting with an aching hard on and a pair of very sore lips…and it made him smile quite dorkishly, he felt almost stupid with elation and decided that overall, that had gone quite well.


	14. The halfway point in between Progress and Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first update I've done in ages xD yeah bitch! Update!

It had been a miserable few weeks past, not only was Edward so busy he left early in morning and came back well after 9 PM, with arms full of paper scrolls and books –the point of his oh so important research Alfons still had no idea- but he, himself, was also so busy finishing off the test rocket for the demonstration in a little over a month that he was also out all day, working from the early morning to night in the factory.

Presently he was just washing the dark machine grease off his hands before he'd leave for home, like so many nights the past few weeks, and all he had to look forward when he got home was an absent roommate –whether literally or just with regards to acknowledgement- and a sandwich with cup of cheap tea for supper. He got home too late to bother cooking and Edward never bothered with anything lately, so even meal times had become the bare minimum.

He inhaled deeply as he closed the tap off, he'd been intending to left out a long suffering sigh but his throat had been tender for a few days and his breath caught, so he choked out a few uncomfortable coughs as he flicked water of his hands before wiping them on his dusty white shirt. He frowned tiredly and cleared his burning throat a few times as he left the small bathroom located at the back of the factory.

As he walked back through the mostly vacated work space, he rubbed a hand over his face and back through his sweaty hair. It was nearing mid-autumn and the weather was cooling quickly, but inside the factory full of machinery and working bodies, it was easy to get hot and sweaty. He figured he'd appreciate it more once winter was in full swing and it'd be snowing, the temperature would be so cold outside it'd be pleasant inside.

Thinking of the snow brought Edward to mind for the fact that he'd expressed really disliking cold and especially snow sometime that seemed so long ago. It wasn't unusual that a random thought would bring the shorter blonde to mind, but having been so busy Alfons' mind had been preoccupied with work more than anything else, it wasn't so bad though, Edward was distant and there was an obvious lack of effort to even make small talk most of the time on his part.

He was upset with the situation between them, so it made it easier to not think about Edward all the time, of course when he did, it tugged at his emotions. Since their strangely hostile and yet pleasing confrontation on the lounge floor weeks ago, their schedules had become crazy and it felt to Alfons like fate was fucking with him, trying very specifically to keep him from making any further progress with regards to any kind of a romantic relationship with Edward…and it sucked.

He was just shrugging his coat on after shaking the settled dust off of it when one of the last lights besides his own desk lamp was switched off somewhere across the large space. He heard the person say a distracted goodbye but didn't bother to look up from shoving some papers and his rocket schematics notebook into his satchel as he said his own distracted 'see you tomorrow'.

He was often the last person to leave and lock up, so it was no surprise when he was plunged into darkness after switching his lamp off and even navigating toward the exit in the moderate dark wasn't hard. He stepped out into the chilly evening, enjoying the cool air as the wind tousled his air and eased the sticky sweaty feeling somewhat. Alfons coughed again as he put some effort into closing the large outer roller door and once he'd locked it up and everything was sealed off until the next day, he turned to walk the quiet road back home.

It was a Wednesday and well after 8.00 PM, so it was no surprise that he was walking the streets alone.

He used the quiet time to think about what he might do differently when he got home in order to get some attention from Edward, at this point he'd even settle for just eating supper with the volatile blonde. Yes, volatile, because every other day of the week Edward returned home and would slam his bedroom door, sometimes there'd be cussing from inside, sometimes there'd be sound of paper being ripped up, sometimes there'd be silence and the light under his door would go out, Edward would go to bed without eating.

It concerned Alfons and many times he wished he could work up the courage to demand answers from Edward, or at least insist that Ed let him help. But the few times he'd previously attempted to offer some research help he'd been rebuffed with a snort, or an abrupt 'no' and sometimes Edward would just walk away mumbling something about Alfons not understanding.

It was unfair, yes, he wasn't the most assertive or confident sort of person, but he was intelligent and efficient in his chosen field of work and since he'd seen the earliest parts of Ed's research long ago, when they'd first starting spending time together in university, he knew it had something to do with physics. But he also knew how frequently Edward had read library material with theories about alleged practice of alchemy in history, so he was also still slightly worried that Ed's mind wasn't all there.

He rolled his eyes toward the cloudy, dark sky as he walked into the main street on which he lived, the brisk walk made him feel better, exerting some energy after sitting at his work station with goggles on and some tool in his hand while putting together parts for the rocket, was a nice change of pace in his day. He smiled as he thought of the fact the rocket would be completed within the week, his smile faded a bit when he wondered if Edward would like to come and see it, maybe have a drink with him and all the other engineers after they completed it and went to celebrate.

He was hopeful. Always hopeful.

He also wondered if Edward would be impressed at how it came together, after all, he'd been the one to help improve the design and work out a few of the problems they'd been having.

He was just passing the local pub when he sighed again, his throat aching as he rubbed a hand over his shoulder because it was tense, when he heard swearing, loud yelling and the sound of something breaking inside the brightly lit establishment. He frowned and his steps slowed, he was curious as anyone would be, especially since he knew just about everyone who frequented the bar. He took a weary step toward the pub steps right when the doors slammed open and several people rushed out loudly and in all the hurry Alfons quickly back stepped along the side walk to avoid getting shoved along with the rush. They shoved someone out ahead of them, followed by a second person, smaller in size than the first.

Alfons' eyes widened, it was Edward.

"No fighting in my bar!" the owner yelled over the commotion and all the men laughed and while some went back inside, others stayed to watch whatever else might commence between Edward and the man much larger in build and weight than him, Alfons felt panic rise.

He looked over Edward, he wasn't wearing his coat and the top few buttons of his shirt looked like they were missing, the front of the shirt was creased as well, so Alfons assumed the larger man must have grabbed Ed by his collar. But while his appearance seemed a bit ruffled, it was expression that made Alfons swallow thickly. Edward looked severely pissed off, his mouth was in a tense line, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were sharp and focused on the larger man. He also seemed distinctly well balanced, legs apart, feet firmly planted and his arms slightly bent up, left fist clenched and his right hand –the artificial one that no one knew about – he held open with his fingers aligned.

Despite knowing Edward was…feisty, and even though he had spoken of coming from a rough background, however vaguely, when Alfons looked at the larger man –he recognized him as Friedrich- he worried for Edward.

Friedrich was a ship engineer, he worked in Hamburg and only came home to Munich every other month to see his wife and daughter, and he was strong guy, his line of work demanded it.

Now while Edward was ripped and was a tough guy in his own right, Alfons couldn't help scaring himself with the image of Friedrich pummeling Ed into the ground. He opened his mouth to get Ed's attention in hopes of stopping the glaring match going on between the two men, but the jeering of the small gathered crowd for Friedrich to put 'the little guy in his place', made him snap his mouth shut.

They all laughed, but Alfons knew how badly Edward took it when people commented on his height and when he saw the blonde's mouth turn down at the ends he knew it was a lost cause,

"Yeah, come on you big dumb-ass, put me in my place!" he spat in a venomous yet amused tone and tipped his head in a gesture for the man to come at him, "I'll knock that stupid look right off your ugly mug." His German was distorting slightly since he spoke in anger.

Friedrich's lip twitched up in a smug, amused look and he nodded, raising his hands and cracking his knuckles loudly in an attempt to be intimidating and while Alfons swallowed and felt his stomach shake in fear for Edward, the shorter blonde seemed unfazed…and he was  _grinning_.

_'Oh God, he's crazy…'_  his mind quickly went to counting out how much money he had saved up, they might need to go to a hospital after this. He was blinking and clutching his bag in panic when Friedrich took large, quick steps toward Edward. He had the urge to intervene but having seen many bar fights –and avoiding them-, he knew it was never a good idea to get physically involved. When friends of the two fighting got involved it usually turned into a brawl and Alfons didn't want to spend the night in a jail cell or to have someone's bottle broken over his head.

Especially since he'd be the  _only_  one fighting on Ed's side.

So he took a breath and closed his eyes as he saw the larger man raise his arm to punch Edward, he clenched his jaw and flinched when he heard the sound of knuckles to skin, a harsh smacking sound that made dread bloom in his gut, not once but twice. The crowd had raised their voices when Friedrich advanced but then their noise died down after the two hits that Alfons heard. His anxiety was peaking, he was afraid to open his eyes and see Edward laid out on the road but at the same time as he forced his eyes open he took a step forward, determined to step up, not be afraid and help Ed before Friedrich could hit Ed again.

But his mouth fell open when his eyes fell on Edward, who had somehow ended up behind Friedrich and he watched as Edward kicked the larger man in back of his knee and he dropped heavily, hands cradling his face and blood staining his fingers. Alfons blinked rapidly, not comprehending how the situation was turned around, Edward seemed calm –and stood completely untouched- despite still looking thoroughly pissed off.

Ed proceeded, while Alfons and the crowd stood mostly silent and rather stunned, to throw a solid downward punch to the kneeling man's jaw as he rounded on him, it was a left handed punch, and Friedrich landed on his side heavily before rolling onto his back while groaning loudly. Edward, smaller in size but apparently far from inferior stood over him, adjusting his gloves on his hands in a manner that was distinctly cocky, looking smug and it made Alfons more than a bit annoyed at him,

"Who's little now, huh?" Edward asked quite loudly in the now quiet street and Alfons heard for the first time the faint slur in his voice.

_'He's…drunk?'_  he'd never seen Edward drunk, then again, they'd never been able to afford enough alcohol in the past to get drunk.

When Edward spun around to face the small quiet crowd outside the pub, ignoring Friedrich who looked devastated at the blood on his hands more than in the fact that his nose was probably broken, he raised his hands into the air addressing the small crowd,

"Anyone else wanna put me in my place?" he challenged, sounding a bit tipsy but again Alfons noticed he was oddly steady on his feet, looking like he'd had a long day with rumpled clothes and untidy hair, "What about you, Walter, you called me a  _dumb child_ …" he pointed at one of the men in the crowd.

Alfons clenched his jaw, feeling that anger that only ever swelled with regards to Edward, as he watched the shorter blonde antagonize and provoke, clearly looking for trouble. Now that Ed was okay, drunk, but unhurt and clearly enjoying this from the snarky grin on his face while threatening a rather worried looking Walter, he allowed himself to get involved.

"Edward, stop it." He said firmly and was pleased when Ed's head snapped in his direction and those eyes –golden and ever stunning- actually looked worried, then sheepish and finally all of the tension left Ed's body and he looked  _apologetic._

Alfons was stunned. Never ever had he seen such a reaction from Edward, it was as if the tone of his voice alone had knocked Edward off his melodramatic, alcohol fueled pedestal.

He didn't want to let go of the small power he'd gained for whatever reason, but he couldn't bitch at Ed in front of everyone, especially since anything he could say he was afraid would come across as too personal for two male friends.

"Sorry, Al…" Ed blinked a few times, "…Alfons." And then he looked really sad and he rubbed at his face, forgetting about everyone still watching him apparently. So Alfons sighed and walked over to Friedrich after throwing the crowd an irritated glance,

"Let me help you up." He extended a hand.

Friedrich was still on his back, taking breaths and probably trying to figure out how he ended up the one in pain but he recognized Alfons and took his hand with a grimace sort of smile, letting the blonde help him sit and then stand. When Friedrich was standing, he took to glaring at Ed again and Alfons glanced over to find Edward was just standing there, staring at the road,

"Edward…" he said evenly, glad to note that people were starting to go back inside, mumbling amongst themselves, "…whatever happened, could you please apologize?"

When Edward looked at him, he swallowed nervously, there was fire in his eyes as they narrowed,

"Apologize for  **what?** " he turned around to face them and walked closer, sizing Friedrich up irritably as he gestured at him, "This asshole started it," Alfons couldn't help thinking of how childish that sounded, "I wasn't even talking to him when he started laughing it up with his asshole friends, talking about how crazy and pathetic I am."

"You are crazy you foreign little bastard!" Friedrich added and this time when Edward took a step toward him with intent to hit him again, Alfons stepped in and grabbed Ed around his chest, pushing him back with some effort as Friedrich stepped back as well.

"That's enough," he said loudly and then to Edward once he stopped struggling, Alfons said in a slightly hushed tone, "…Ed we can't afford to pay this guy's doctor bills."

That seemed to get Edward to clear his head and he met Alfons' strict gaze briefly before he shrugged the taller blonde off and glanced at the front of the pub, now void of people, while he absently patted his right side pants pocket where his pocket watch always was, as if checking for it out of habit,

"I'm not apologizing." He said firmly, looking from Alfons to Friedrich, blinking slowly.

"Ed, you  _broke_ his nose." Alfons said in a hushed tone again, stressing the severity.

Edward almost couldn't believe Alfons was worried about a broken nose, off all the breakable bones in the body that one was probably the least bad, he knew.

"So let him bill me, he wouldn't be the first person who charged me for damages." Edward spat and then turned on his heel and stalked away down the street, moving toward the sidewalk when a lone car appeared, coming their way.

Alfons sighed and he and Friedrich moved to the side of the road too. He had no idea what Edward meant by that last comment, as long as he'd known him despite all of the times he'd argued with people, he'd never hit anyone like he'd just did to Friedrich, so who had charged him and for what?

"You know that guy?" Friedrich asked sounding muffled with his nose full of drying blood and swelling.

Alfons had been watching Edward walk away with feelings of irritation, frustration, disappointment and hurt rolling around inside him. He hated that he didn't understand Ed.

He turned to face Friedrich and he winced slightly when he noticed under the lights of the pub entrance that the swelling around the taller man's eyes was starting, tingeing red and blue as the bruising set in.

Friedrich noticed him flinch but didn't comment on it,

"Uh, yeah, we're friends…" Alfons sighed as he reached for the flap of his satchel, "…I'll give you my address, when you've been to see a doctor you can drop the bill off."

"You're going to pay his bill?" Friedrich sounded confused,

"Ah, well, Edward and I are roommates…" he smiled, "…so you'll be dropping the bill off for him." He elaborated.

Alfons would  _make_  Edward pay his bill, after all, he was the one who had money to waste apparently.

The taller man nodded as Alfons wrote his address on a torn off piece of note book paper,

"You should watch out for him Alfons," he looked up at Friedrich as he handed over the paper, "…that guy is crazy, you never know what he might do one day when he finally loses it completely."

Alfons frowned and watched as Friedrich nodded once, pocketed the paper and headed back up the stairs to the pub, probably to resume drinking like his nose wasn't broken, but he didn't focus on the annoyed feeling of that fact right then, instead he frowned deeper and glanced at the man just before he could go back inside,

"Friedrich…?" when the taller brunette turned around with swollen eyes and a bloody nose Alfons asked, "…what did he say that was so crazy?"

Because he doubted Edward would tell him, he doubted Ed would even talk to him.

"Heh…" Friedrich chuckled and grimaced from whatever pain it caused, "…he was saying that he doesn't belong here and that he wants to go back home to his brother. So someone asked him where his home is…" Friedrich shook his head in amused pity and glanced at the road Ed had walked off along,

"And what did Edward say?" Alfons clenched his hand around the strap of his satchel.

Friedrich looked at him and shook his head,

"He said his home is in another world."

* * *

 

Another world.

That was a first, Alfons couldn't help frowning as he walked into the flat and dropped his satchel just inside the door, he was feeling far more tired than he had earlier and far more worried. He hated to think it but what would he do if Ed turned out to be crazy, genuinely mentally unstable? He sighed heavily as he walked to the kitchen table –stepping over Ed's haphazardly discarded shoes in the passage- while shrugging his coat off, he folded it over the back of the chair where Edward's was draped as well. The fact that his coat was in the flat told Alfons that the shorter blonde had been back there before he went out to drink.

It was unlike Edward in every possible way, to go out and drink, he never ever did that.

Alfons looked across the small kitchen at Edward's bedroom door, it was closed as usual. But he didn't feel like accepting that, not tonight, after what had just happened, he felt like he deserved some conversation, even if it'd just be explanation or arguing.

Edward was constantly hot and cold emotionally and if that wasn't confusing enough, going off to get uncharacteristically drunk and getting into pub fights just made it worse. So he walked around the table and stopped at Ed's door where he knocked twice loudly,

"Edward, can we please talk about what just happened?" he said audibly.

Then he head the toilet flush down the hall and realized Ed wasn't in his bedroom, he huffed and rubbed at his forehead with his hand before he walked toward the bathroom just as the door opened. Edward walked out looking exhausted but calm, wiping the water on his hands off onto his pants as he regarded Alfons with a frown,

"Were you talking to yourself?" he half mumbled.

Alfons glanced over him, his shirt was unbuttoned and his white undershirt was visible and both were un-tucked from his grey pants, his sleeves were untidily rolled up, his belt hung unfastened and he was wearing only socks on his feet. He looked as attractive as ever, worn out and somehow far more real than he had before, the smell of beer and faded deodorant adding to it.

Alfons sighed –taking in the sight and sense of Ed- and then shook his head,

"I thought you were in your room, I wanted to talk about what happened."

"What happened?" Edward shrugged and walked around him to head toward the kitchen counter.

Alfons turned around to watch him as he took the last of their bread out,

"Edward, don't pretend like you don't know, just tell me what happened." He insisted, feeling irritated enough that he was willing to push, Ed seemed calm as well, so he hoped there'd be no argument.

The shorter blonde sighed and he took out their block of cheap margarine and retrieved a butter knife from the drawer,

"That guy said something that pissed me off so I told him I'd kick his teeth in and then he-…"

"No, I mean how did it  _start_  Ed…?" he forced himself to ask the question instead of stepping around it, "…why were you telling people that your home is in another world?" he asked quietly.

He watched as Edward tensed and then slowly lowered the slice of bread he'd been buttering and the knife until they rested on the counter top. He let them go and rested his palms flat on the surface before lowering his head and becoming silent. Alfons glanced around the kitchen, not sure if he was going to get an answer so he carried on speaking,

"Is it because you were drinking? I've never known you to go out and drink like that, it's unlike you, that's why I just need to know what happened that made you act like that, please?" he sighed, feeling his throat scratching with every word, his own exhaustion seeping further into his bones.

It was late, he had to work tomorrow and as usual Edward was being difficult.

Except not really because he began to answer Alfons' question, which drew him out of his tired state somewhat,

"I'm…I just got tired of lying." He mumbled.

His answer wasn't very helpful though, as far as Alfons knew Edward had been making up 'crazy' lies and that was what started the fight in the first place. He sighed, deciding it was best to play along and see what he could find out, if he never got anything else from Edward, at least he'd know if the other man was bonkers,

"Lying about what exactly?" he kept his voice even, trying not to sound exasperated.

Edward stood very still where he was, not turning around, breathing so shallowly that even in the silence of their kitchen Alfons couldn't hear it, and then he inhaled deeply and returned to making his plain butter and bread as he spoke,

"I'm tired of lying about where I come from, who I am, pretending to be something I'm not." He said in a tone that suggested he wasn't interested in going into detail.

Alfons could guess it was because he was expecting to be met with negative disbelief and mocking, it was true that in the past Alfons had questioned the nonsense Ed seemed to talk every so often.

To this day he was still confused about Ed having apparently been in the military as a young teen and having nearly killed a man with his bare fists at 15 and even more confusing, what the hell was automail? Robot arms and legs? That one had been the hardest lie to swallow and smile about nonchalantly, it sounded so ridiculous…

_'…and yet, the prosthetics he wears now are far more advanced than anything I've ever seen as it is.'_  He watched as Ed finished at the counter and dropped his bread and butter into a side plate before pulling a chair out noisily across from where Alfons stood and he sat down heavily, his expression distant and golden eyes dull. Alfons raised an eyebrow and sat down slowly in the chair next to him, he leaned his elbows on the table as he started to bite his thumb nail,

_'He has golden eyes, that's impossible right? I've never heard of anyone having such an eye color either…and all those scars, he couldn't have been in any English military at such a young age.'_

Then Alfons thought of Ed's words just a moment earlier, that he was tired of lying about where he really came from and who he is. He took a deep breath, watching absently as Edward ate, thinking over whether he was willing to try and believe Ed's bizarre history and wondering just how much Edward might really believe he was from another world and not just some small strange place no one had ever heard of.

_'I mean, being from another world, he probably means he's…an alien?'_  his scientific mind wondered briefly about how possible it was, he did believe in the vast unexplored region of outer space, so was it possible? He lowered his eyes to Ed's bruised left hand knuckles, bleeding slightly where the skin was most damaged and he frowned, Edward was acting as if it didn't hurt at all.

Yet another thing about Edward that was scary and unusual, military trained or not, he certainly was a capable fighter. He closed his eyes for a second before he stood up and walked to the counter, as he went about putting ice cubes from the freezer box into a dishcloth , Alfons decided that if nothing else, he was definitely curious to hear about this supposed 'other world'.

Maybe all Ed needed was someone to actually listen to him, everyone needed someone to listen to them some time. So he turned back to the table to find Edward was done eating and he was just sitting there, looking like someone who was lost, and really, he was, Alfons had sensed that about him a long time ago.

He had no one, he didn't seem to want anyone close to him either.

He walked over and noisily pulled a chair up next to Ed, sitting on the left side of the shorter blonde, and he smiled after a quiet exhale, meeting Ed's eyes when he looked at him with a frown,

"Okay, I'm curious, I want to know who you really are, I want to know more about you…so tell me Edward." He tentatively reached for Edward's flesh hand where it rested in a loose fist on the table top, the bruises and cuts looked painful.

Edward scoffed quietly,

"Yeah right, so you can call me crazy too? That's all I need, the only person in this fucking place…" he paused when Alfons lifted his loose fist and slipped his hand into Ed's so they were palm to palm and he placed the make shift ice pack over his bloody knuckles, "…the only person I can trust, calling me crazy." He said the end bit very softly and Alfons' heartbeat sped up.

Not just from the word 'trust' falling from Ed's pale, dry lips, but for the fact that he'd squeezed Alfons' hand lightly as he said it. Alfons blinked slowly, taking in the sight of Edward up close for the first time in weeks, he looked tired, like he'd lost some weight. His skin was slightly sallow, the skin under his eyes was darker and he looked sad, Alfons didn't like seeing him look that way.

"I won't call you crazy." He said quietly and squeezed Edward's hand back, he didn't know how true his words were since he wasn't sure what Ed would have to say to him, but he felt like the reassurance of it was most important.

"You'll still think it." Edward said as honestly as ever, not one to skirt around the obvious tension.

Alfons sighed and shifted the ice pack, he was sitting close enough beside Ed that he could bump one of his knees against Ed's,

"Well, we could compromise, you could tell me some…" he chose his words carefully, "… _truths_ , about yourself, the things you're tired of lying about and I'll listen and instead of thinking you're crazy, I'll let you explain it to me before I make any assumptions." He smiled and broke eye contact for a second to look down at Ed's hand as he stroked his thumb over the side of Ed's wrist, "After all, we are scientists, so we have to consider all the possibilities within reason as well as be able to theorize and except the not so reasonable in order to find all the answers. So, I think we can find a middle ground." He looked into Edward's face again.

Edward wasn't smiling, just staring at him, idly moving his fingers curled around Al's hand under the ice pack, but he was considering what Alfons was offering. Alfons didn't push it, he remained quiet while Ed thought about it as he adjusted the ice pack and looked underneath it once or twice, enjoying the closeness with Edward.

It would be a very bad thing if Ed were crazy but Alfons would have to protect him, he couldn't do anything physically, but socially and politically he'd guide Edward.

In the state the country was presently in, crazy people were regarded with as little tolerance and cripples, amputees, sick people, old people…it was not a good time to be a 'strange crazy foreigner' and Alfons didn't trust that unsavory sorts wouldn't want to divest Germany of someone like Edward.

It was a scary time. In a way he didn't blame Edward for conjuring up some imaginary world, maybe it was just a better place to go to in his head than how they lived in reality.

"I'm not from England." Edward said quietly and Alfons blinked and looked up from their joined hands, Ed gave a quiet bitter chuckle, "I wasn't born there, and I only lived in England for about month before my father and I came to Germany." He sniffed and raised his flesh hand to run it over his forehead, pushing his bangs out of his face.

Alfons didn't interrupt; he just listened as he'd said he would.

"We were both following our research, his was different but he was helping me where he could with mine."

Edward fell into silence and was staring at the beige colored covering over his metal prosthetic, moving his fingers and seemingly lost in thought. When more than a minute passed Alfons decided to prompt him,

"If you're not from England, then where were you born? Where is your home?"

Edward's jaw tightened and Alfons released his hand when Ed pulled it away, looking down at his bruised knuckles and making a tight fist, stretching the damaged skin and causing some small dots of blood to seep through the broken skin again,

"I was born in a country called Amestris, in a town called Risembool, where I grew up…that's where my home is." He was almost whispering now and Alfons saw pain in his face, highlighting the look of loss and sadness.

Alfons fiddled with the damp cloth filled with melting ice cubes as he sifted through his knowledge of geography to see if he'd ever heard of a country called Amestris…and the answer was a resounding 'no'. Granted he didn't know the name of every country in existence, so he kept an open mind.

"What continent is that on?" he ventured in a curious tone.

Edward laughed quietly,

"And here comes the clincher, this is where you'll start thinking I'm crazy…" Edward looked at him, expression so completely serious that Alfons swallowed nervously, "…it doesn't exist in this  **world**  Alfons, because I'm  **not**  from this world."

Alfons' mouth felt dry, he felt anxious at hearing those words and he brought a hand up to rub at the side of his neck as he glanced around the kitchen and then looked at Ed again,

"What do you mean by  _this_ world?" he asked quietly, as if it were to be a secret.

At this point Edward seemed to see right into him, his gaze was so definitive and unyielding,

"I mean, this world you call Earth…I mean, not even the same universe…" his voice lowered significantly, "…I mean, I don't even recognize the constellations and the density of this worlds atmosphere, its physical make up, is different and the  _worst_  part, the reason I'm fucking stuck  **here** …" his voice was tight with anger now and he was clenching his teeth and Alfons was keeping very, very still, "…is because I can't use Alch-…" he stopped talking before he could finish.

His eyes widened and drew back, he'd been leaning forward and it had been scaring Alfons at how intense he'd looked but right then he seemed to realize what he'd been about to say and he shook his head,

"Forget I said anything." He stated abruptly and stood up, the chair scraped noisily.

Alfons was a bit overwhelmed after hearing what Ed had just said and trying to patch it in with other strange things the shorter blond had said to him in the past, the gaps were starting to fill and despite the fact that it sounded ludicrous, he wanted to hear more,

"You were going to say Alchemy." He stood up as well, to block Edward from walking to his bedroom and locking himself away.

The blatant determination and seriousness of Ed's voice and face just now was something he'd never seen, there had never been any real conviction in anything Edward had done before, he'd always seemed distant and listless and detached from…reality. But just then when he'd spoken, there hadn't been a trace of doubt in his voice.

It was frightening and yet, fascinating.

Edward frowned at him,

"How did you know that?" he asked suspiciously.

Alfons frowned right back,

"You use to use both of our library cards in university and you didn't return the books on time, almost  _ever_ ," he managed to sound scolding, "obviously the librarian, who knew  _me_  very well, started complaining about it and several times asked me to return the books. It was hard not to notice the subject matter of books that all centered around Hermes Trimestigus," he was uncertain of that name, "Nicolas Flamel and Paracelsus -…"

"Trismegistus." Edward mumbled.

"What?"

"It's Hermes Trismegistus." He corrected.

"Whatever." He scowled and Ed cocked an eyebrow, "I read some of them before I returned them, and the one thing all of them talked about in great detail was  **Alchemy**."

"You read them?" he seemed surprised.

Alfons huffed and leaned one hand on the back of the chair he'd been sitting on,

"Yes Edward, I was trying to understand you, trying to figure out how I could help you with your research…but…" he just shook his head, "…all of that stuff was just-"

"Crazy?" Edward tilted his head, looking and sounding mordant.

Alfons closed his mouth and Edward shook his head and then waked past him, bumping him rudely with his shoulder as he did so,

"Okay, yes," Al admitted and turned around, he followed Edward into his room catching the door before it slammed in his face. He paused in the door way as he watched Ed take his pocket watch out of his pocket and stare at it for a moment, "I thought it was a lot of nonsense but that was then, now I want to hear about it, make me understand." He reasoned.

Edward glanced at him before he placed his pocket watch on the table in his room and shook his head,

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Alfons felt his frustration at Edward's stubbornness rise,

"Stop pushing me away Edward, for weeks now you've been doing  _nothing_  but avoiding me and I left you to it, but now," he raised his voice, "after what happened tonight and the things you told people in that bar, who you can't trust, I des-…" he had to stop because he broke out into a coughing fit from raising his voice.

It hurt, not in is throat but in chest and for the first time since the cough started a few days ago, Alfons felt a twinge of worry in his gut. He hoped it'd stop after the first few seconds of hacking but when it didn't he heard footsteps and felt a light hand on his shoulder,

"Alfons, are you okay?"

Alfons swallowed a cough and half choked on it but he was determined to get through to Ed, so with a raspy throat and watery eyes from his burning chest he stood up straight again and placed his hands heavily on Ed's shoulders,

"You said…" he took a breath and swallowed, "…that you trust me." He looked over Edward's confused and concerned expression, "Then talk to me, because even it's hard for me…Edward, I  **want**  to believe you." And it was true.

He wanted to believe that Edward was some other worldly being because it would just make him even more surreal and amazing and it'd also mean he wasn't crazy, so however hard it'd be to come to grips with it, Alfons wanted to be given the opportunity to try and believe.

Edward's expression softened, eyebrows drawing together and a small smile crept onto his face,

"Okay Alfons, we'll talk about it, I'll trust you…" he lowered his hand from Alfons' shoulder so he could pat one his forearms as Alfons held him by his shoulders, "…but you're looking a little green, so I think we can talk about it tomorrow, okay?" his tone was oddly placating, soothing and for the second time that night, the look Ed was giving him seemed like it was meant for someone else.

He could guess who it was meant for but he didn't want to think about it, because he didn't want Edward to see someone who wasn't there, who wasn't him, when they looked at each other. He was too tired to say so, too tired to argue, so instead he tried to reinforce it by doing something to restate the fact that he was not Edward's brother.

They were standing a foot apart so it wasn't hard to lean forward, pull Ed forward by his shoulders and peck him on the lips. There was slight resistance at firt, but a moment and a soft exhale against his lips later, Alfons smiled when Edward closed his eyes and then he kissed the shorter blonde again.

He wasn't as confident as he would have liked to be but he still did his best to seem it, letting his one hand slide to back of Ed's neck to press their lips tighter together before he sought Ed's approval to kiss him properly with a light teasing of his tongue against his lips.

When Edward's lips parted and Alfons was able to slide his tongue into Ed's mouth it made his head feel light and his tummy feel warm. The sweetness of the feeling also warmed him, making him feel affectionate and so he kissed Edward with that same enthusiasm, it was effusive with just the right amount of tongue and wetness and breathing and Alfons was so proud of himself for making Ed's breath hitch slightly before he drew back.

He was tempted to kiss Edward again since he seemed agreeable, his eyes having opened slightly and his breathing, like Alfons' was just a bit deeper, faster and his hand on Al's forearm was just a bit tighter in grip. But when Edward smiled slightly and didn't immediately step back, Alfons realised he'd affected Edward emotionally that time and it felt good, it felt like progress.

It felt like maybe his feelings could be returned in the end, maybe Ed could start to see past his appearance and start to feel for him as a person, him, Alfons Heidrich.

Romantic, sweet, insecure and hopeful of a bright future…Alfons Heidrich.

And if Edward could be a part of it, he would be really grateful to the universe, any universe and every universe.

He smiled a bit stupidly and licked his lips, Edward was watching him, and despite being shallow and hard to reach most of the time, he knew Ed could be perceptive and too smart for his own good other times. So before Ed could see how openly he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, he gave Edward's neck a light squeeze and then took his hand back and stepped away,

"I'll see you tomorrow morning. Good night, Edward." He said somewhat quietly as he reached for the handle to Edward's door and pulled it closed behind him when he walked out.

Ed stood in his room staring at the closed door.

He licked his lips and tasted remnants of cheap beer and Alfons, he frowned as he played back the past hour in his mind with surprising clarity. Being in the bar, being irritable because his research, everything he'd thought was progress over the last few weeks, had come to a painful dead end that afternoon. And so he'd gone into a crowded place…looking for trouble, allowing himself to be easily provoked, wanting to fight with someone who wouldn't cry like a bitch when he clocked them in the face.

He grinned to himself and looked down at his bruised knuckles,

_'As Al would say, always getting myself into trouble.'_

His smile faded when he thought of how Alfons' voice had sounded earlier, outside the pub when he'd said Ed's name in that disapproving tone of voice, it'd sent a rush of familiarity through him and he'd felt himself relax in a way that only his younger brother's voice could make him.

Except it wasn't Alphonse, there wasn't any close fisted thump on his head and an irritable lecture about how irresponsible and childish he could be that followed that statement of his name.

But it was easy enough to get confused when his emotions were running high, like earlier when he'd felt oddly guilty and protective when he'd seen Alfons work himself into a coughing fit just trying to get Ed to listen. It was reminiscent of Alphonse…and even Winry. They would always struggle to get through him, even though he heard them just fine, he just didn't ever listen.

But Alfons was not family in any way, he was not that close, not too close, not yet.

Edward thought about the kiss he'd just received and he worried, because it  **felt**  like more than it had since the last time. He didn't feel quite as much as the kiss suggested Alfons did yet, he was still sorting through the chaos of his mind and his depressing homesickness. bBt that kiss just then and finding out that Alfons went as far as reading books on old alchemy just to try and bridge the lack of understanding between them, to try and help him, it was starting to affect Edward.

He honestly didn't like feeling anything quite so sentimental and affectionate, not for someone who would remain in a world he was actively trying to escape from, it was cruel. And yet, he couldn't shake the fear that he might never be able to leave and in that case, he really didn't want to be alone, without anyone to trust…or anyone to care, or to listen to him.

_'Alfons said he'd listen.'_  It'd be nice to talk about it, it'd be nice to talk about the people he missed and places he hoped to see again one day.

It was only a small thing, having someone to listen, he hadn't had that since Hohenheim disappeared.

He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, his knuckles felt slightly sore and any light buzz he'd acquired after spending more money than he should have buying himself beer had worn off right about the second Alfons showed up at the pub.

He glanced at his bed and didn't really see himself falling asleep.

Then he glanced at his door and he made a decision, a decision he hoped he wouldn't regret. Edward left his room quietly, Alfons had switched off all of the lights and the flat was dark. He padded down the hall in his socks and pushed his hair back from his face, when he reached Alfon's bedroom door he knocked softly and stepped back to wait.

There was some shuffling and then the door opened, revealing Alfons in a blue striped pyjama pants and matching shirt, Edward couldn't help looking him over and chuckling and the taller blonde gave him an annoyed glare,

"Did you come here just to laugh at my pyjamas?"

Edward shook his head and he settled on a small smile,

"I don't know if you're up for it, but if you want…we could talk now." He honestly didn't know if Alfons would say yes, he looked very tired and Ed realised belatedly that the older teen had been at work all day and probably wanted to sleep. For the first time in a long time, he felt really bad for being so insensitive, and it felt good to feel something besides hopelessness and anger for a change.

Alfons smiled almost instantly though and he nodded,

"Yes, I'd like to talk now."

Edward suspected he was just being accommodating, well aware of how selfish and difficult he could be to Alfons, he figured the taller man didn't want to say no based on Ed's mood swings alone.

Still, as selfish as it was, he really wanted to talk, he'd wanted to for so long,

"Great, I'll make us tea and meet you in the lounge?" he tried for a grin and managed an awkward small smile.

Alfons just smiled back at him, seemingly genuine and nodded.

Edward knew that the likeliness of Alfons actually believing what he would tell him about his home world was slim, but at least he'd said he wanted to believe, and for right then, it was enough to make Ed want to believe him too.


	15. It's a mess, it's a start...it's a flawed work of art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So an update! That's happening!
> 
> English is in Bold Italics, all other speech is imaginatively in German. K, use your imagination people. Cause the idea of Ed speaking German is just like excellent sex. Other notes are that the movie referenced is real from way back when, the book and author referenced are real from way back when and the fact about siblings is real too, I don't lay claim to any of those references, they belong to other people, who are dead now, but hey, props right?
> 
> Right, so review!! Cause props. Huh? Huh?
> 
> Bowchikawowwow

 

Alfons tried to mentally prepare himself as much as possible for what was about to come, he was still thrown by Ed saying he wasn't from Earth and if he wasn't crazy, then was it a possibility that Edward was some kind of alien? He sat down in the small den lounging area after having lit a fire to warm the place up, for some reason he was feeling colder than he usually did that early in Autumn, but he figured it might be because he was tired as well as slightly stressed out because the man he was inconveniently falling in love with might be an extraterrestrial.

While Ed appeared human, there were a few strange things about him, first and foremost was his scary –stunning- gold coloured eyes, then there was his high intelligence, but he may very well just be a genius as Al suspected and Ed didn't like to acknowledge. There was also his far out claims about having had mechanical robotic limbs prior to his already advanced prosthetics, and as an indirect evidence of it possibly being true, he had the steel casing –Ed had called it a port- mounted and anchored  **into**  his bone structure! One other physical trait that Alfons hadn't had time to analyze because Edward smiled with his teeth so rarely, was the fact that his canines were a bit sharper than the average person.

He blinked as he heard the stove kettle whistling from the kitchen and the sound of some cups and clinking of a spoon followed that. He rubbed his cold hands over his face and sighed into them once he held his fingers over his mouth. Then there were the strange – and symmetrically perfect- circle drawings that Edward often tried to hide from him,

 _'_ _Has he been drawing his home planet?'_  Alfons' eyes widened a bit at that thought, he was trying to picture the circles he'd occasionally glimpsed stuffed in Ed's bedroom drawer or inside books he was reading.

The circles were often filled with other shapes and writing, Al rubbed his hands back up his face and shook his head,

 _'_ _Was he drawing a map of his world? Oh my God…oh my God…!'_ he felt like it almost made sense now,  _'…he's an alien! His father must be as well! And his brother, who he hasn't seen or had any physical contact with even when they were together and yet he's alive and maybe not in a vegetative state!'_  his mind was reeling.

He was just starting to imagine what kind of alien they must be to be able to be around each other without a physical presence when a waft of hot steam floated up from just under his chin,

"Here." Ed said quietly, holding a cup of hot tea out to him, around the base of the mug he held it with his unfeeling hand while in his flesh hand he held his own mug by the handle.

"O-oh…" he hadn't even heard Ed walk in, he'd been so caught up in his imagination of Edward's true form being some sort of incorporeal being, "…thank you, Edward."  _'Maybe I didn't hear him because he can make himself weightless.'_  He clutched the handle of the cup tightly and stared at the fire.

Surely that was just too ridiculous.

"Are you okay? You look spooked." Edward asked and Alfons only looked over at him when he felt the couch shift, Ed had sat down in the two seater couch just beside him, about 2 feet away. He was gorgeous all the time but being dishelleved was a really good look on him.

He was still wearing the clothes he'd been out in, they were a bit creased and his button down was still opened over a white T shirt with had a low cut round neck, leaving the lines of Ed's collar bone visible, that lead up to a fair neck, with slightly tense tendons since his head was at an angle and a nicely proportioned adams apple. Then there was his face…framed with soft rich blonde bangs which fell forward in wisps from behind his ears, his not too full or thin, smooth, dry lips, his evenly pointed nose and his  _eyes_ …which were focused on Alfons with a frown and an unasked question in his fine blonde drawn eyebrows.

"Uh…" Al said articulately and shook his head slightly, looking down into his tea before sipping it, grateful it didn't burn him since Ed usually made tea scalding hot for some reason.

"If you're too tired Alfons, we can do this some other time." Edward said with a roll of his head on his shoulders, as if to release tension, and Al caught himself watching the long strands of Ed's ponytail slip from his back down over his shoulder on one side. Alfons shook his head,

"No, sorry I'm just…" he tried to smile, "…preparing myself." Ed frowned now and he tensed slightly so Al quickly reassured him, "What you're about to tell me is probably going to be complicated and confusing, Ed, that's all I mean." He leaned forward and put his mug down on the small side table they used as a coffee table.

Edward glanced around and then sighed before he leaned back, picking both his feet up off the floor and bending his legs up onto the couch, his heels digging into the edge as he rested his hands and mug on his lower stomach,

"Yeah, I understand."

They sat in silence for about ten minutes before Ed sipped his tea, scratched the side of his face and spoke,

"So, how about you ask whatever you want to know and I'll answer…and we'll, uh, see where it goes from there?" he glanced over and Alfons realized he hadn't taken his eyes off Ed all that time.

He nodded,

"Okay." He agreed quietly. A further five minutes passed until,

"Alfons?"

He hated when his mouth did things his mind hadn't yet approved but he couldn't help it,

"Are you an alien?" he turned to stare straight at the other blonde.

Edward blinked at him and then frowned, his lips curling up at the ends, suggesting he was amused,

"By alien, I'm assuming you mean to ask if I'm from Mars or something, like that movie,  ** _Algol, Tragedy Of Power_** _,_ that sort of alien?" Ed asked as seriously as possible but Alfons could tell he wanted to laugh.

He was momentarily stuck on the reference because Ed had said it in English but he translated it as best he could in his head and remembered the German Sci-Fi film Ed was talking about.

"It's a valid question what with you saying you're not from this world or this part of the universe." He defended and reached for his now cold tea to give himself something to do because Ed's lips were curling more and more as he tried not to laugh out loud.

Ed put his legs down the so he could place his empty mug on the table and then he sat back again, bringing his legs back up,

"I said I'm not from this universe, not this  _part_  of the universe." Ed clarified, managing not to laugh and it made Alfons more determined to take Ed's every word as seriously as possible, since Edward seemed to be making an effort.

"So what exactly does that mean?" he mumbled into his mug.

"I mean I'm not from this…uh…" he frowned, "…uh,  ** _dimension_** …" he said in English again, looking thoughtful.

"Abmessung." Alfons translated it for himself, he'd been reading more English lately, just another thing he was doing so he could better relate to Ed.

"Yes, but dimension is not really the right word…uh…oh, yes…" he snapped his flesh fingers, "…a completely different reality, so to speak."

Alfons processed that information and then frowned as he came to understand it,

"They mean very different things, Edward. A dimension would suggest a different universe as you said, probably completely independent of this one." He felt crazy just talking about it, "But using the word reality implies it's the same world and people, just a different plane of existence."

Ed was nodding,

"Right, except the plane of existence is not just circumstantially different based on how the people live on it; it's physically and spatially different." He folded his arms across his chest.

"Because it has different constellations you said, so you know it isn't the planet Earth." Alfons tried to follow.

"Exactly, also another difference is that this world has seven continents whereas my world has only one main continent which is about the size of at least five or even six of Earth's put together. And across the seas it was rumored there were smaller land masses but we weren't very advanced with nautical travel." He shrugged, "So I don't know how legitimate that was. And of course the other big differences are alchemy and  ** _alkahestry_**  and  ** _chimera's_** and _ **homunculi**_ and-…"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Alfons raised hand and laughed nervously but he was frowning.

In his head he was thinking of a book he'd read recently, 'Die Entstehung Der Kontinente und Ozeane' by Alfred Wegener. It was about the theory of an original supercontinent that may have once been made up by all seven which currently existed; it was referred to as Pangaea in the text. But the time frame was bogus so he pushed the idea that Ed came from millions of years in the past right out of his mind and refocused, "Let's not just jump ahead Edward, first of all I cannot think of a translation for some of those words." He admitted.

Ed raised his eyebrows,

"Right sorry, uh, I think it would be pretty basic," Ed appeared to be searching his incredible brain for his personal German dictionary, "Chimäre and Homunkulus," his German dialect was always impressive, "the second one is not plural but it should be understandable and, uh,  _Alkahestry_ doesn't really translate but it's like alchemy except it draws power from a different energy source." He finished, having gestured slightly with his hands, he refolded his arms over his chest.

Alfons' mind was reeling again, because those words and what they translated as were  **impossible**  and then there were questions he wanted to ask about the power source for alchemy and the other thing Ed had pronounced in English.

He rubbed his forehead and started with the first point,

"Edward, about the definitions of Chimera and Homunculus, the first one would be a literal monster in many ways if it existed and the second one, well…a very small pers…-" he trailed off because Ed was glaring at him like he would strangle him, "…what is it, what did I say?" he asked worriedly.

Edward's jaw was clenched so tightly before he spoke,

"I know the primary definition of homunculus in this world and it  **isn't** that one, it's more the secondary definition."

Alfons had to rack his brain now to remember that there even was a second definition but he couldn't think of it,

"I don't know the second definition." He frowned, "But why did you get so upset about the first definition?"

Edward slid lower on the couch, dropping his legs so his socked feet were flat on the floor and he groaned and covered his eyes with his flesh hand,

"Because it defines a very small but properly proportionate human being." He mumbled, sounding rather depressed about it.

Alfons frowned, he honestly did not get why the definition of a word could be so disheartening,

"Edward, I don't…understand why it bothers you."

Ed slid his hand down his face and frowned at Alfons,

"Are you kidding?" he mumbled into his hand. Alfons shook his head and Edward removed his hand completely and sat up, leaning his elbows on his knees, "I hate it because it…because I…" he clenched his teeth and then oddly enough, got a bit red in the face, "…because everyone I know always made fun of me for my height and I expected anyone who could associate that word with me in this world would take a cheap shot." He said a bit angrily.

Alfons blinked several times,

"I'm sorry? They made fun of your height?"

Edward first glared at him, then looked unsure of what to say when Alfons just raised his eyebrows questioningly,

"Yeah…cause I'm…not exactly tall." He muttered and stared at the floor.

Alfons smiled, finding it adorable that Ed had such a reaction to something so stupid,

"Edward, firstly, you are not the definition of a homunculus by any means, if such a being existed it would more likely be a word associated with people who have Achondroplasia," here Ed mumbled something about not being a midget, "which are people no taller than 4 feet at most." He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, to try and see Ed's face behind his bangs, "And besides, you're height is what...?"

"5.6." he mumbled from behind his curtain of hair.

"That's not so bad," when Ed glared at him again he blanched and raised his hands in front of himself, "I'm serious, I'm not making a joke, but even so, here in Germany the average height of a man is about 5.10, there are people far taller than even myself, I am only 5.7." he was being very serious but apparently Ed didn't get that so he had to ask, "It really isn't a big deal, why are you so sensitive about it?"

Edward clenched his fists,

"Because ever since I was 12 all anyone ever did was make fun of me, my family, friends and work colleagues," he muttered bitterly, "no one thought about the fact that I had a fucking heavy metal arm that was fitted right before I would have hit puberty and  _grown the fuck up_. It was always with the height jokes so everyone could fucking laugh and call me short and it didn't help that Alphonse was 7 fucking feet tall!" he spat and stood up, apparently needing to walk it off.

He looked genuinely upset about it as he went to the window and crossed his arms over his chest.

Alfons' eyes had widened at the last bit Ed had said, 7 feet was extremely tall so he assumed Ed was exaggerating, and he didn't know what to say to that, so he turned to science and facts,

"Well…it's a fact that genetically, the first born male is always usually shorter than the second born."

Ed spun on him, golden eyes reflecting irritation and weariness.

"You're gonna make fun about it now too, huh?!"

Alfons stood up quickly and put his mug down on the table,

"No," he said firmly, "Have I  **ever**?"

Ed paused in whatever he'd been about to say back and then he deflated slightly,

"No…" he shook his head.

"Has anyone here, in Germany…in this world, made fun of your height, Ed?" because it sounded like such an immature thing to do, especially since Ed had grown up around predominantly adults.

His eyes darted around the den as though he was trying to find a memory of it and then he blinked slowly, looking confused,

"N-no…no one except my father once or twice…" he said bitterly. Alfons shook his head,

"Well I have to say this and I hope you're not offended, but either all of your friends and family were just really horrible people to hurt your feelings so constantly," Ed's eyes widened but he didn't look angry, "Or they teased you so much because it always got a reaction…like this one." He waved his hand at Ed and then he frowned as Ed stared at him, "Which is still kind of messed up considering your physical disposition." He said honestly.

He knew he'd be quite annoyed and unhappy if everyone he knew in his adult life constantly teased him about being skinny or so pale in complexion, like they'd done when he was in school. But in the adult world…honestly, who did that? What kind of people did Edward know?

Speaking of Edward, he was leaning back against the windowsill now and he sighed and looked at the floor,

"Maybe it was my fault, I never wanted to be pitied by anyone for my…physical condition…and I did always kind of…over react."

Alfons sighed,

"Yes you do, like the time you punched Ivan in the stomach in university because he used your height as a reference to describe someone else."

"He was describing a girl!"

"Yes, but he wasn't trying to make fun of  **you**!" Alfons yelled right back.

They'd gotten way off topic here and yet in the short conversation Alfons felt that he'd heard more honesty and seen more emotion in Ed than ever before. This was the real Edward, his feathers did get ruffled and there were people in his previous life he valued besides just his younger brother.

It also told him that Ed was a human, in more ways than one.

Ed huffed,

"So fine, I overreact because…it's a…a…"

"Sensitive issue?"

"Yes." Ed snapped and sighed, "Why are we even talking about this?" he grumbled.

"Because you need to know you're not being judged here like you were at home, not by me or anyone else that we mutually know and probably not by other people." He sighed when Edward just glared at the floor, "Ed, at least three people who work in the lab with me are your height, I think Gustav might even be shorter than you." He said honestly, hating the subtle hint of insecurity in Ed's face.

"Shorter?!"

"Edward!" he stomped his foot and Ed deflated again, "Enough. There are no insults here." He'd found it cute in the beginning when he hadn't know that it actually seemed to hurt Edward.

Someone who had such confidence, such skill, such genius and such a good heart should not look so insecure and uncertain about himself over such a stupid thing.

Edward stared at him, the feelings of insecurity still lurking beneath the surface and he was trying to put his guard back up, but apparently he was having a hard time doing it,

"You…you've never made fun of me behind my back, called me names like…pipsqueak or puny or…or…"

Alfons shook his head,

"No, I have called you frustrating and rude and insensitive many times, but that's about it." he admitted with a smile and his heart stopped in his chest when Ed smiled back at him.

Sharp canines and all and wow, Alfons thought a light had just been switched on in the room for how it lit up his own vision and Ed's face. A row of straight white teeth against his stunning features and the way he stared straight at Alfons with a soft expression, his insecurity at least momentarily soothed,

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me, when I was a child in school I was often teased about things I could not change." Ed started to walk back to the couch,

"Like what?" he asked.

"Well..." Alfons sighed, remembering his own ordeals of being bullied and insulted, "…I was skinny and pale and I have always had a low immune system, so I was sickly too and kids took advantage of me. I was beaten up quite a few times throughout my schooling career." He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Ed who had stopped just in front of him, "But we've gotten way off topic, haven't we?"

"Yeah, maybe…" Ed smiled again, no teeth, but genuine, "…but it was a real conversation, about my real life and yours…and I feel like I know you better, like I can start to…" he trailed off, his gaze was so intense and searching Alfons felt nervous,

"Start to what?" he tried not to think of what he wanted to hear, about attraction and feelings.

"…I can start to confide in you, about…my actual life, the real me and where I come from…how I really got here." He sniffed very subtly and Alfons nearly melted with warmth and worry.

Ed was really emotional right then and was ready to be really honest but he was also really sad, and he was right, the moment right then between them was more real than it had ever been,

"Anything you've ever told me has been in confidence and I promise you the same going forward Ed…" his mouth ran away from his brain again, "…as long as I can help it, I will never do anything to intentionally hurt you either because I know how it feels to be hurt."

Ed blinked a few times, his dark blonde eyelashes fluttering slightly before he reached out, a simple hand on Alfons' shoulder, the promise of a kind gesture like a pat or maybe even a hug, and Alfons smiled…

…and then was ecstatic when Edward stepped forward to close the gap between them and tipped his head back to kiss him, eyes slowly closing, no rushing and no tension and Alfons' knees nearly turned to jelly because all he'd wanted all his skinny, sickly, nerdy life was to find a guy who he could share himself with emotionally and sexually and he'd begun to think it would never happen.

And even trying to court Ed hadn't given him much hope, until now, until a mutual parting of lips and brushing of tongues and Edward's hand sliding up from his shoulder into his hair while the other settled on his waist. Alfons found his shaking hands settling on Ed's face either side, holding him gently as he pressed deeper into the kiss and Edward obliged, lips parting wider and accepting his eager tongue, reciprocating  _fully_  in a wet and slow kiss.

He no longer thought they were off topic, in fact, this was the only topic he wanted to be on right then.

When Ed pulled back, Alfons nearly whined because it was so good but then when the shorter blonde tilted his head the opposite way and continued kissing Alfons, a bit more aggressively, more tongue, some lip to lip kisses and even a few rather arousing exhales and lip suckles, Alfons couldn't stop himself from moaning softly. Ed's arms came up, resting at a bit of slant so his forearms could lie on Alfons' shoulders and his hands hooked comfortably behind Al's neck. It was so sublime that the fairer blonde couldn't help running his hands down Ed's lean muscled sides until his lower waist in order to pull Ed flush against him…

…he was aroused, semi hard and would be all the way soon and he second guessed his forwardness since Ed was the one who was meant to set the pace.

But Edward didn't show any signs of discomfort, in fact he made a small breathy noise when their pelvis' contacted and pressed closer…and Alfons moaned again and set his hands on Ed's rear to squeeze lightly.

He was a man after all and having something he wanted so bad so close was too tempting not to touch. And he was being permitted, because again Ed did not react badly to his touch. For a few minutes they simply made out and Alfons felt like he was in his own personal heaven, he'd never made out with anyone before, there'd been kisses but never endurance kissing, never the silence filled with  _just_  lip smacking and escalated breathing and light groping and never had he been kissed by anyone with mutual attraction and emotion before.

He really hoped it was as mutual as it felt right then.

Ed's breathing had elevated and his hands were skirting from Alfons' hair to his shoulders and then one slender flesh hand moved down over Alfons' chest, rubbed and squeezed lightly and then moved back up and he felt his brain cells scatter, because Ed was  _caressing_  and  _feeling_  him, he didn't have defined muscles like Ed but he hoped said blonde wasn't disappointed by what he felt. He couldn't decide what to do next, he was scared to try for second base, he was afraid it'd make Edward stop everything happening right then, but he was also sporting a full erection by this point and his body and mind were agreeing that he should  _try_.

So after a particularly deep and wet kiss he broke off and started kissing and nipping and sucking his way down Ed's neck as his hands roamed from Ed's lower back and buttocks, further down to the backs and sides of his thighs where he could reach, feeling the definition of muscle through Ed's material pants.

He was aware Ed's hands had become stationary on his shoulders but he was also aware that he had leaned his head back and to the side slightly giving Alfons access to kiss and lightly suckle at his neck. He came around to the front of Ed's throat and lightly lapped at and nipped his adams apple, moving down to the hollow of Ed's throat with his tongue. Ed's hands moved into his hair and he made a soft noise that was very close to a breathy moan.

Alfons felt his pulse race and his heart beat the blood even faster to his nether region.

And then he went for second base, from massaging his hand over the side of Ed's left thigh, he brought his hand around and in between them and slid it between Ed's legs.

Edward had an erection and Alfons' felt the last of his blood leave his brain.

Ed's breath hitched and his hands tightened in Alfon's hair as the taller blonde kissed him on the mouth again, lapping with his tongue and boldly rubbing along Ed's arousal with his upturned palm through the fabric of his pants. Ed didn't stop him, but his kisses were starting to become distracted, a sure sign that he was starting to have trouble with how fast things were moving.

He needed to show Ed he was trustworthy, that he didn't just have some sleazy end game, because even if the idea of having sex with Edward did make him extremely shaky with excitement, there was more that he wanted from Edward, there were  **feelings**.

So he drew back from the kiss with a soft smack and swallowed thickly before he opened his eyes to find Ed's open but down cast to where their chests were nearly touching and further down still was where Alfons' hand still rested firmly, cupping Edward's arousal.

"You…" he licked his lips and pressed a moist kiss to the bridge of Ed's nose, "…do you want to stop?"

There was a beat of silence in which Ed's hands, now settled on his shoulders, squeezed once, twice and then a third time as he breathed quietly and then swallowed and nodded,

"Yeah, I want to stop…" he mumbled, eyes still downcast.

Alfons frowned feeling a bit sadly since Ed wouldn't look at him,

"Okay…but just remember…I'm not  _him_  Ed," he said quietly against Ed's skin, enjoying the closeness as he removed his hand from its place between Edward's legs and drew his arms up to wrap them around Ed's shoulders and bring him into a hug as he kissed his eyelid that time, "we're different people, him and I…for one thing…" he smiled against Ed's skin, "…I'm nowhere near 7 feet tall."

And Ed laughed, it was soft and an interesting sound and it was against the front of throat, just below his chin so it was warm and breathy and intimate,

"That's true…" Ed said after he'd stopped snickering and then his tone turned sad as his slender flesh fingers drew light circles on the right side of Alfons' neck, "…you're also not a body of hollow metal armor."

And just like that Alfons remembered the conversation they should have been having and he hugged Ed tighter to himself,

"We should get back on topic."

Ed sighed and slipped his hands down and his arms around Alfon's torso, hugging him back,

"Yeah, yeah we should."

* * *

They took a break to make some more tea before settling back in the den, it was going on 11 pm now and while Alfons had work the next day, he was adamant to get through this conversation and come out on the other side with a positive outlook.

Especially after the make out session earlier, that made him feel like in the end it'd all be worth it, just to have Edward. To have finally found someone to be with who he really wanted to…even if realistically they couldn't be together for the rest of their lives because it was not an accepted thing, just for a while, just to feel something real, in a smile, in a touch, a kiss…during sex…like being in love with that person for once.

Not ashamed and feeling like showering after leaving a special bar or pub where he had to go to get his kicks.

He nearly shuddered at the thought as they resettled on the couch, facing each other, each sipping their tea. Alfons went first this time since a specific question was ringing in his mind,

"So…a body of hollow metal armor?" he raised an eyebrow.

Edward's eyebrows raised and then his expression changed to sad fondness,

"Yeah…" he sighed, "…okay, you know I lost two limbs when I was eleven?"

"Yes…and then when you were twelve you joined the military." He reiterated what Ed had told him sometime before, noting he sounded skeptical.

Ed seemed to pick up on it because he ran his flesh hand over his neck looking uncertain,

"Yeah, but I only joined the military when I lost my limbs because I needed the money and the research access… because Alphonse lost his entire body and I had to do something to fix that."

Alfons blinked rapidly,

"So, he was paralyzed?" he ventured  _sanely._

Ed just shook his head,

"No, he  _literally_  lost his physical body…I…I had to…use alchemy to attach his soul…to a suit of armor we had in our basement…at the…time…" he was staring at Alfons with a small frown and the short haired man wondered if his expression was so disconcerting that it was giving Ed pause, "…in order to keep him alive. Alfons, are you okay?" apparently it was.

He blinked and swallowed thickly and shook his head before he nodded instead,

"I am, I guess…it just sounds…"

"Insane."

" **Impossible.** " Alfons corrected in a scolding tone.

Ed sighed and took a gulp from is tea before he continued,

"Well it's not…in my world, there was some crazy shit you could do with alchemy if you were fucked up enough in the head." He mumbled, looking deep in thought.

"What were you and you're brother doing that made the two of you…lose so much." he phrased it as gently as possible.

Ed smiled bitterly,

"Something fucked up, something we shouldn't have been doing." he inhaled deeply and stared at the fireplace, "We were trying to bring someone back from the dead." He said very quietly.

Alfons swallowed tensely and asked the first thing that came to mind,

"Is that possible in your world?" he asked sounding for all the world like he could believe in it, because there were people he loved that he would really like to have in his life again…his parents.

But Ed's grim expression really should have answered his question even before he spoke,

"Of course not…it's a fantasy that people have of being able to undo what can't be undone…a fantasy that we had as orphaned kids who just wanted our mother back." He sniffed again and rubbed at his eyes, whether he was sniffing because of the cold weather and contrasting heat of the room and the steam of the tea, or just because he was still emotional, Al had no idea.

He realized then how his thoughts just a second ago had seemed so similar to Ed and his younger brother's when they'd been kids, the longing to have their mother back, just like he wanted his own parents back.

There had always been tragedy written the lines and curves and ridges of Ed's existence, but now Alfons knew it was likely darker than he could have fathomed.

So dark he didn't know if he could handle it.

He licked his lips, sipped his cooling tea and tried to get his heart to stop racing over things he could hardly imagine, the idea of what an experience like trying to raise the dead must be for two young children…alone in a basement. The next question he had was just as straightforward,

"How did that attempt result in losing your limbs and your brother's body?" he asked quietly, it felt like such a personal question.

Edward's adams apple bobbed as he swallowed,

"Okay, how about I start more or less at the beginning so you're not too lost as we go on?"

Alfons found himself nodding,

"Okay."

On a deep breath, Ed spoke,  
"Okay…so alchemy…it's governed by laws of science and equivalence…"

* * *

The apartment was silent as they padded out of the den about two hours later, Alfons' mind was chaotic and noisy in comparison as he watched Ed's back and his untidy ponytail swaying side to side as they walked to his bedroom.

He couldn't believe it. None of it. And yet…in Edward's eyes, in his words, in his smiles and his sad and gruelling retelling of the things of his world…there were no hints of lies, no hints of fabrication.

The emotion was genuine and he spoke with the confidence of a man who'd lived through such incredible horrors.

And came out sane. And was amazing. So amazing and resilient and brave and just…

He felt like he couldn't breathe as they walked into Ed's bedroom and said blonde flicked the light switch on to cast a dull yellow glow over the room. He walked over and sat on the bed because he was exhausted and a bit shaken and he leaned his elbows on his thighs to lean forward as Ed leaned over his trunk that held his prosthetics and he started taking them out one by one gently and setting them down on the floor.

Moving so fluently it was amazing he was actually missing two limbs at all.

Alfons tried not to think about what he was about to see as he gripped his knees, he distracted himself with how kids used to tease him about having knobby knees. He smiled slightly, it seemed so long ago now. He glanced at Ed again when the sound of something dislodging from the trunk was heard and he watched as Ed –deceptively strong among many other things- lifted out the separation slots which were all built into a false bottom to the trunk.

It was a good hiding place, who would really want to search through the trunk after finding fake limbs in it and realizing they belonged to a…cripple? Was Ed really a cripple? Was he even disabled? Having seen him a few times when one or both of his limbs were off –usually when he was reattaching them in the morning, in those moments, he looked a bit awkward, but never weak or disabled.

Alfons held his breath when Ed had put the false bottom down and he reached back into the trunk and then it was happening…it was real…and out of the trunk Edward lifted a  _metal leg._

It looked really heavy, but Ed seemed to handle it with ease as he turned around and brought it a few steps to Alfons, laying it down on the bed beside where he sat.

He wasn't breathing for a moment as he turned to stare at the intricate piece of machinery, a grafted, shaped and perfectly proportioned leg, suited to someone…who would incidentally be shorter than Edward currently was. He hadn't known Ed when he was that height, when he'd met Edward he'd been as he currently was.

He raised a hand, only then seeing that he was shaking, and he trailed his fingers over it, over the knee and the calf shape and to each toe, the metal gleamed dully and aside from some noticeable scratches on the surface it was smooth and just…unreal.

Ed patted his own lower left thigh were the plastic covering of his prosthetic concealed the exposed housing of his automail port –yes, Alfons knew much more about it now after hearing Ed's story- inside which were raw nerves,

"That's what I used to have…" he leaned over and lifted the leg by the port, standing it up and Alfons unconsciously held the leg in his hands, wanting to touch the magnificent machinery from another  _world_ , "I'd attach it here," Ed had his hand in the port, "and it'd hurt like all hell every time, but damn it was worth it. I miss it now that I'm stuck with what I have now." He sighed, "It doesn't come close to comparing."

Alfons had to ask,

"Why did you stop using it?"

Ed let it go because Alfons was holding it steady,

"I would have had to eventually anyway, since I had already lost the automail arm by then and I was growing, without anyone to adjust it or build me a new one I couldn't have kept it on." He was smiling slightly, "But aside from that, it just gave up, like my arm did. I wasn't even in this world for a month and they just stopped working, one not long after the other." He walked back to the trunk, "My father said it might have been because this worlds weather was different, the air is denser, harsher even and also there are subtle differences in gravity and all that," he was picking up another item from the trunk, "So when my arm gave up he attempted to fix it but neither of us knew much about automail since its very complex, what with involving wiring, nerves and all that."

Alfons just listened, having not heard Ed speak as much in all the time he'd known him as he was that night, and he laid the leg back down when Ed brought over an arm of equal brilliance and he took it into his hands as Ed held it out,

"So he started building me a new arm, one that worked with similar mechanisms, more or less copying the basic inner mechanisms of how automail works with the nerves, adding gears to it, but it's not as fluent in reaction or detailed in design, and when my leg gave up, he'd already had a few made for me…it was nice of him to do that…I never did thank him." Ed was frowning now, another deep seated emotion visible in his strained features when Alfons looked up at him.

Ed hadn't heard from his father in a long time and despite how ill he often spoke of the man, he was still Ed's father and Ed clearly cared.

Alfons moved his hand under the palm of the metal hand–the arm itself was actually pretty heavy- where it lay on his lap and he interlocked his long thin fingers with the metal digits, hearing the fine joints click as the fingers shifted to accommodate his own, and he squeezed slightly, thinking of how Ed couldn't feel with such limbs…and how Ed's brother hadn't been able to feel  _anything_  for years.

And now…Ed didn't even know if he'd succeeded in bringing the boy back as he'd intended, if his little brother was actually alive and flesh again.

Ed's life was truly a nightmare. He lived in a nightmare.

Alfons hated that he felt like he was a part of that nightmare.

"So you kept them…?" he asked quietly as he removed his hand from Ed's former metal one and he looked up at him again, Ed nodded,

"I needed it…to remind myself that I wasn't crazy…after a while, after being here in this world, I felt like I wasn't sure anymore that it'd all been real."

That was so painfully sad and yet Alfons felt he understood because sometimes he was afraid no one would ever remember him in this world, with his parents dead and no other family left or that he was even sure were alive…

Edward picked his leg back up then and moved to put it away and Alfons clutched the arm tightly, feeling like if Ed put it away, he'd somehow lose his strength in believing, because how could it be that a world so incredible existed and yet he was stuck in Germany, with war and death and sickness and poverty.

But then he looked at Ed again as he came back for the arm and Alfons realized that he may well have the very best part of the other world right there with him. So he handed the arm back to Ed and waited until he'd put everything away before he came and sat down beside Alfons,

"So now I've showed you…and told you the  _truth_  about me." Ed glanced at him, they were sitting about a foot apart, both looking exhausted and untidy, "Do you…uh, what do you…have to say?"

That was such a loaded question, really.

So Alfons stepped around it, remembering that Ed hadn't reached the end of his tale,

"You never told me how you ended up here in the end, you said you went to save Alphonse after he'd become the Philosopher's stone and was kidnapped by that woman and the Homunculi, but you never actually said how you came to discover this world or how you ended up here?" he looked at Edward, clasping his hands between his legs.

Edward looked like he really didn't want to say, he swallowed tensely and his gaze averted to the white bed covers,

"I…" he rubbed his flesh hand over his face and shook his head, "…I died."

Alfons' eyes widened…some part of his mind started telling him all over again that Ed was insane, but then Ed went on, raising his prosthetic hand and gesturing more or less to the center of his torso, where his heart was,

"I was run through with a blade, right here…by Envy, when I was fighting with him. When I woke up next…I was here." He swallowed again looking guilty about something, "I was in the body of the Edward from this world," his voice was shaking, "and I had to get back to my world. I hadn't intended it…" he looked at Alfons with damp eyes, "…I hadn't meant to die, in his body, but I did."

Alfons frowned only slightly understand what he was being told.

"And I…" Ed inhaled sharply, tears never falling but threatening to, "…I went back to my world after dying…again…but then I had to sacrifice myself to bring Alphonse back, because he…" he clenched his teeth, "…he had used the philosophers stone to bring me back and he wasn't there, he was  _gone_ ," he said that breathlessly as if the idea of it pained him all over again, "and that's how I…how  _he_  died, the Edward of this world…and then, I was just here again…and I was me," he pressed his flesh hand to his chest, "and I've been here ever since." He finished quietly.

The room was quiet, Alfons couldn't hear either of them breathing.

Yes, Ed's life had been a nightmare…and it still was he supposed, to live with those memories, those questions…to have died…twice and then essentially committed suicide thereafter…all for one person.

All for Alphonse Elric.

He felt bitter toward the boy he'd never met and would probably never know, because it wasn't fair that one person should be loved that much…especially if the person loving them was as surreal, amazing and selfless as Edward.

When Ed looked at him again he realized he'd been staring at the sad beauty in front of him, such honesty, speaking of things that should by all rights be blatant lies, but they couldn't be, not with the pain reflected in Ed's eyes. Never.

"Alfons?" his name was said, Ed pronounced it just right.

He took a few breaths and smiled at Ed as best he could with all of the emotions and confusion he had going on right then,

"I need to sleep." He said simply.

Ed looked hurt very briefly before he nodded,

"Okay." He lowered his eyes to the mattress in the space between them.

Alfons boldly reached to take Ed's flesh and prosthetic hands in his own,

"Can I sleep here with you, Edward? Can I hold you?"

Edward's eyes came up to meet his, slightly wide and questioning, as if he expected there to be some double meaning to Alfons' innocent words, but when he saw the sincerity with which Al had intended it, he nodded slowly.

They took a minute to remove the button down shirts they wore and after some hesitation, Alfons removed his pants so he was in his boxer shorts and under T-shirt. When Ed removed his own pants next, Alfons felt no giddy or horny feelings, only warmth at the level of comfort Ed was displaying.

In only their T's and boxers, Edward let his hair down from its ponytail and he braided it loosely instead, Alfons removed his wrist watch, switched the light off and then they climbed onto the single bed, Alfons first, and he lay to face Ed who got on and lay on the open end side of the bed.

They lay facing each other for a few minutes, Ed avoiding eye contact once their eyes adjusted to the darkness while Alfons was memorizing Edward's features so he'd never forget the ethereal sight of golden hair and eyes. Just in case one day he woke up in an insane asylum and it had all been an amazing dream.

Then Ed shifted under the duvet, moving to roll over and face the other way,

"Night, Alfons." He said softly.

Alfons stared at his outline, at his braid laying over his side of the pillow, since they were laying as far apart as the bed allowed for its small size, but that foot of space felt too far away…and Alfons wanted to hold Edward, he needed to.

So he reached out under the covers and slipped his arm around Ed's waist as much as he could and he tugged lightly, Ed lay still for a second before he shimmied backwards just enough so Alfons could rest his arm comfortably over his waist. There was an uncertain tension between them then, half naked, laying in the same bed, having touched and kissed each other earlier, or maybe it was just Alfons' feelings, but Alfons wasn't afraid of them anymore, he'd heard so many things that night that made his fears just seem pathetic.

So he curled his arm properly around Edward's waist and he pulled the tense blonde back so they were laying close, bodies touching just about flush and spooning slightly, Alfons' hand lying along Ed's chest and the matress. He pressed his nose into Ed's braid and inhaled softly, closing his eyes and squeezing Ed just a bit closer still. After a moment Ed leaned into him, relaxing, and both his arms came to hold onto Alfons' arm around his waist.

It would have been perfect, if not for the weight of Edward's possibly temporary existence in Alfons' life playing on his mind. He frowned, feeling the emotional pain of losing something he hadn't even truly gained yet and he listened to the soft clicks of Ed's prosthetic, letting it distract him,

"Don't you usually take them off to sleep?" he asked quietly against Ed's hair.

There was no answer for a while and then Ed curled into himself slightly,

"I can't…not while you're here with me." He said quietly.

Alfons opened his blue eyes and frowned,

"It wouldn't bother me." He whispered back honestly.

Ed shook his head lightly,

"It's not you, I've never…I've never shared a bed with anyone when I didn't have my automail, I always wore it, to sleep, take a bath, everything…and since I've had my prosthetics I can't do those things… and I…I haven't…" he trailed off and Alfons heard the unspoken admission.

Ed hadn't been with anyone since being in this world, so he'd never had to share a bed without his limbs.

So there was vulnerability in him then.

Alfons wasn't about to press the issue, not after everything they'd shared that night, he just worried,

"Won't you be sore tomorrow?"

"Maybe, I've never tried sleeping with them on, I always just took them off because they don't really feel right, so when I can I don't like to wear them." He was mumbling into the pillow.

Alfons smiled,

"Well, as long as you'll be okay…" he trailed off, holding Ed and enjoying the feeling of his body so close, aligned with his own and warm.

Edward wasn't uncomfortable, but he wasn't entirely relaxed, his mind working a mile a minute over everything the night had entailed right up until that point. The closeness was welcome because he felt wretched after rehashing his life story. But the parallels and similarities of Alfons to his little brother still remained, making it difficult to be intimate for a long period of time, more so depending on the situation.

And sharing a bed all night was a different situation.

He'd found kissing Alfons in the den earlier to be easier, the touching had even been okay but only because he kept reminding himself that Heidrich was  **not**  his brother and because it hadn't lasted too long. Right then, as he'd done earlier, he just kept thinking of bright blue eyes, wheat blonde hair and a body that was distinctly adult, the broadness of Alfons' shoulders, the line of his slender jaw and the world weary strain in his fair face, things that set him apart from Alphonse specifically.

Because Alphonse had been soft and innocent.

Alfons was not, he had a softness to him…but he was not a child and hadn't been for longer than his age should have allowed, much like Edward, he could see pain and loss in Alfons' eyes.

But maybe he'd be able to see it in Alphonse's too if he could see him again, grown up, since they'd shared the same ordeals. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tightly as Alfons nuzzled into his hair and shifted his lightly hairy –and not altogether badly shaped- legs against Ed's own pair, one smooth and featureless and the other also baring a layer of fine blonde leg hair. It was not uncomfortable or unpleasant…and that was the problem really.

It was nice and it was warmer than sleeping alone and he could feel the line of Alfons body, not taught with sculpted muscle, but lean and firm.

He truly missed contact, it had been a long time, he missed touch…he missed kissing and sex and the feelings that came with attraction, and even just the pleasure. He only just wished Alfons didn't have to look like Alphonse so much, it was  _unfair_. And yet somehow, he couldn't see Alfons' personality on any other person and there was something distinctly disturbing about liking Alfons with all of his similarities.

It wasn't possible to think of it that way, he wouldn't entertain the idea.

They were separate people, Alphonse and Alfons, worlds apart literally. Different parents, blood, DNA…

He wanted to be able to accept that, because Edward liked Alfons, so maybe he could find some semblance of comfort and happiness while he was there, on Earth…for however long he'd be there.

Maybe he wouldn't go crazy in a world where he didn't actually exist, maybe someone could really know him.

He blinked back a rush of emotion and the tears it threatened to evoke and he found he needed one question answered before he could move forward, before he could really try to set Alfons aside from his younger brother and develop any kind of relationship and trust with him,

"Alfons?" he breathed out into the quiet, cold room.

"Hm?" he sounded sleepy but Ed had to know,

"Do you believe me?"

If was silent for almost a minute and Edward felt more let down by the second and then Alfons squeezed him closer and buried his face into Ed's neck and he breathed out one simple word that held enough emotion that Ed didn't question its truth.

"Yes…" Edward smiled in relief and Alfons went on, "…yes I do, and it scares me very badly."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, science bitch. -Jesse Pinkman


End file.
